Chapter 6 - Zoe
Coming to terms with everything, especially the kiss and how Ezra showed me off for his parents, was more difficult than I initially imagined.
I felt strangely overwhelmed.
Before, Ezra and I got along so well that I envisioned those things with him: living with him, meeting his parents, and getting engaged for real. Even if we had known each other for a short time then, there was no mistaking how that mate bond snapped into place for me.
I felt so connected to Ezra, as if we truly were two halves of one whole. It was like I had finally come home after I met him, and after we had sex, that feeling increased tenfold.
Then, I wanted to be with him. I wanted everything that came with having a mate, and I could see myself being happy with Ezra.
But when he rejected me so coldly, claiming he didn't want anything to do with me, it broke me in ways I had never been hurt before. Losing that connection I quickly depended upon was agonizing, and I put in serious work to get over it again.
Having Ezra pull me into his side and kiss me so casually as if it were second nature, gave me absolute whiplash. Despite knowing it had only been for show to convince his parents and Rory we were together, I still couldn't get over how real it felt. How natural it seemed.
It was difficult for me to understand, being in his house, in his space, and currently in his life. To be in his pack grounds and surrounded by his members again was strange…almost like nothing had changed and no time had passed.
I have made it my life's mission to hate him since the day he rejected me, and it has been mostly easy to accomplish. However, with the new and uncharted territory we found ourselves in, things never seemed more uncertain.
Without a doubt, I was still furious with him for breaking my heart and ruining what could have been a good thing. But there was no avoiding the weird sensation that moved through me at the memory of Ezra calling me his fiancée.
The way it affected me so easily worried me. I made strides in healing myself, and while that wound had mostly healed, I knew it was still vulnerable. I didn't want to risk reopening it, but it was too late to go back. Ezra sealed that fate for both of us when he told his parents we were engaged.
All in all, I couldn't believe I even agreed to the ridiculous plan. It was crazy, and I had no business convincing anyone of anything. Especially nothing involving Ezra.
Despite how Ezra had given me space for those first few days while we both tried to get used to the new arrangement, I needed a break and decided to head back home. Luckily, Ezra was already on the way to see Sebastian, so he dropped me off before heading out. Of course, the ride there was just as awkward as before, but at least he didn't try to make any small talk.
But finding myself in Sebastian and Lydia's place gave me the chance to breathe again.
Luckily, it was also an excuse to play with Callie.
Even if I was lost in thought, I couldn't help but smile as the little one stumbled around, alternating between playing with blocks and coloring while beginning to form more words.
I did my best to keep up with her despite my wandering mind, at least finding joy in her presence. Something about her smiles and excited laughter made my heart swell, and I was over the moon about being an aunt.
Seeing how perfect Sebastian's life seemed after everything he’d been through was nice. He and Lydia sorted everything out and realized they couldn't be without each other. Their mate bond was powerful enough for even outsiders to feel, and I deeply admired it.
I was beyond happy for the two of them. I always wanted my brother to find his mate and Luna and to know what it was like to feel that kind of love.
After wanting it so badly, he finally got that connection, and they even managed to start their family together, too.
It was so nice to see, but at the same time, it forced me to examine my own life, to look inward, and to try to understand what direction I was heading in.
Even if I didn't make it overly obvious, I wanted a successful mating story of my own. I wanted to say that I had a connection so strong and pure that nobody would ever doubt it.
I wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by someone so unconditionally and to feel that love every day, regardless of what was going on around us.
I needed to know what that was like.
For a moment, it felt like I had been so close to knowing. I had the chance to explore that connection with Ezra, but he had burned that idea down and reduced our connection to ash.
He brutally rejected me, and I never told anyone else about it. I was too embarrassed to. Instead, I kept moving forward, focusing on my work and planning the gym developments.
Not even Lydia knew.
Knowing my mate's bond crashed and burned before it could ever really begin, I felt like a complete failure. I hated it.
Regardless of that fact, I was supposed to pretend to be the very thing I wanted more than anything with Ezra, all to convince his parents to get off his back.
Watching as Callie bumbled around, sometimes losing her footing, I put my arms out to catch her from time to time, smiling at her unbridled joy.
Feeling her warm body in my arms, along with her delicate heartbeat that grew stronger every day, was enough to make me feel almost emotional.
She was a precious part of Sebastian's life, and while I certainly felt it as her aunt, I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have a child of my own.
My thoughts got away from me again as Callie got back up and hurried off with an excited swell of laughter. In that moment of weakness, something in me wished the fiancée part of our arrangement had been true. That at one point in time, it was real, and Ezra cared enough about me to get to that point.
Something about the idea warmed me, and despite my best interests, I lingered on that prospect.
But as the tower of building blocks tipped and hit the floor, I nearly jumped out of my skin and sucked in a breath, forcing those thoughts away.
Shaking my head, I dismissed every idea that was remotely related to Ezra and me being something. After everything that happened, I refused to think about him in that way.
I knew it was a slippery slope and had to push those old feelings back down.
After all the work I did to feel better and more like myself again, I wasn't going to open that wound up for a second time.
Lydia let go of a contented sigh as she stepped into the living room. She toweled her hair down and wore a fresh set of clothes. She smiled with relief and came over to us. "Thanks so much for watching her while I showered. That hit the spot."
I smiled and nodded as I got up from the floor to sit on one of the couches, slightly relieved she was back to distract me from my thoughts. "It's no problem at all. What are aunties for?"
Lydia smiled, and it grew as Callie hurried over to her excitedly, nearly toppling several times before reaching her. She put her arms up in request, and Lydia gladly picked her up, bringing her into her lap.
I couldn't help the warmth that moved through me at the sight. I was so relieved that Lydia managed to get the life she wanted. She especially deserved it after everything that happened.
As Callie settled in her lap and happily leaned against her, looking tired, Lydia let go of a gentle breath and returned her attention to me. "Now that order has been restored, and I feel clean again, I want to hear everything that happened at the grand opening."
Despite being well aware that Sebastian would've already told her the gist of it, I was happy to hear her interest anyway.
"It was way bigger than I imagined, honestly," I began, thinking back on it fondly. It was a day I had looked forward to for so long, and to see that dream of mine brought to life meant so much to me. "There were loads of people, and I spent most of the time greeting them and preparing memberships. It seemed to impress everyone, so I imagine it will be a hit."
Lydia offered me a genuine grin as she rubbed Callie's back, gently lulling her to sleep. "I'm so glad to hear it, Zoe. I know how much this means to you, and you've done an incredible job so far. It'll be a success for sure."
Touched by her words, my cheeks started to ache faintly from smiling. "That means so much to me. I feel lucky to have so much support from everyone. It makes all the difference."
"Of course. You deserve it," she affirmed, words nothing but kind. "And hey, Sebastian and Ezra are both there right now, so it must be good."
As much as I wanted to forget about Ezra and everything surrounding the plan, I remembered how he mentioned we would need to at least let our close friends in on it. I didn't think I'd find a more fitting time, so I pulled in a breath with a feeling of resolve.
"Speaking of Ezra..."
Lydia's brows lifted with her curiosity. "Yeah?"
"Something interesting happened during the opening," I began, already able to feel her anticipation. Even if it wasn't just some simple matter for me to talk about, I knew it would be something for Lydia to chew on, and what kind of friend would I be if I didn't share it with her?
So, I jumped right in, telling her about Rory, Ezra stepping in, everything with his parents, and our agreement. While I left out the part about our history, still unwilling to tell anyone, I gave her all the other details I could.
By the end of it, I could only imagine how sore her jaw was from it falling open repeatedly.
Lydia gave me a look of pure disbelief. "So, you're telling me that reserved, aloof Ezra Pierce went to you for help? And now you're pretending to be engaged?"
Taking a breath, still in disbelief myself, I nodded. "That's exactly it."
Her scandalized expression was unmistakable; I could tell I threw her for a loop with that one.
She simply blinked at me a few times before giggling to herself. "How in the world did you find yourself in this situation?"
I ignored the twinge of pain at the reminder of my and Ezra's past and shrugged. "I've been asking myself the same thing."
After a moment of silence, while she processed it, Lydia suddenly smiled. "You have to keep me updated on this. This is genuinely one of the most exciting things I've heard in a while."
I couldn't help but chuckle to myself at that. I had the feeling she was right. "You know I will."
Lydia grinned. "And this is why we're best friends."
Even if things were rocky and uncertain with Ezra, and the situation was less than ideal for me, it was good to see the humor in it for a moment. To know that it was absurd, and I wasn't the only one thinking it.