Chapter 12
Thought of the day…
‘No’ is a complete sentence.
(And ‘no bloody way – you’re out of your mind’ is a completer sentence.)
I kept my distance after that, literally as well as figuratively, sitting as far from Tommy as I could – in the minivan, on the tender to Julian’s yacht, and in the helicopter.
I didn’t say a word to him – not even goodbye when we got to Aetheria – an easy decision with Elsa waiting beside the helipad.
She rushed over as soon as his feet hit the ground, speaking to him in low, agitated tones. He frowned, murmured a reply, and they walked off together towards the staff quarters.
He didn’t look back, which made my stomach gripe with uneasiness.
You can’t have it both ways, Ally.
I only realised when I arrived at my villa that I never told him not to come. I’d have to send him away face to face. Wonderful.
I toed off my sneakers, leaving them in the entry, and crossed to the minibar where I poured two fat fingers of Metaxa, a Greek brandy. I lowered myself onto the sofa, half reclining, and sipped.
What the hell was I doing – besides playing with fire?
Claude would have my head if she discovered I was spending time with Tommy – let alone enjoying it. As if those countless tearful nights she’d stayed up with me, helping me recover from the Tommy-shaped void, had never happened.
My phone rang, startling me, and I jumped up to dig it out of my backpack. Claude.
Had I somehow summoned her too? If so, that was twice in one day. Maybe I’d acquired a new superpower. Too bad it wasn’t teleportation – I could zap myself out of there.
‘Hi, Claude,’ I said, making my way back to the sofa.
‘Hi. Bad time?’
‘Why do you ask?’
‘I don’t know. You sound… odd.’
‘Just been a long day,’ I replied. ‘What’s up?’
‘Umm… look, it’s probably nothing and you’re going to think I’m mad but…’
‘Claude,’ I groaned. ‘Just out with it, please.’
‘All right,’ she said, clearly stung.
I was being a right shit, and it wasn’t Claude’s fault I’d painted myself into a romantic corner. ‘Sorry.’
‘That’s okay. I just wondered if you’ve seen the photographs Niki’s uploaded to the shared drive?’
‘Er, no… Why?’ I asked, fumbling for my laptop. As I logged on, an uneasy feeling washed over me.
Claude laughed a false, shrill laugh that sharpened my apprehension. ‘Like I said, it’s probably nothing, but there’s a bloke in some of the photos… He’s never in focus but… well, he sort of reminds me of Tommy.’
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
‘Um, can you hold on a sec?’
I set down the phone and navigated to the folder we’d shared with Niki. I quickly scrolled through dozens of photos and stopped when I got to one of me and Tommy on the boat. He wasn’t in focus, like Claude had said, but if you knew Tommy – and she did – it was clearly him.
The photos from Naxos hadn’t been uploaded yet – we’d only been back an hour – but even if Minh stayed true to his word, doing his best to disguise Tommy’s identity, Claude would figure it out soon enough. I was a fool to think I could hide something this momentous from her.
I needed to tell her the truth. Only… I wasn’t ready – too many unknowns, my emotions all over the place… And without question, Claude would tell me to come home. I couldn’t chance it. Not yet.
‘Al? You there?’ Claude’s disembodied voice shouted from my phone. I picked it up.
‘Sorry. I’m guessing you mean the bloke on the boat?’ I asked, playing dumb.
‘Well, obvs,’ she said with a laugh. ‘But don’t you think he’s a dead ringer for Tommy?’
‘I suppose a little – if you squint. But he doesn’t in real life – same hair colour but that’s about it.’ It was my first baldfaced lie.
Well, not my first lie ever. Not even my first lie to Claude, but really, you can’t blame me for telling her that the pixie cut she got after her divorce suited her.
It would have been cruel to kick her when she was down.
Besides, hair eventually grows back. Self-esteem has to be painstakingly rebuilt over time, so it was a kindly lie.
‘Right – okay,’ she said.
I laughed – partly relieved and partly amused. ‘You sound disappointed.’
‘Not really, I just… I don’t know… I got it in my head that maybe Tommy was there and I was worried… But you would have said something if he was, right?’
Er, no, Claude. Turns out I wouldn’t have, I thought guiltily.
‘Anyway, never mind,’ she said. ‘I told you it was mad.’
She sounded almost wistful, and I didn’t know what to say. Maybe I’d got it wrong. Maybe if I’d told Claude the truth from the onset, she would have been a friendly ear, commiserating that I’d been trapped on a tiny island with the only man I’d ever truly loved.
But it was too late to be truthful.
‘Don’t you miss him sometimes?’ she asked quietly, and it was as if she’d slapped me.
‘How do you mean?’ I stammered, fighting the lump forming in my throat.
‘Just that… I know how much you loved him.’
‘Claude, I…’ I swallowed hard, trying like mad to shake off the encroaching gloom.
‘I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry. Besides, an ex is an ex for a reason, right?’ she asked with a faux lilt to her voice.
‘True,’ I agreed. It may have been a foundational principle of the Divorced Diva platform, but it was also a timely reminder that there were reasons Tommy and I were no longer together. Solid reasons.
Right?
Only, the primary reason I left the marriage was because he chose his job over me – a job he no longer had.
Then again, his current situation wasn’t much better – working on a remote island a day’s travel from London. And he had a girlfriend. At least, that’s how it seemed.
‘So,’ said Claude brightly. Clearly, a change of subject was imminent. ‘How was today? I want all the envy-inducing details.’
Relieved to be back on steadier ground, I reached for the Metaxa, then regaled Claude with the highlights, spending the most time talking about Yiayiá.
‘Oh, she sounds like a character,’ Claude said, laughing.
It warmed my heart to hear her laugh like that – it was a rarity. She was so straightforward, so purposeful and single-minded. It made me all the more certain that Claude would benefit from time on Aetheria. And she’d love Yiayiá.
‘You need to come here and meet her yourself,’ I said.
I could easily picture the two of them together. I had no doubt that Yiayiá would see beneath Claude’s tough shell, then do her best to crack it. She’d have Claude opening up in no time, helping her get back to the Claude she was before her marriage to The Twat.
I’d done my best to help Claude, living with the constant awareness that I hadn’t succeeded. But sometimes it took a stranger, one with a big heart, to break through an emotional fortress.
‘I’m considering it,’ Claude replied, sounding a teeny bit closer to agreeing than she had last night.
‘Excellent.’
‘Mmm. Look, I’ll let you go – and sorry again about… you know…’
‘Not to worry,’ replied my inner stoic.
We ended the call and I sipped my Metaxa, revisiting the lies I’d told my sister.
The big one had seemed unavoidable, which made the lies by omission – skirting all mentions of Tommy – unavoidable by extension. But I regretted every single one.
I should have told Claude about Tommy the first night, but I was certain she would have convinced me that being on Aetheria with two exes was far too much to contend with.
I mean, it sort of was, but as I considered my predicament, I had to admit that I didn’t want to leave – not before I’d had it out with Tommy. I had so many questions. And I wanted answers, no matter how difficult they might be to hear.
So, despite what I’d decided only hours ago, when he came to my villa, I was not sending him away. I’d hear him out, then I’d put him in the hotseat.
* * *
The thing about waiting for someone when you don’t have firm plans and the stakes are high and you have a tendency to overthink is that it sucks.
I was two Metaxas in and Tommy still hadn’t shown up.
Meanwhile, I’d practised every style of greeting imaginable.
Nonchalance: Oh, Tommy, I completely forgot you were coming. I was about to get in the bath.
Curt: I’m not inviting you in. Just say what you have to say, then leave.
Hurt: I can’t imagine there’s anything you have to say that I want to hear.
That one was a lie, of course. I was dying to hear what he had to say.
I even contemplated opening the door wearing nothing but a smile, but I quickly ruled that out. Seducing Tommy was a terrible idea. TER-RI-BLE.
I glanced at the clock – 6.48 p.m. We’d been back on Aetheria for nearly two hours. Where the hell was he? This waiting game was excruciating.
‘Well, bugger this,’ I mumbled to myself.
I stood up and gauged my level of inebriation.
Could I walk an imaginary tightrope? I toe-heeled-toe-heeled across the room without swaying or losing my balance.
So not drunk then. Definitely tipsy though and despite thinking I wouldn’t need dinner after that enormous lunch, I was starting to feel peckish.
I’d pop out for a quick dinner in the restaurant and if he came by when I was out, then that was on him.
I went into the bathroom and checked the mirror, assessing that I needed a five-minute zhuzh. I spread a dollop of tinted moisturiser over my face, tidied my brows, added some shimmer to my eyelids, and dotted on some cream blush. A swish of mouthwash and I was good to go.
I stared into the mirror. Would the tumult crashing about inside me be visible to anyone else? I smiled, but my eyes were slightly wild. I dropped the smile.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked myself.
And I didn’t just mean waiting for Tommy. Why was I on that island in the first place? Why had I agreed to help Julian? I didn’t owe him. If anything, it was the other way around.
And as soon as I’d realised Tommy was on the island, I should have packed up and left instead of sabotaging my own wellbeing. Julian could have found someone else if I’d insisted.
Round and round my thoughts went until a knock at the door startled me – even though I’d been expecting it.
Before answering, I gave myself a pointed look. ‘Get it together, Ally.’
But when I swung open that enormous wooden door and saw him standing there, everything I’d rehearsed flew straight out of my head.
‘Hi,’ I said softly.
‘Hi. All right if I come in?’
I nodded, then stepped aside.
He moved past me, smelling fresh, as if he’d just showered.
I glanced at the nape of his neck, and his hair was damp.
I didn’t want to think about why he needed to shower, but sex came to mind.
Which made perfect sense to my tipsy, catastrophising brain.
His girlfriend met him at the helipad and they snuck back to their bungalow where they indulged in nearly two hours of mind-blowing sex.
And, as Tommy was a gentleman, not wanting to rub his sexual conquest in my face, he’d showered before he came to see me.
‘The villas are nice, aren’t they?’ he asked, and I came back to the room with a jolt.
‘Er, yes. Did you want something to drink?’
Look at me, being the consummate hostess. So much for demanding an explanation, then sending him on his way.
‘Um, no thanks. Wait— Actually, yes.’
Glad to have something to do – my insides were somersaulting – I went to the minibar and poured two glasses of brandy, then handed one to Tommy.
We sipped, both forgoing a toast. But what would we toast to? Old friends? Hah.
Tommy looked around, obviously stalling.
‘Would you like to sit down?’ I asked, already heading for one of the long sofas. I perched on its edge and Tommy sat opposite me on the other sofa, the wide coffee table between us.
This was when he was supposed to start talking, but he seemed to be stuck in a loop of sipping, licking his lips, and staring at me. No, make that frowning.
Any moment now… I thought. But I didn’t prompt him and silence filled the room – almost louder than my heart pounding in my ears.
‘Sorry,’ he said eventually. ‘This is harder than I thought.’
I inhaled slowly through my nose, exhaling from slightly parted lips. At least the brandy was chiselling the edges off my nerves – ish.
‘Fuck it,’ he said to himself. Then he looked me right in the eye and said, ‘Ally, I think you should leave Aetheria. As soon as possible.’
Of everything I’d expected to hear, this was such a left turn that my mouth popped open of its own accord. I blinked a few times, shaking my head, then finally found my words. ‘I’m sorry, but what the fuck are you talking about?’
He exhaled loudly – an exasperated sigh, as if he was entitled to be annoyed.
‘Look, I’ve been here several weeks now and there’s something going on – something nefarious and it’s escalating. And the last thing I want is for you to get caught up in it.’
My mind flew in a dozen different directions at once. It was impossible to pin down a single thought.
I set my glass down on the table. ‘Get caught up in what exactly?’ I asked. ‘Is this to do with Julian?’
‘Yes.’
‘And? You can’t just leave me hanging like that. What’s going on? Is he in trouble?’
‘Potentially.’
I stood and gave him a hard stare. ‘Tommy, you’re going to have to give me more than one-word answers.’
‘I know, okay, I’m sorry. Just… Please sit down.’
I hesitated for a second, then plopped onto the sofa, glowering at him. Clearly uncomfortable under my gaze, he shot up and started pacing.
‘The day after Elsa and I arrived, I was supposed to meet with Julian in his office – in the building behind the restaurant. Only when I got there, he was in the middle of a heated argument – a phone call, so I only heard his side of it. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but the window was open and it was impossible not to.
It was something about a business deal that had soured and at one point he shouted, “Don’t you dare threaten me!
” The call ended right after that, and I walked away, waited five minutes, and pretended to be late for our meeting, so he wouldn’t know I’d overheard the conversation. ’
I watched Tommy intently, picturing Julian on that call. I’d witnessed similar conversations a handful of times during our marriage. But that was just Julian’s way – he was a hothead one minute, and the next, he went back to being the affable larrikin.
‘But Julian would’ve only—’ I started to protest, but Tommy cut me off.
‘That’s not all, Ally. There’s more. A lot more.’