Chapter 68
TYLER
Thanksgiving at Coach’s was fun. Interesting.
Coach’s wife went nuts over Rain, which I wasn’t surprised about.
And I met his daughters, who looked like Amazonian women.
I knew they’d played ice hockey in college, but they hadn’t gone pro.
Instead one was a teacher, and one was a head of physical therapy at some elite program.
They were impressive, as were their husbands.
Their kids were excited and hyper, running everywhere.
A few got big eyes when they saw me, but they didn’t come over.
And lots of guys from the team showed up. We had our own table in the kids’ room.
Meester seemed right at home, sitting on the floor, eating a big slab of turkey with one hand and putting together a LEGO hockey rink with Coach Hine’s four-year-old grandson with the other.
One of the little girls sat on his other side, putting a dress on a stuffed dog.
Every now and then, Meester would reach over and give the dog a pet, making the little girl dissolve in giggles.
More than once, Coach’s wife came over to pull Rain off somewhere, and I lost track of her for twenty minutes or so. Checking my phone, I saw it’d been at least an hour this time, so I made my excuses to the guys at the table and began my search to find her.
I moved past the back room in the basement and drew up short, hearing Rain’s voice.
“—need, really. Everything turned out fine.”
“But it wasn’t, was it?” That was Coach’s wife, and her voice was sharp.
“I’ve been trying to work up my nerve all day to apologize.
When Bruce told me about seeing a girl playing with the Connors boys, I had a feeling.
It didn’t sit right. I couldn’t let it go.
I should have stepped in. Reached out. Introduced myself to your father. Met you. I…”
She got quiet. “When Bruce said you were working with their team, I took this as my second chance. I know you’re older.
You’re an adult, and you probably don’t need a mother-like figure nosing around in your life, but if you’d like one, I’m here.
This family is here. Bruce too. He told me how nervous he got when you first showed up, said he stumbled something fierce, but you righted him just fine.
I was proud when he told me that. Proud of you.
And so was he, even though he was embarrassed.
” She sniffled. “I wanted you to know that.”
There was a beat of silence. I wondered if I should make an appearance, maybe pull Rain out of the situation, but then she said, “There was nothing you could’ve done.”
I stayed where I was.
“I should’ve tried.”
“No. I’m—he never would’ve let me go, because it could’ve come back as an embarrassment on him. He didn’t want to deal with me, but he also didn’t want to look bad. Does that make sense?”
“That doesn’t matter. I should’ve—”
“I wouldn’t have trusted you,” Rain said.
It got quiet again.
“I was conditioned to be a certain way, think a certain way,” Rain explained.
“I’m an adult, and I’m just now starting to change those thought processes.
Back then? Around the time you would’ve stepped up for me?
Even if he had let me go to live with you or something, it wouldn’t have mattered.
I would’ve slept in your house. I would’ve played my part, not drawn any attention to myself.
I would have sat at every meal uncomfortable and sweating, worried my answers to your questions could be turned against me somehow.
If my family talked to me, that’s what they did.
I was too far gone. I think I’m too far gone now. ”
“Rain. No. Don’t ever think that. Please.”
There was another moment of quiet, and when I heard Rain draw in a quiet breath, I knew she was struggling.
I stepped around the corner to find her fighting tears.
Both women looked up.
“Tyler.” Mrs. Hines patted under her eyes with her fingertips, giving me a slightly uneasy smile.
“I must say, you’ve been a welcome addition to the team.
Bruce told me you brought a no-nonsense, why-the-fuck-aren’t-we-winning attitude.
I believe that’s how he put it.” She smiled more genuinely now. “He said the other guys needed that.”
I checked on Rain, asking without words if she was all right. She gave me a little smile, but as I stepped closer, she moved to my side and sagged against me.
She wasn’t okay.
I wrapped an arm around her and smiled at Mrs. Hines. “The guys are good. I think we’ll go far this season.” I held Rain tightly against me. “I came to find Rain because we actually have another meal to get to. My sister is hosting a Thanksgiving thing as well.”
“Of course. I hope your niece is doing so much better.” Mrs. Hines began leading the way back upstairs. When we got to the first floor, she motioned for us to follow her into the kitchen. “Can I talk you into taking some leftovers with you?”
She didn’t give us a chance to respond, just began putting together four plates of food, filling each one to the brim. When they were done, she wrapped them in plastic wrap and put all four in a bag before handing it over.
We thanked her and then said our farewells, making the rounds in each room. The Minnesota goodbye was a real challenge here, but finally we got to the door. Mrs. Hines moved in to hug Rain, and I could see she was struggling not to cry all over again.
Coach gave me an apologetic look before tugging his wife away. He rested an arm around her shoulders and nodded. “We’ll be seeing you for morning skate. And you asked to work tomorrow, so I’ll expect you bright and early as well, Rain.”
“Got it, Coach.” Rain answered for both of us, stepping outside. Suddenly the weather was normal again. It was cold as fuck. Once the door closed behind her, she went pale. I didn’t think the weather had anything to do with it.
“Rain?”
She tore off, hurrying to my truck.
I hustled after her, hitting the unlock button so she could get in without waiting. I hit the start button too, so the engine was rumbling before I got behind the wheel.
Rain was bent over, her fists pressed against her eyes. She rocked back and forth, a raw sound coming from her that didn’t sound altogether human.
I touched her back. “Rain?”
She flew upright at my touch, exploding, “She would’ve adopted me!
That’s what she told me in there. If she’d known exactly what my situation was, she would’ve tried to adopt me.
She knew enough, knew something wasn’t right, but she didn’t push.
She…” The fight suddenly left her, as if she’d deflated.
“You told her it wouldn’t have mattered.”
“I lied,” she said flatly. “I said that to make her feel better, but I lied. Yes, there would’ve been a time period where I didn’t trust them.
But eventually, if they’d stuck it out with me, it would’ve helped.
It would’ve made so much difference. But even as I say that, something in me thinks, why would they have wasted that on me?
I had shelter. I had food. I was physically safe.
Others had it worse. They should’ve adopted someone else if they were going to help anyone. ”
“Rain…” I started, not totally sure what to say.
“And he wasn’t even my father. Not my real one.
I didn’t know! I wished I had known. Why did my mom lie to everyone about that?
She could’ve—things could’ve been better.
” She was back to whispering, her voice coming out sounding so tiny.
“He didn’t know I wasn’t his and he still treated me like that.
I—why? Was it just because I was a girl?
Did he actually know he wasn’t my real dad?
Maybe he could sense it, but no. He would’ve kicked me out.
I know he would’ve. And if someone questioned him, he would’ve told them I wasn’t his kid so why did he need to put up with me?
” Tears kept streaming down her face. One silent trail after another.
She wasn’t even fighting them. “What was so wrong with me?”
I reached over, cupped the back of her neck, and held her tight.
“You did nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with you. The problem lies with him. With them. Not you. You hear me? Not. You. I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.
There’s nothing wrong with you. There is only good in you. You got me?”
“Tyler,” she whimpered, closing her eyes and letting her head fall forward.
Christ. I wanted to take the world on for her. She didn’t deserve to feel this. Not her. I meant what I said. She was only good.
“You went to the hospital with me.”
“What?”
I said it again. “You went to the hospital with me. You went there not knowing what you were going to walk into, and you still went. You were by my side. You went to get us coffees. You are everything that’s right in the world, and you don’t have one clue about it.
You are my sunshine. Day one, I wanted you.
Day two, I never wanted to leave your side.
You’ve become my foundation and baby, I’m generally rock solid.
I don’t really need a foundation, but I’m addicted to you.
I can’t leave you. Like, literally. Ever.
There are not enough words to tell you how much I love you, how much I need you.
You steady me. You are brave. You inspire me.
I want to be better for you, because of you.
You make me a better person and that says everything about you.
You might be slow to letting people in, but that’s the only flaw I can see in you and I don’t think that’s even a flaw.
I got a feeling that when you love, you love hard and I will sign up any day and every day for some of that goodness from you.
” I squeezed the back of her neck, gently. “Do you believe me?”
She held my gaze, a few more tears sliding down her face, but there was a hole in her pain. Some of the sun I knew in her started to peek out. She said, “Yeah.”
“Good.”
“It’s all fresh.”
“What is?”
“This. Me.” She pointed at her head. “This shit that’s in there.
I didn’t know there was a name for it.” She was quiet a moment.
“I told you about Mal, how he found me at the bar yesterday. He told me about his cousin.” She looked up at me as I began massaging her neck.
“Ty, Miriam was like me. We didn’t get into that last night, but she was like me.
” Her eyes filled with tears again, along with a flash of annoyance.
She wiped savagely at her face. “I’ve not cried in years, because there was no point, and now for the last twenty-four hours, I can’t stop crying. ”
She closed her eyes, and I knew she was going to get lost in her head.
I let go of her neck and took one her hands, pulling it into my lap. “Tell me about Mal’s cousin.”
She gazed back at me with such sorrow, the words coming out in a whisper, “I can’t.
I—I just can’t, because if I do, if I tell you the name, and you look it up, it’s a road map to my entire childhood.
But it makes me feel less crazy. It makes me feel that a part of me was normal, and maybe if I’d grown up in a household like that, I might not have…
” She trailed off, looking toward Coach’s house.
“You might not have what?”
She shook her head, looking my way again. “Tonight? I’ll tell you everything tonight.”
I laced our fingers together. “Okay. Tonight.”
As I put the truck in drive and eased away from the curb, she whispered, “Please don’t leave me after you find out how messed up I am inside.”
I squeezed her hand so tightly, only loosening my hold when I worried I might break her fingers. “I’ll never fucking leave you because of something that was done to you.”
“Promise.”
“You’re only sunshine, cupcakes, and lilacs to me. Only good in you. That’s the easiest promise I’ve ever made in my life.”
I was really, really looking forward to the game tomorrow against her brother.