11. Jordan
JORDAN
“Jordan Brooks? Is that you?”
I turned from cleaning the espresso machine to see Billie, owner of the Adair Superette, standing at the counter of The Roastery.
We were only open for one more hour before the Founders’ Festival dance began, down at the harbor.
Levi had asked me to watch the front while he checked inventory in the back.
I was a little surprised we had any customers at all at this hour, but of course, I had to be at the counter for the one who would recognize me.
“Hey, Billie.” I plastered a smile to my face. “How are you?”
“Nevermind me,” she said. “How are you? How’s it feel to be back?”
“Oh, I’m not really—”
“I always said you’d come back. Didn’t I always say that?
” She beamed. “I knew you couldn’t stay away.
Now, I know things are tough with your mama, but I always said you belonged here on Summersea, and look at that—I was right!
I just can’t imagine Adair without the Brooks family around.
Didn’t I always tell you you’d come home? ”
By the time she let me get a word in edgewise, I realized I didn’t actually have the energy to explain that this was only temporary, or to point out that Levi hadn’t ever left, so it wasn’t like the town was completely bereft of us in any case.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess you did.”
She would realize she was wrong once I was gone. Actions spoke louder than words, and all that.
My cheeks colored as I remembered my own actions back at Doris and Arthur’s. I’d made myself way too clear there. Completely transparent.
But with any luck, I wouldn’t have to see Cam again. Once I’d gotten back to The Roastery, I’d realized the only solution was to return to New York, and the sooner, the better. I just wished the thought didn’t fill me with so much dread.
I gave Billie her café au lait and waved goodbye, promising to stop by and visit her next week. I couldn’t decide if I hoped I’d break that promise or not.
On the one hand, I truly couldn’t bear the thought of running into Cam again. It was bad enough that I’d kissed him last night, but after this afternoon? I would evaporate in a cloud of pure shame if I saw him.
On the other hand, the more I thought about going back to New York, the sicker my stomach felt. When I’d left Summersea the first time, New York had been a refuge. A safe haven. But now? Now, it seemed more like a punishment.
With a sigh, I picked up my phone, figuring I might as well start looking for rooms to rent. I blinked when I saw a notification from GayBae, and that sick feeling only grew when I read a message from Quincy.
QUINCY: Hey, I would love to meet up if you’re still free. Should we say the bathroom at The Port Hole, for simplicity’s sake? At 7?
I grimaced. Two nights ago, I’d been convinced mindless, nameless, irresponsible sex was what I wanted. But now? Now, Cam had gotten so deep inside my head and heart that the idea of hooking up with anyone else was just depressing.
But I was the one who’d suggested meeting up again. I couldn’t very well back out now, especially when I was the one who’d missed last night. I’d just have to go and explain things in person.
MILLER: Yeah, sounds great
I sighed and put my phone away.
“Uh oh, what’s that face for?”
My head snapped up, and I saw Aiden and Nolan walk into the coffee shop. Nolan looked kind and concerned, as usual. Aiden, on the other hand, was grinning evilly.
“What face?” I asked, flushing a little.
“The one that looks like someone’s about to swing a sledgehammer at your kneecaps,” Aiden said.
“Maybe not your kneecaps,” Nolan clarified. “Maybe just a finger. Or your pinky toe.”
“Big toe, at least,” Aiden countered. He looked at me. “What happened? Did one of your shameless hookups turn into a candlelit dinner with a deep discussion of your hopes and dreams?”
“Why would that make him grimace?” Nolan asked. “There’s nothing wrong with a nice dinner and conversation. I happen to love eating by candlelight.”
“Yeah, but when all you want to eat is someone’s ass? When all you want them to talk about is what a slut you are?” Aiden arched an eyebrow, and Nolan laughed.
“Fair enough.” Nolan looked at me. “Just because Aiden’s a degenerate, though—” Aiden elbowed him in the ribs, and he amended, “I mean, just because Aiden and I are degenerates, doesn’t mean you have to be. If someone’s asking you to dinner, I think that’s really sweet.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “Sadly, it’s the opposite.
I have to tell a hookup that I don’t want to hook up, because I want to take someone else to dinner instead, only I embarrassed myself so spectacularly in front of that guy this afternoon that there will be no dinner, in addition to there being no hookup, and basically, I should just throw myself into the harbor. ”
“Oh, boo.” Aiden pouted. “That’s the worst of all possible outcomes.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Unless, you know, you threw yourself into the harbor, then climbed out all shivery and wet, and both hookup guy and dinner guy took one look at you and realized they wanted to put their differences aside and double-team you,” he said thoughtfully. “Then it might be okay.”
I snorted. “Hookup guy and dinner guy don’t even know each other. And I would very much like to keep it that way. Honestly, the sooner I can get off this island, the better.”
“Wait, really?” Nolan’s eyebrows rose. “What happened this afternoon that was so embarrassing?”
“And what happened to hot, mindless, anonymous sex?” Aiden put in. “When we said we would come back for details, these were not the kind of details I had in mind.”
“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but it turns out, when given the choice between anonymous sex or hopeless crushes, my brain chooses the latter every time. And once I have a hopeless crush, anonymous sex seems way less tempting.”
“But I don’t get it,” Aiden said. “We talked to you two days ago. How could you develop a crush that fast?”
“Technically, I developed the crush like, twelve years ago. I just hadn’t seen the guy in a long time. But I guess those feelings never really died.”
“Why is it hopeless, though?” Nolan asked. “Was whatever happened this afternoon really that bad?”
“I don’t know, you tell me. How embarrassing is it to moan like you’re getting fucked in the ass when your crush accidentally brushes against you while fixing some plumbing? And that’s not a euphemism, by the way. That’s literal, actual plumbing.”
“Well, that’s not great, but—”
“And your crush is straight.”
“Okay, not ideal, but still—”
“And his grandparents are in the room too.”
“Yikes. Are you sure they—”
“And he’s best friends with your brother.”
“Oof.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Oof. Suffice it to say, if he didn’t know I had a crush on him before this, he definitely does now.
And since I really don’t want to make things more awkward than they already are, I need to get out of here as soon as humanly possible.
I just need to let hookup guy down gently, first.”
“This feels very unfair,” Aiden said. “I mean, I get it, you have to follow your heart or whatever, I guess, but I was expecting lots of slutty stories from you, and now I feel robbed.”
“And if you’re moving, we don’t get to know you better either,” Nolan said. “Which is a bummer.”
“Oh. Yeah. That too.” Aiden grinned impishly. “Do you think you’ll be a slut back in New York? You could still get that CamFans account, you know.”
I laughed again. He was irrepressible. “I promise, if I do, I’ll let you know.”
After exchanging numbers and reiterating that promise five more times, I waved goodbye to them. It was kind of sad. If I’d stayed on Summersea, they could have become actual friends—something I desperately needed.
But I couldn’t stay now, could I?
I was just counting out the cash register for the night when Levi came in with a grin on his face.
“We all set in here?”
“Just about,” I said, casting a questioning look in his direction. “What are you so excited about? I don’t remember you getting this hyped for the Founders’ Festival dance before.”
“I’m not excited for me,” he said, his grin spreading. “I’m excited for Cam. He’s bringing someone to the dance tonight, and I’m dying of curiosity.”
“Oh. Right.”
From the way Levi sounded, I didn’t think Cam had told him about this afternoon, but that might change after they saw each other. Though if what Cam had told me yesterday was true, he hadn’t actually gotten around to asking anyone to come with him tonight.
Unless he’d asked someone in the past few hours. Ugh, the only thing worse than imagining Cam telling Levi what I’d done was Cam telling Levi what I’d done with some gorgeous woman on his arm.
“Well, have fun,” I told my brother.
“You’re not coming?”
“I think I might stay home tonight,” I said. “Feeling a little under the weather.”
Feeling a little humiliated and lovesick was a more accurate description, but under the weather would have to do.
I did need to go down to the harbor tonight—the whole area would be shut down for the dance, filled with tents and stages and lights—but with any luck, I could get there and back without running into anyone I knew.
I waved Levi off and finished closing up slowly, giving him plenty of time to get down there and collar Cam. He was the last person I wanted to run into. At six-fifty, I wiped the counter down one more time, slipped out the front door of The Roastery, and locked it behind me.
The air outside was honey-like, warm and thick, and the smell of the ocean hung heavy over everything.
Our block was calm, all buttoned-up for the night, but the closer I got to the water, the more the streets and sidewalks filled up.
By the time I reached the harbor, I was pushing through throngs of people.
The Port Hole was open, but practically empty, all of its usual patrons outside in the tents.
A lone old man sat at the bar, watching golf reruns on TV, and two women huddled together in the corner, looking at something on their phones.
The bass beat from the music outside made the floor shake, but other than that, it was quiet.
I nodded at the bartender, then slipped down the hall to the men’s room. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.
It was empty again.
My stomach dropped. I was right on time, but maybe Quincy was running a few minutes late? Or maybe I was being stood up. In some ways, that would make things easier.
After a moment, I walked down to the farthest stall. Better to wait there than out in the main part of the room, where anyone could see me. What if that old guy came back and wondered why I was loitering? Hell, for all I knew, that guy was Quincy.
I stepped into the stall and closed the door, then looked at the opening in the adjoining wall. A shame I’d never get to test it out. Some things just weren’t meant to be, I supposed.
I brought my hand to my back pocket, but before I could pull out my phone to check the time, the bathroom door opened. A pair of brown work boots stepped inside. Not the older guy, then. He’d been wearing Tevas with socks.
I sucked in a sharp breath of air as the boots headed in my direction. They stopped right outside my stall. The owner of the boots cleared his throat, then spoke.
“Miller? Is that you?”
My mouth dropped open. “Cam?”