Chapter Three
Aaron
Present Day
As we pull up to our hidden little corner of the river the boys jump out and start unpacking the truck. Before I can leave the cabin, Amber rests a hand on my forearm.
“Hey. Bear—is he okay? Was that not weird?” I turn from her and stare out the window at Benjamin where he’s helping Felix lay out towels—held down by the ice chest and miscellaneous shoes. I shrug. “I just… I feel like he’s not in a great environment. He looked—like—really scared back there.”
Amber isn’t wrong. The pure panic I saw on his face; the way he paled.
I’m not sure what’s going on at home for Benjamin, but I don’t think it’s pleasant.
He never has any marks or anything concerning, but he spends ninety-nine percent of his time at our house, and anytime he’s asked something personal he begins to twitch—itching at his arms like he’s covered in mosquito bites.
I don’t want to ask and upset him. After all this time—if he wanted to tell us—he would have, right? If it was bad?
“Yeah—something’s happening. But he doesn’t want to talk about it. And he’s with us mostly anyway. All we can do is be here with him.” Amber nods solemnly—no other choice but to drop it—and we leave the truck to join the two of them.
After last night—when I perved on him in the shower like a fucking weirdo—I thought for sure I’d have a mountain of questions to answer this morning. But it was quiet, and when Benjamin finally came downstairs he was calm and unbothered.
Giving me a comforting smile, as if to tell me it really wasn’t that big of a deal.
I was very relieved at the time—yet the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.
Not a big deal, huh? Well, I can’t stop thinking about it.
It was a big fucking deal to me. But whatever.
I guess I should be grateful that he didn’t freak out—all things considered.
He was probably uncomfortable as hell and just wants to forget about it. I can give him that at least.
Except—as he strips off his shirt—standing in just his tiny swim shorts as he messes around with Felix, shoving and grabbing at each other, I can’t just forget about it. How he looked—how I still want to know how he would have felt if I had just reached out and touched.
“Ready?” Amber asks, smiling brightly, stripped down to her bikini. It’s red and barely big enough to cover where it needs to. Normally I would be all over this. And although I can admire it as I look, my mind still wanders back to last night.
“Okay, here’s the challenge.” Felix says, turning to look at all of us. “Whoever gets the most air gets to pick the movie we watch tonight.” He nods toward the rope swing that hangs over the cliff to our left. It’s over the deep side of the river and is only about twenty feet up.
“You’re on, Fefe.” Amber says, climbing the path to the rope—Felix right behind her. Benjamin laughs, following as well, looking over his shoulder at me with a smile that says this is silly. right?
I smile back and begin to relax. Yeah, this is fine.
Amber gets the most air and Felix throws a fit—saying that because she’s a woman she’s more aerodynamic. We can’t stop laughing as he splashes around and Benjamin jumps on his head, pushing him under.
“This silence is great—isn’t it?” He asks, holding Felix under. Amber laughs and they smile at each other. My chest gets a bit tight.
I’ve never been a jealous person. Not really.
Even with Amber—I have no reason to doubt our friendship or our feelings—so why should I care how other people drool over her?
News flash—I shouldn’t. So I don’t. But as they smile together, as if they share some private joke, Amber’s words ring in my ears.
You could make just about anyone risk a case.
My stomach churns. Only, I don’t feel jealous over Amber—but more of her. Which is pathetic.
Felix pops back up, gasping for breath and glaring at Benjamin who laughs some more, his hair stuck to his forehead.
As the tightness in my chest evaporates, everything in this moment feels so natural, so put in place. Felix and Benjamin laughing together—Amber by my side as we watch them. The day my mom gave Benjamin his nickname—Bear—I think we all knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Aw, little Benny Bear! You look so cute in your Christmas jammies!” Benjamin was twelve and spending his first Christmas with us.
He has since evolved into being just “Bear.” I can’t remember the last time anyone in my family—outside of me and occasionally Amber—called him Benjamin.
And Amber—she started hanging around when we were freshmen in high school, and although she still refers to my parents formally, she’s woven her way into the family as well. Now—they just belong.
An hour or two later I get out of the water, seeing Benjamin laying on one of the towels and once again soaking in the sun like a starving flower. Amber and Felix splash each other from where they are still swimming behind me. Taking a deep breath, I grab a water bottle and lay next to Benjamin.
“Button.” I intend to sound casual—like I’m just here to rest for a second and he happened to be here already.
Which truly is what happened. But in the ultimate act of betrayal, my voice comes out in a soft whisper, as if I’m trying to keep this greeting between the two of us.
Benjamin turns his head from where it was tilted toward the sky—his face inches from mine where I’m already turned toward him. Hazel eyes meet mine.
“Aaron.” He says in return, his voice full of humor, but just as soft.
As if this is so amusing to him—as if he enjoys it—this little awkward moment we have.
His eyes are half-open, a lazy smile on his lips, and I can see a dusting of freckles starting to appear on the bridge of his nose due to the summer sun.
His skin is radiating heat—I can feel him from where I lay—untouching.
Goosebumps appear all over my body as I watch a strand of hair fall across his forehead.
“Enjoying the sun?” I ask as the world’s lamest conversationalist ever. I don’t understand how I spent years of my life with this kid—only to be so awkward and tripped up out of nowhere. As if we’ve just met. As if we’re just now seeing each other for what we’re worth.
“Oh yes.” He says with a laugh, his breath hitting my face. He smells of citrus and river water. “I enjoy baking like a red velvet cake.”
“Why red velvet?”
“Because it’s my favorite.”
“Hmm.” He shrugs, and we continue looking at each other for a minute before he turns his face back to the sun, closing his eyes with a sigh.
“It makes everything so peaceful and quiet.” He says. “The sun—I mean. Letting it cover me like this.” I study his profile, his full lips, his button nose. I swallow.
“What are you quieting?” He seems startled by my question, and right as I’m about to apologize for prying, he sighs again. He points to his head.
“Here.” I have no idea what he’s trying to say—but I do believe it’s the realest thing he’s ever told me—so I hold onto that and don’t push him any further. We lay in silence for a minute longer, and I watch sweat trail down his neck. I want to touch him. And like the masochist I am—I do.
Reaching out as lightly as I can manage, I trace the bow of his top lip.
When he doesn’t move away, only his breathing showing acknowledgment to the touch as it speeds up, I trace the bottom too.
I then wedge my finger gently between his lips—not pushing into his mouth—just far enough to feel the heat, the wet warmth that I know lies there.
I shudder slightly, and he turns his head to face me, my hand staying where it is on his lips.
He stares into my eyes, and I can see so many questions there—ones I can’t answer, not now. I swallow thickly.
“Is it now? Quiet—I mean.” My voice is so soft and low, I wonder for a second if he even hears me. But then he parts his lips and—without ever removing my finger that falls to rest on his full bottom lip—he responds.
“Yes.” His wide eyes blink once, then twice.
He breathes heavily. “It’s very quiet.” I smile at that.
And then slowly but surely, he gives me one of those sun smiles, all breathtaking and inches from me.
So cruel—to be so untouchable like this.
I move my finger to one of his dimples and press into it.
Benjamin makes a tiny gasping sound that goes immediately to my dick—where it absolutely shouldn’t be.
I rip my hand away and sit up with a quickness—hugging my knees to my chest—trying to hide my half-hard dick and all the shame that comes along with it.
Benjamin stays absolutely still, as if by moving a muscle he’ll startle me off.
I’m too scared to look at his face, in fear of seeing disgust or anger.
Or even worse—desire. If I looked down and saw the begging look in his eyes that I see so frequently in my unrelenting fantasies, I would absolutely lean over and touch him anywhere I could get my hands. With that in mind—I stand.
“Later, Button.” I call over my shoulder—not daring to look back. As I swim back to where Amber and Felix are, I try to calm my breathing and look as if nothing interesting at all just happened to me.
“Hey, babe.” Amber says, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. I’m just tall enough to touch the ground and have my shoulders still above the water line. I hold her ass—keeping her where she is.
“And what are you two up to?” I ask, smiling at Felix.
“Just playing mermaids. Amber insisted. What’s wrong with Bear?” Felix looks over my shoulder, and I don’t turn to look—to see if he’s gotten up or if he’s approaching.
“He wanted to lay in the sun.” I say shortly. Felix nods and turns his attention back to Amber.