Chapter Fifty
Aaron
Imust have managed to fall asleep after all. My body feels sore all over, and I wonder if for the first time in my life I will have to take a break from sex for personal health reasons. As if Benjamin would let me.
I reach out to the right—feeling for him.
My arm slams into something hard and plastic.
Fuck—that hurt. I try to open my eyes, but it feels like they’ve crusted over and my entire body now feels like pins and needles.
And why does it smell like disinfectant in here?
Has Benjamin gotten up to clean the villa?
I can’t hear the ocean. I actually… beeping. Familiar machines work around me.
Disinfectant—machines—pins and needles and crusted eyes. This all sounds way too much like I’m in a hospital. What the fuck happened to me last night?!
I try to speak but my throat is on fire so I just cough—which of course hurts even worse.
“Aaron! Hit the panic button, Greg!” It’s my mother’s voice. It was bad enough for my family to come to Fiji? Why can’t I remember? “Felix—come up to your brother’s room. He woke up!” She must be on the phone.
Someone puts a straw to my lips, and I take a small sip of warm water.
It feels like heaven—so I drink the whole glass.
I can feel a nurse piddling around me and finally—she’s resting warm compresses over my eyes.
After a moment or two, I can open them. I adjust to the light, looking around the room.
Mom, Dad, Amber, Fe, and Kayla all stand around a respectable distance away. They look fucking horrible. As if they’ve just witnessed a national tragedy live and don’t know how to deal with it. I look down and see my left arm is in a cast—broken.
Ah—so I broke my arm. I must have hit my head as well.
“Hey—” My voice is scratchy still, but now it’s working. “Sorry to make you all worry. I must have fallen while we were paddleboarding, I didn’t mean to scare you. Pretty long flight, huh?” No one laughs—they stare at me with that same pained expression.
“What are you talking about?” Felix sounds like I’m devastating him.
“Uh—what do you mean? My arm is clearly broken, and you guys have clearly flown here to Fiji.” I roll my eyes at my baby brother.
“I guess our honeymoon had to be eventful one way or another.” Wait—someone’s missing from this scene.
“Where is Benjamin, anyway?” I look around the room again but sure enough—no Button.
My family silently looks to one another, no longer meeting my gaze.
“Will you guys stop looking at me like I just lost my home in a hurricane and tell me where my husband is? Did he get hurt too?” Amber walks to me and sits on the bed. I sit up and stare at her, watch the sorrow and the agony in her eyes.
“Aaron—what day is it to you?” I look at her like she’s crazy.
“What? Why is that— you know what, whatever. It’s May 17th, 2024.
Are you checking if I have amnesia? Because that’s my baby brother and his wife—” I point to Fe and Kayla.
“My parents—and you’re my best woman. Although I don’t know where your woman is.
” Everyone just stares at me. There’s this pain—this panic growing in my chest. I’m starting to freak out.
“Aaron—”
“We just… we were all just at my wedding…” I can’t breathe. Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong. “Where is Benjamin? Someone tell me right now.” No one speaks—no one moves.
I feel a hand pat my thigh, and look at Amber, watch the tears roll down her cheeks. My mom is staring straight at me in pure shock—in pure terror. Dad won’t even look at me. Felix and Kayla are looking at me with the same pity as Amber.
“He is my husband, and you will tell me where he is right now. Now—before I rip this IV out and find him myself!” I can hear the anger, the fear in my voice as I glare at my family.
Felix sobs—an ugly, gut-wrenching sob. Kayla wraps him up in her arms. My heartbeat is so fucking loud.
“Aaron.” I turn back to Amber. “It’s not 2024.” Everything around me seems to freeze.
“What?” We’re staring at each other in silence—neither one of us even breathes. I might never breathe again.
“It’s 2022.” Kayla offers softly from where she holds my brother as he shakes. I laugh—a startled, disbelieving laugh because what the fuck?
“Dude—what? What’s the game here? I’m in the hospital with a broken fucking arm during my honeymoon and you guys—”
“There is no honeymoon!” Amber yells, and I jump. My eyes narrow.
“What?” It’s a soft sound—scared. Oh, God. That feeling—this panic. It’s getting worse. Everything’s wrong.
“You… you never married Benjamin. It’s not 2024, it’s 2022. You’ve been in a coma for three weeks after jumping off of a bridge.”
There is no heart to beat inside of me—I hear no pulse. No blood flows and I have no lungs for me to breathe. I am but an empty shell.
“But… No. Well… if that’s true—then where…” I look around the room again, at everyone’s devastated faces. As if they’ve just witnessed a national tragedy… “Oh, no…” I shove Amber’s hand off of me.
“Little Bird—” Mom reaches for me but doesn’t come near, her voice placating. When I don’t move, she swallows harshly and takes a deep breath. “When he jumped, he fell onto a bed of rocks. He… baby—Bear didn’t make it.”
I begin to laugh and I can’t stop. I can feel the hot tears, but they aren’t mine—they’re some past version of Aaron’s. The one who lost their Benjamin. I did not. I married mine. We’re having children.
“Fuck you.” She jolts backward. No one chastises me and somehow that’s worse.
“No way. If that was true—which it’s not—then how did I make it?
I was right behind him. And how did I live two full years of my life?
Time travel?” I laugh some more. “This is stupid. Bring me someone who knows where Benjamin is. Get out.” I stare at my legs—try to hide my shaking hand.
“Lots of people dream in comas, Little Bird. And dream time is so different from reality.” My mom says softly. Tears fall onto my lap. “And… you survived with only a severe concussion and a broken arm because you…” She’s trying to speak but she’s crying. “You landed on top of his body, honey.”
Someone is screaming. It’s so loud in here—I can’t digest what she’s saying.
I need them to leave so I can think, so I can prove them wrong.
But when I try to speak, I can’t push the words out.
I’m already speaking. No—I’m screaming. It’s me.
I’m screaming and crying and shoving everyone around me who dares to get close.
“Liar! You’re wrong! I wouldn’t have… We—I saw it! I woke up from my coma, and we went and got dinner and—and—” another brutal sob. “He was alive! We were making a family! Fuck!”
“Aaron—” My mom sits on the bed, pulls me as far into her lap as her size allows. She holds my head to her shoulder—wraps an arm around me while I shake. “I’m so sorry, Aaron. I… I’m so, so sorry.”
“No, no, no! He’s not dead. Please! Please! I can’t… I can’t take this.”
I can barely hear Felix over my screams—my sobs—but he’s on the floor across the room, being held up by Kayla—not any better than me as he mourns his best friend.
“He died on impact—he didn’t suffer.” Amber offers, trying to ease the pain. I wail.
“Benjamin!”
Eventually the nurses sedate me, and when I dream, I do not return to that little villa. To the life I belong to. To my husband.
◆◆◆
As I reflect now, there are several things that should have tipped me off in my coma life.
For example—there is no way I was able to afford all of the jewelry and real estate I was buying.
Even with my parents’ help. Let alone a honeymoon to Fiji.
And how quickly everyone dropped the fact that we jumped off a fucking bridge?
Or the night terrors Benjamin kept having—the one where he was falling to his death with his parents’ dead bodies, and I would wake him up and save him every time. What was it I said?
“Until then—I’ll keep saving you before you hit the ground. Just keep yelling for me.”
Ha—right. And when I brought him to our house for the first time? Didn’t he… he told me. He warned me. But I couldn’t take it.
I wouldn’t believe it.
“I think I died on the bridge.”
“What?!”
“You don’t understand me, Aaron. I’ve been alive for 22 years and
until recently I’ve never… I’ve never been allowed this kind of happiness. Not like this. Not so much at once. So either the world is going to end, or I died and the universe is making up for all its wrongdoings by letting me play out my fantasies.”
On his twenty-second birthday…
“I was supposed to kill myself next year…… But now the thought of not being with you—even in the obliviousness of death—is so much harder to bear than any bad thing that has ever happened to me.”
I made it all up. I made up a whole two years of my life and placed my dead boyfriend in it. My dead boyfriend whose dead body saved my life. He succeeded. He followed in his parents’ footsteps—even if in the end he wanted to come down. Even if in the end he wanted to live. To be with me.
Felix’s wedding—my wedding. The happiness and the family we were all building.
Gone. Everyone is devastated—no one wants to celebrate me surviving.
Not when they buried Benjamin a few weeks ago…
I didn’t even get to attend the funeral.
I was out for three weeks. My parents are sympathetic but mostly paranoid that I’ll do something reckless.
My friends are too coddling, so I avoid them.
And Felix… He doesn’t really talk to me.
Not when he asked me to admit Benjamin and I refused. And now he’s dead.