Chapter 7
Seven
Pythor
I'd just settled in front of the TV with my dinner when my phone buzzed, and I almost dropped everything in my haste to pick it up, which was an accomplishment in itself since demons weren't exactly clumsy.
Codie: I feel like I'm ready to take the next step. Do you have any suggestions?
I grinned at the proof that we were on the same page and started typing. I didn't even have to think much about it because I'd already given it way too much thought.
Me: Well, we could try sitting outside at night? And once you feel comfortable with that, maybe you could try coming over to mine? See how you feel? If you don't feel comfortable, your safe space won't be too far away.
Codie was silent for far too long, and I wondered if I'd said something wrong. I didn't think I had, but then again, I wasn't human, and I hadn't been through whatever he'd been through.
Just when I was starting to think I might need to apologize, his reply came in.
Codie: I like that idea. I don't know why you're helping me, but thank you.
I wished I could tell him the truth, but I was worried it would scare him and ruin the progress we'd made. No one could predict how a human would react to finding out someone they knew was a demon, especially when human media seemed determined to portray demons as heartless villains.
The last thing I ever wanted was for Codie to be afraid of me.
Me: I'm helping you because I like you. I want you to succeed, to feel confident again, and I'll do everything I can to help you with that.
Codie: You like me?
I blinked, confused about the question.
Me: Uh, yes? You're a good person, and I like talking with you.
Another long, drawn-out silence. This time, I shoveled in some food instead of impatiently staring at my phone screen, and I'd almost finished my bowl of fried rice when my phone buzzed again.
Codie: I'm not ready for that yet. I don't know if I ever will be. I don't want to lead you on. I do like you as a person, but I'm afraid I can't offer you more, and I don't want to take advantage of your kindness, so I'll manage on my own. Sorry.
It took me far too long to realize how I'd fucked up, and instead of typing out a long, convoluted reply, I hit call.
"Uh, hello?" Codie answered, hesitation clear in his voice, and I winced. I'd messed up bad.
"That's not what I meant," I blurted out, then cleared my throat.
"I mean, I do like you, but I like you as a friend as well.
I'm not doing this out of any hope that you'll fall in love with me or something.
" I wouldn't be against it if he did, but I kept that to myself.
"I'm helping you because I want to. No ulterior motives, I promise. I just want you to be happy."
Codie was silent for a long moment, then exhaled loudly. "Are you sure? Because you're a good friend, and I don't want to lose you, but I also can't—I can't—"
"I promise," I said when he couldn't finish his sentence, wishing I could give him a hug. I hoped Hella gave him some good cuddles instead.
"Okay," Codie whispered, and I hummed.
"Do you wanna sit out on the porch now? I'm done with my dinner," I said, scooping up the last of my rice.
"Okay. I'll come out in a few minutes. Hella too."
"See you then."
Ending the call, I finished up my meal, then cleaned everything up with a snap of my fingers before making my way outside.
Codie lingered behind the closed door once more, but I had a feeling he was hesitating for a completely different reason tonight. I cursed myself for not thinking better before I sent that text. Humans and their subtext.
I'd never yearned for a romantic or sexual connection the way most humans—and demons—tended to, and I was sure one of the many labels humans had to describe sexuality would explain how I felt perfectly, but I'd never looked into it.
Maybe I should though, if only to tell Codie so he knew without a doubt that I hadn't befriended him with a relationship end goal in mind.
Not to say that I wouldn't enjoy being in a relationship with my fated mate, but for me, the romantic—and sexual—aspects were like pizza add-ons.
I could do without them and still enjoy my pizza—aka my friendship with Codie—just as much, while they'd just add a certain flavor to it.
The only way I'd ever want those toppings is if Codie wanted them first.
Explaining all of that to Codie might take some time, but I hoped he'd believe me once he knew, because I couldn't lose this connection we were building.
"Hey," I greeted when he sat down, and he gave me a hesitant smile as Hella raced over to me.
Since it was colder at night, he was wearing the overcoat he tended to always wear inside his home.
It covered him from neck to mid-calf, which was probably why he seemed to like it so much.
It shielded him, and considering his aversion to touch, it protected him from people's touch, even accidental ones.
It was one of the reasons I hadn't jumped into the physical side of his training.
With his aversion to touch, I had a feeling anything I tried to teach him would just send him into a panic.
I didn't know how to suggest he try getting used to being touched first, especially after our earlier mess of a conversation, so I decided to keep mum about it for now.
We played catch in silence for a while, Hella's barks the only sound other than the familiar nightly sounds of crickets, car horns, and moving traffic.
Codie was lost in thought, but he didn't seem to be scared, and that was enough.
Codie
The next morning, I woke up to a long text message from Pythor sent around three a.m., which made me wonder if he'd gotten any sleep at all.
Pythor: I didn't like where we left our conversation last night, but I couldn't find the words to explain myself.
I had this whole pizza analogy worked out, but then it became far too confusing, so I went down a research rabbit hole and finally found some answers.
I know you're worried about my intentions after I said I liked you, but I want you to understand that I didn't mean it romantically.
I like you as a person. I really like you as a person, but I have zero romantic or sexual feelings for you.
I promise. After my research, the closest label I found that I could relate to was recipromantic.
It means someone who is only attracted to someone who is attracted to them.
I've never had a romantic connection with anyone before, but I feel like if I did, it would be because they liked me first. So as long as you don't have feelings for me, we should be good.
I really, really hope you believe me, because I want to continue being your friend.
I... I wasn't awake enough to formulate a response, so I placed my phone on my bed and went to the bathroom as his words repeated over and over in my head.
He sounded so worried, and for some reason, that comforted me more than his label or all his explanations.
He really wanted to be my friend, and he didn't seem to worry about putting himself on the line to make sure he got the message across.
Once I felt a little more awake, I picked up my phone, then settled on my bed as Hella woke up from her slumber and shifted just enough to put her head in my lap before going back to sleep.
Sighing, I started typing, and it took me a lot of backspacing and retyping before I had something I was satisfied with. I clicked send, then rubbed Hella's head as I waited to see if he'd reply quickly, or if he was catching up on sleep.
Me: Thank you for telling me all of that.
I'm sorry if I forced you to share something you weren't ready to, but I do feel better knowing it.
I wish I could tell you why I'm so hesitant, but I like that you don't know about my past, that you don't look at me with pity or see me as just a victim.
Maybe I'll tell you someday, and maybe it will help you understand my fears a bit better, but for now, thank you.
Thank you for wanting to be my friend. I'm lucky to have you in my life.
My phone buzzed, making Hella give a sleepy huff, and I smiled at her as I opened the text.
Pythor: No thanks needed. And you never have to tell me anything you don't want to.
But just remember one thing: you're a survivor, Codie.
You're working each day to improve your life, to fight against the monsters of your past. You're going to heal from this, I promise, and I'll be there to support you in any way you need me to.
Fuck, I did not want to be crying first thing in the morning.
Pythor's words buried their way into my chest, digging past flesh and bone until they settled in the center of my heart.
The sudden urge to see him overwhelmed me, and I knew he would be at home, like he was every morning until he left for the center at ten.
Grabbing my overcoat, I shrugged it on over my sleep clothes, and Hella jumped onto the floor, somehow realizing I was planning to go out.
Sticking my phone and taser in my pockets, I took my keyring in hand, then took a deep breath and unlocked my door.
Stepping outside was easy, and I quickly locked up, then reached the edge of the porch and stopped. The space between our houses suddenly seemed impossibly large, but I shook off the fear trying to drag me down, and took a deep breath.
I could do this. I was a survivor, not a victim.
Hella hopped off the stairs, then glanced up at me, waiting patiently. She was such a sweet dog, and she was right. I had to take it one step at a time.
Taking another deep breath, I squeezed my keys in my hand, my other arm wrapped securely around my middle, and made my way down the stairs. Hella brushed against my side, as if praising me on a job well done, then hurried over to the base of Pythor's stairs, glancing back at me.
Keeping my eyes on her and my ears alert, I crossed the street, and she licked my hand, her tail wagging happily as she hurried up the stairs. This time, it was easier to follow her, as if my fear knew I was going closer to Pythor and didn't need it anymore.
Exhaling softly, I leaned against Hella for a moment, my legs feeling like jelly as I glanced back at my house and realized the distance hadn't been all that insurmountable after all.
Smiling to myself, I reached up and knocked on Pythor's door, excited to see the look on his face when he saw me. Then, I immediately flushed in embarrassment, feeling a little stupid for being so proud of something so small. I'd crossed a street. It wasn't that big of a deal.
The way Pythor's eyes widened when he opened the door and saw me made me feel like maybe it was.
He grinned widely, and seemed to be resisting the urge to reach out and hug me. I bit my lower lip, but after a moment of indecision, I reached forward and gave him the quickest hug ever, which just made his smile widen.
"I'm so very proud of you, Codie," he said, and warmth suffused my insides, starting from that spot in my chest where his words had started making a home for themselves.