Chapter 10 Emery
EMERY
Lieutenant Erik barks orders at us all morning. We’re flying out to the Under base today to properly gear up for the upcoming mission. It’s a five-hour flight and we left at ten a.m. so we arrive with plenty of the afternoon left to burn.
Gage talked my ear off the entire time. Apparently he was the one who helped me get cleaned up and evaded Thomas and Erik.
It doesn’t sound like he found out the extent of what I had done.
Mori is a godsend. Thanking Gage wasn’t enough, and now he wants my dessert for a week when we get back from the mission.
“Fine, just don’t bring it up again, okay?” I shove his shoulder and he laughs like it’s not my ass on the line if someone overhears us talking about it.
Kayden sits beside me and pushes his hair back as he stretches.
I’m sure his legs are as restless as mine.
“What did you end up getting for your tattoo, Emery? You went to bed so early yesterday none of us got to see it,” he says enthusiastically.
Thomas glances over, but the others don’t seem at all that interested, including Mori.
“Just a line.” I pull my sweater up to my shoulders so they can see.
“You’re so fucking weird,” Gage says with a jovial tone, holding back his laugh. I shrug, smiling at the warmth I get from being around my squad.
Kayden shoots Gage a dirty look. “I think it looks really modern. Very elegant,” he praises.
If he knew what I told Kate, he would definitely not think that, I muse.
Mori watches our interactions before pointedly looking away. There has to be a way to get him to open up more like he did last night before I made a dumb comment that shut him down again.
I almost forgot how cold it was up here. We’re only outside for a brief moment, but the air stings my lungs the second the plane door opens. The familiarity of the woods and snow world hit me, raising the hairs on my arms with a feeling of dread.
“You all right? You look like you’re going to be sick.” Gage frets over me. His brown eyes are soft and filled with worry.
Mori casts a look over his shoulder and meets my eyes momentarily. I force a tight smile. “Yeah, I feel fine. The cold just took me by surprise is all,” I lie.
Kayden offers a sympathetic grin. “I think we all felt sick the first time we came back to this place. Don’t worry, you don’t remember much so it shouldn’t be so bad.”
They all felt this way? My expression must betray my thoughts because Gage nods and bumps my shoulder.
“We’ve all been through hell just to be on a squad.
Be grateful you don’t remember the worst of it.
” His tone is low, gaze set on the back of Mori’s head.
The way Kayden’s eyes lower with guilt make me uneasy.
Whatever they aren’t telling me definitely has something to do with Mori.
We spend the rest of the afternoon at the shooting range in the Under.
Apparently Dark Forces’s squads are allowed to use the downstairs facilities when they are in between recruitment cycles.
I don’t remember this place, but the second we step through the double steel doors and the arena, a sense of belonging and homesickness pits in my stomach.
The impossibly high-beamed, domed ceiling and the vastness of this underworld strikes me.
The lingering soldiers at the edges of the arena that should have cadets to keep in control have a nostalgic feel too.
They stand idly and I overhear them going through new options for trials in the next term.
Knowing that there are people I once knew down here, and somehow miss, even though I don’t remember their faces, makes my skin rise with goose bumps.
It’s almost like a feeling of ghosts calling me home, living in the walls of this hell—far more than six feet under and whispering for me to remember.
Remember. I try to let them flow, but all I get is the nostalgia, nothing solid.
We move down a series of hallways until we come to a room made of bulletproof glass.
The weapons room is unreal. It’s nothing like what the forces upstairs have, or even what we have in the arsenal back in Coronado.
I was wondering where all the cool shit was.
Half of this stuff probably isn’t even legal and is still in the testing stages.
A thrum of excitement courses through my veins.
Gage and Thomas stick together since they’re a team.
The sniper rifle looks light in Gage’s arms as he carries it to his firing position.
Kayden and Erik work on strategies with Mikah.
She showed up a few minutes later than we did, apparently she arrived sometime yesterday in preparation.
She’s going to have to know the ins and outs of all the backup plans as well in case the shit hits the fan.
Mori is leaning against a wall, having just finished warming up his aim and cutting up the ballistic dummies. He lights a cigarette and lets his eyes linger on me as I look over the selection of heat-producing smoker grenades and DF-labeled flares.
It’s impressive what they have down here that might never see the light of day.
I’m still not convinced that the plan Bridger devised will be all that effective so I might bring some of these in case an opportunity arises.
I find a selection of white smoke and red.
A mischievous grin spreads over my lips.
“You and me are going into the simulation room later. Make sure you take a few pills beforehand so you don’t get sick.
The simulation can cause massive headaches without the proper pain relief,” Mori grumbles as he moves to walk beside me, analyzing what I’m so interested in over here.
His arm brushes across my back as he slowly strides by.
I inhale sharply and fix my jaw so I don’t give away what he does to me.
“Four every four hours isn’t enough?” I say smugly.
He just levels me with a steady look before continuing to survey the weapons.
“What’s the sim for anyway?” I ask, moving on to the combat knives display.
It’s fucking beautiful. The blades sit atop opaque white glass with lights shining up from beneath them so each weapon is shiny and tempting to grab.
“It’s a mental test to make sure we’re properly sane before going out into the field.” I give him a look and he grins briefly before forcing it down. “It’s also used to test the effectiveness of the drugs.”
Ah, yes. How easy it is to forget that we are nothing but lab rats to them. This will be my first official checkup with a machine to process my brain waves. Is that all it is, though, or is it more? A thread of fear spikes my heart rate.
“Is it dangerous?” I ask quietly. I’m not a particular fan of anyone hearing my insecurities, even if they are on my squad. We aren’t exactly afforded the luxury of weaknesses in the Dark Forces.
Mori thinks on it for a moment. “Well, if I’m being honest, yes. Many soldiers have died due to the test drugs. But you and me…we’re different.” He sounds hopeful, but there’s also doubt in his voice.
Blood trickles down my lip as he finishes speaking, his eyes moving there as quickly as I am to brush the back of my hand over it. I’m used to it by now. Most of my sleeves are stained red.
My blood is darker than it should be, almost black. But if I’m in pain, I can’t feel it.
“Do you really believe that?” I ask, hollow. There’s nothing for me to be sad about. The only thing I remember from my past is a shitty family situation. I’m a killer. A criminal. I’m better off dead.
Mori’s expression is sullen, but he manages a small smile.
“Yeah, I do. Before this new injection series, I thought I was a goner. You even said as much once.” He laughs, but I don’t find it nearly as amusing as he does.
“But the worst of the side effects have faded. The pill and injection combo seem to be pretty steadied out. Now, I only get a few bloody noses here and there. I even feel more stable mentally.”
“Mm.” I grunt as an acknowledgment as I spot a handful of Under soldiers walking by the weapons room. One of them has dark red hair, and it catches my attention. He glances into the room and spots me looking at him. His eyes instantly grow with recognition, and he rushes to the door.
It swings open loudly and he runs to me. “Emery?!” he sputters the words as he crashes into me, wrapping both arms around me and squeezing me tight.
My body stiffens. He knows me. Well, I’d guess as much by his reaction to seeing me.
When I don’t return the hug, he loosens his hold and backs up to look at me. He sees the confusion written all over my face. His expression drops into shock.
“It’s me, Damian,” he explains, looking at Mori with quizzical eyes.
“I’m sorry… I don’t remember you.” My words are genuine. He seems like he really cares about me. Were we friends in the Under? My chest seizes at the kinship I feel with him. No one has had this response to me too. It gives me a breath of hope.
Damian’s mouth drops and he looks me over as if he will find something familiar about me. “Oh, Emery… I had no idea. It’s okay though, we can get to know one another again.” His eyes flick distrustfully back at Mori before returning to me. “Are you all right? How is your new squad?”
Mori shifts on his feet, giving off an irritated air around him.
“They’ve been great,” I say awkwardly. “You made it through the Under Trials, I’m assuming? I’d love to catch up more. I’m trying to remember as much as I can about my past.”
Damian lights up, even though there’s misery in his smile.
“Absolutely. I don’t know how we go about scheduling fucking coffee dates down here, but it looks like you guys have a bit more freedom than we do,” he chirps.
I’m not so certain we do. I glance at Thomas who’s still working with Mikah and Erik.
We’re constantly supervised. Controlled.
“Maybe I’ll get on a squad soon too. I’m sure I’ll see you more often once that happens. ”