Chapter Eighteen
Benjamin
The end of August is sweltering; I can feel the back of my shirt sticking to my skin.
I tied it up this morning to get some relief from the heat, but instead it’s just showing my very sweaty stomach.
Trails of said sweat are running down my stomach and back, soaking into the waistband of my briefs where they stick out from the top of my board shorts.
I can feel it trailing my thighs too—probably collecting in my fucking socks.
My shorts only go down my thighs far enough to cover half of the scar Aaron gave me, and some twisted part of me has been getting off on it all day.
Felix and I are about done moving everything into our dorm. Tina and Greg left about ten minutes ago, and surprisingly she cried more than Felix this time. Aaron hasn’t come by yet—he’s been in charge of some club orientation activity for his major.
The dorm isn’t very big, but we have our own beds for the first time in—well—ever.
The bathroom isn’t too bad if not kind of cramped, and if I’m honest I’m definitely not going to be able to fit all my clothes in that wardrobe.
As soon as Tina and Greg started giving me an allowance for chores around the house, I turned into a fashion diva. I’ve expanded too much, apparently.
We have everything moved in and mostly unpacked—still soaked in sweat and tired from the sun. Felix sits on his bed in his tank top and basketball shorts, glaring at the floor with his ever-growing black curls stuck to his neck.
“What’s wrong, princess?” I purr, setting some of my shoes in a neat line by the wardrobe.
“You don’t think it’s weird? Or kind of sad?” Looking at him, I tilt my head a little. He won’t meet my eyes.
“What is?”
“The beds.” Finally, Felix’s warm green eyes find mine. He’s deathly serious. “We’re so far apart now.” Aww. He’s upset we won’t be sleeping together anymore.
Staring at me so intensely, he’s trying to see into my soul—to find if my body and heart will miss his just as much as his will miss mine when we’re separated permanently for the first time in what feels like forever.
If he can’t see that far on his own, can’t find what he’s looking for in my eyes, then I’ll just tell him.
I am his as much as he is mine.
“Okay, easy. We push the beds together. Boom. One big bed.” Felix perks up, a smile brightening his face.
“Really? Can we?”
Ten minutes later our beds are made into one, our wardrobes side by side. Our desks stay across the room from each other, but that’s more of a spatial issue.
“Ah, much better.” He says, hands on his hips.
We’re grinning at our masterpiece—now further drenched—when a knock sounds at the door.
At first, I imagine it’s Drew. He moved into the dorm building next door.
He was pretty upset when I told him I’d be rooming with Felix, but eventually he understood that I’ve been planning this dorm arrangement since I was eight.
“I wonder if it’s Kay. She’s on the first floor of this building.” Felix heads to the door as I start to make our giant bed. They’ll have their own sheets, but we can share the comforters. Felix is a crazy sleeper, so he’d end up under my blanket anyway. “Bub!”
“Wow, you guys really can’t take ten feet of space between you, can you?
” Aaron stands in the doorway. He looks just as he did all those weeks ago—the last time I saw him.
My eighteenth birthday was the last time our paths crossed, when he caught me alone in the kitchen and gifted me a charm. A small, golden button. Now, he’s here.
His black curls frame his head and the base of his neck, those green eyes boring into me as they trace up my body, lingering over my thighs and exposed stomach—then returning to the scar he left.
His shoulders are so wide; I believe he’s strong enough to pick me up and throw me to my first lecture if I wanted him to.
His eyes leave my thigh and find mine.
“Afternoon, Button.” There is so much heat there. In his expression, the twitch of his hands, change in his stance. It feels like he’s trying not to pounce.
“Hi.” It’s just barely a whisper; I’m rooted to this spot under that gaze.
“Okay…” Felix says, looking between us. “Aaron, are you giving us a tour or what? Also, I’m hungry—please buy us lunch.” Tension successfully broken, Aaron ruffles Felix’s hair, pushing his head away with a laugh.
“Let’s go then.”
We begin our walk to the cafeteria—the start of our grand tour—grabbing Kayla in the lobby.
She and Felix dive into a conversation covering their routines for the next year and how they’ll manage dates, etc.
Boring. I let them walk ahead of me, enjoying the sun as it beats down on me—feeling the sweat cooling my skin, the burn of the rays.
Aaron moves to walk next to me, and right as he’s about to speak he halts—grabbing me by the arm to stop me alongside him. The two ahead of us keep walking, unaware of our detour.
“Hey,” Aaron says, staring down at me intensely—eyes wide. “Did you pierce your nose?”
My hand shoots to the gold ring in my left nostril, touching it softly before falling away. I forgot he hasn’t seen it; I got it a couple of days after my birthday.
“Yeah, not too long ago.” I got some other piercings as well, but I don’t feel it’s appropriate to mention those at the moment.
“Wow. Why?” His stare, his tone. I don’t think he likes it very much. My stomach feels hot, and I can feel my cheeks flushing. I turn away from him, looking ahead of us in the direction Felix went. Why do I want to cry?
“I wanted to. I think it looks nice.”
Aaron grabs my chin lightly, turning me back to him—and my stomach settles. He’s able to do that so quickly, to control my emotions. One word, one touch. Like they were never mine. Like he’s inside of me pulling the strings.
“It looks really nice.” My cheeks darken further, but I don’t turn away—even as his hand drops. “It’s very pretty, especially with your golden hair.” Some part of my chest twists.
“Yeah, that’s why I chose gold. You’re the only one who said anything about that, actually.”
Aaron has an innate obsession with being the only one to do something—to say or see. Specifically when it comes to me. So the wide grin that spreads across his face doesn’t surprise me, and neither does when he says,
“That’s cool.” Casually, happily. I roll my eyes, heading once again to the cafeteria. He trails behind me.
The tour is pretty lengthy—UA really is a big campus, and Felix likes to stop and explore everywhere we go.
We see all the dorm buildings, the restaurants by the cafeteria.
The cafés littered around for the students to spend more of their money—and hopefully also study.
Greek Row, where all the sorority and frat houses are, is pretty but not very interesting.
And the only other buildings I bother paying attention to are the main library and the ones dedicated to our majors.
That—and the pool. It’s huge. Olympic-size almost. As long as you have an ID card, it’s within operating hours, and it’s not rented out, you can swim there.
There are palm trees everywhere on campus—fake grass in big patches with benches and water fountains.
It really is quite beautiful. If you walk about five minutes north of campus, Aaron tells us, there are a couple of streets that the students affectionately call Campus Corner.
It’s full of bars, clubs, restaurants—and even a strip club.
Felix and I immediately look at each other upon hearing that, trying our hardest not to laugh.
“What?” Aaron asks. “Plan on going?” He sounds like an angry father. We bust up laughing.
Aaron continues his tour, showing us a neighborhood across the street from the library. Apparently, a lot of the athletes live here and if there’s a party that’s not Greek-related, it’s probably on this street.
“But promise me—all of you. No parties your first year unless you’re with me or Amber. Or actually, we’ll introduce you to our friends. So literally any of us.” We nod—reasonable enough.
As we’re walking back to the dorm, I see Drew heading that way—most likely to find me. Aaron looks down at me, as if to say, you’re still dating that guy? To which I say nothing.
“Drew!” Kayla yells, stopping him from walking to an empty dorm.
He spins around; his black chino shorts match well with the blush-pink short-sleeved turtleneck he’s wearing.
His brown hair is pushed back from his face with a hint of gel, giving him a Hollywood look.
If there’s one good thing about Drew, he always looks good. Right down to his black Sperry’s.
As we approach him, his eyes look me up and down—his lips pursing, eyes narrowing.
“Hey.” I greet him, giving him a soft smile. “How did moving in go? Did your mom leave? I wanted to say hi.” He looks at me for a moment, and I can feel myself fidget under his gaze.
“Yeah. She did. Ben, what are you wearing?” My cheeks flush for the hundredth time today. All of our friends are looking around awkwardly, and my hand lays over my exposed stomach almost protectively.
“It was hot moving all our stuff, so I just wore gym clothes.” Even I can hear how nervous I sound—how I sound guilty, like I’ve committed a crime. Have I? I can never tell if I’m fucking up or if Drew is being weird about random things. It’s confusing.
“Those shorts are pretty short.”
My eyes fall to his shoes—face on fire. God, this is so embarrassing.
Pissing off your boyfriend in front of all of your friends is something only I could pull off.
I know I’m in the wrong. I know he might be able to see the scar Aaron left—that he doesn’t like that Aaron can see so much of my skin.
But it was so hot. And the scar… I don’t know.
No excuses there, I guess. I want the ground to swallow me whole.