Chapter 5 - Ezra
I still couldn't believe Zoe had agreed to the arrangement even as I stood outside her place, leaning against my truck. Looking through the lit-up bedroom window, I could see her silhouette as she packed some bags.
It was a simple thing, yet it made something clench within me, almost like it was genuine and not just a plan hatched between us. In a way, it felt like we were running off together somewhere and leaving everything else behind.
But that was ridiculous. She only agreed to help me to get Rory off her back. Well, that was what I assumed, anyway.
Regardless, I knew I had to stick to the plan. Even if it felt strange to think about Zoe packing her things to come stay at my house, there wasn't anything between us. She hated me, and I was still feeling guilty, unable to do anything about it.
We still never fully addressed why I rejected her that day, as both of us didn’t seem able to touch the topic regardless of how much time had passed. She thought I just didn’t want to be with her, but in reality, I did it to spare her from my baggage, and to avoid any nuclear fallout between me and Sebastian. I hated every second of it, but I knew it had to be done for both our sakes.
I always knew Zoe deserved better than me, even if I had been selfish and gave in to my desires before. By the time the damage had already been done, I knew I couldn’t continue—I couldn’t risk hurting her more down the road. That intention still stood.
Just because we’d agreed to do this didn't mean anything had to change—or would change.
But still, thanks to her, I felt better equipped to deal with my parents and all the issues there. If everything went well, then I knew I'd really owe her.
I struggled to comprehend the thought of having Zoe in my home, being able to see her every day, and being forced to be in the same space. We had done a relatively good job of avoiding each other up until that point, so even considering being near each other was difficult.
Despite my shock about her agreeing to play along with my plan, I was grateful she didn't just call me an idiot and move on. It stirred something within me, but reminding myself to keep any semblance of feelings or emotions out of the situation, I pushed the thoughts aside and continued to wait for her.
Eventually, the bedroom light flicked off, and after a moment, the whole place went dark, and the front door opened. As she went to lock the door, I moved up the few concrete steps and grabbed her bags. Slinging the backpack over my shoulder, I easily picked up her suitcases and noted how many things she was bringing.
Zoe lifted a brow in my direction as if surprised to see me helping, but she didn't say anything and returned her focus on locking the door.
I decided it was best not to comment on her excessive packing and instead took everything to the truck.
Carefully, I placed everything in the back while Zoe came down the steps, and I had to force myself to ignore the slight twist in my chest at the thought of how prepared she was to stay for a prolonged time.
But I couldn't focus on that. I had to keep my head on straight and commit to the plan. Even if it was increasingly difficult to concentrate knowing that we were alone for the first time in a while, and she looked far too appealing in those clothes that hugged her curves in all the right places.
Eventually, we both got in the truck silently. As she buckled up, I turned the engine on and adjusted the radio, making sure it wasn't too loud or on an obnoxious station she would probably hate.
For a brief moment, I lost myself in fussing over every little thing as if suddenly self-conscious or too aware of how she might perceive me. But when I realized what I was doing, I shoved those thoughts aside and threw the truck into drive.
Pulling away from her place, it suddenly felt more real than before. It clicked that we were committing to it, and our goal was to convince my parents, along with anyone else who might bother Zoe, that we were, in fact, in love and engaged.
It was a bittersweet thought I had to force myself to ignore, regardless of how enticing it was.
As I drove back to my pack grounds, more silence lingered between us, only broken up by the radio's quiet playing. It was certainly awkward, and I spent far too long trying to come up with something to say.
Eventually, I couldn't stand that deafening silence anymore, and I glanced over at her, finding her face carefully lit up by the streetlights as we moved through Sebastian's territory.
"Opening day went well," I said, deciding it was a good place to start.
Zoe hummed in acknowledgment as she looked straight ahead. While she didn't seem overly uncomfortable, something strange about her body language made my heart clench.
I used to think I was fairly perceptive of her thoughts and feelings, but at that moment, I had no idea what was going through her mind.
"There seemed to be a lot of people from out of town," I tried again, throwing her another glance. "That should be good for business."
I hoped bringing up the new gym would be a neutral enough territory, but I was wrong.
She let go of a breath, wearing an almost bored, avoidant expression. It was a shame, too, given how beautiful she looked as we passed beneath those lights. Instead, she turned away and looked out her window.
My comments hung heavily in the air, unanswered and left open, aware that she wasn't interested despite my efforts.
Deciding to drop it, I sighed to myself and focused on the road ahead.
It irked me. I felt like I was trying to communicate with a small child, only to be given the cold shoulder. If that were the case, I'd give her a bit more grace.
But Zoe was obviously struggling with our plan, and while I wanted to understand, given our past, it still annoyed me.
Regardless, I forced myself to ignore it. It wasn't important.
Pushing everything aside, I kept my eyes on the road and tried to ignore the fact that her familiar scent was filling the cab of my truck, reminding me of the time we had spent together.
Despite her refusal to speak to me, I couldn’t help but reflect on how well we had gotten along before. We seemed to mesh together so effortlessly, yet after the pain I had caused, Zoe was still closed off.
Even if she agreed to help me with my parents, that didn't mean she'd make some miracle one-eighty and stop hating me overnight. I knew that was a long shot.
Eventually, as we passed between territories, moving along those secluded roads, we pulled into my pack grounds. A sense of ease and comfort blanketed me as I took those familiar turns and eventually reached my street.
While Sebastian and everyone else's pack grounds felt like a home away from home, there was no better feeling than returning to your own territory.
Finally, I pulled into the driveway and noticed Zoe's vague apprehension. Yet she corrected herself quickly and replaced it with an indifferent expression.
I had the feeling she was trying to play it cool, but I knew she was trying to come to terms with it in the same way I was.
Given our history, there was no doubt why it felt so strange to find ourselves in that position despite both agreeing to it.
We had been a significant part of each other's life, if only briefly, only to end everything on a cold note. Given the intimate implications of our arrangement, it was difficult to come to terms with.
I killed the engine, pulling the keys out as I looked at her again and handed them to her. "Go ahead, I'll grab your bags."
Zoe looked at me hesitantly for a moment as if second-guessing every little thing I said despite it being completely harmless.
With a sigh, I pushed them into her hand gently before popping my door open and getting out.
Knowing we had been in a good place once was irritating, but I kept silently reminding myself that she wasn't to blame. It was a result of my own carelessness, and it was entirely my fault.
As I walked to the back and hauled her bags out, I watched Zoe unlock the front door before pushing her way inside, leaving it open for me.
While I carried her things in, I couldn't ignore the subtle pain that moved through my chest. I still couldn't believe what I had done to her and how the consequences were still biting me in the ass. As much as I wanted to think I was valid in my reasons for rejecting Zoe before, I knew they didn't add up, given just how hurt she had been by it.
Something in me just wanted her to see that I wasn't a horrible guy, but I knew it would take a lot more convincing than just a few hours.
Even if Zoe had agreed to the plan, she seemed mostly reluctant about it as she walked ahead while I closed the door.
"The spare room's—"
"Upstairs on the right, I know," Zoe murmured before climbing the staircase as I followed.
Hearing that simple recall from her struck me harder than I expected it to.
It was easy to forget how often she had been at my house before and how well she knew the place. That guilt only deepened the longer I considered it.
Before I could drive myself crazy, I followed her up the stairs until we eventually reached the spare room.
Zoe stepped inside first, taking a brief look around while I carefully put her bags down before putting my hands in my pockets.
"I can grab you whatever you need for the ensuite. Just let me know what you like," I said, hoping she'd find something in my offer.
Still, Zoe stood there, glancing around somewhat awkwardly. She looked at me for only a moment, then nodded to herself. "Will do."
It wasn't the greatest answer, but it was at least words, so I wasn't willing to be picky about it.
Instead, I gave her a nod before I backed toward the door, well aware that she wouldn't want me hovering. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything."
At her quiet hum of acknowledgment, I left the room and closed the door before I started down the hall again.
The moment I was alone and out of earshot, I forced out a breath and tried to push away the aftermath of that awkwardness.
Heading downstairs, I found a spot on the couch and turned on the TV, even though I wasn’t paying much attention.
I had the feeling she'd likely stay in the spare bedroom for most of the night, leaving me uncertain about the whole thing.
The plan was absolutely based on instinct and convenience, not to mention desperation, but that didn't mean I wanted either of us to be uncomfortable or hurt by it.
I just wanted to free myself from my parents and to help her get Rory and anyone else off her back. I could only hope those two things would be possible.
Still, as I sat back in my armchair and absently watched a recent game on the screen, I couldn't stop my mind from drifting to the kiss. To how shocked Zoe was, regardless of how she seemed to melt into it.
While I didn't want to admit it, that short-lived affection had been satisfying, and I couldn't fight the small smile that moved across my lips at the thought of it.