24
KIERA
Jake must have gotten my resignation letter by now. My stomach bunches up at the thought. What did he think of it? I had to legally send a physical letter with the return address posted from my new address. It's been four days, but he hasn't shown up yet. Does he no longer care? Is he so caught up with her that he has totally forgotten about me?
What about the promises he made me when we were in Paris, while we were having dinner at the garden, or twirling away in vineyard?
The distant drilling sound is exacerbated by my nauseous stomach. I twist and turn on my bed, but do not find a comfortable position so I pad out to the living room.
Ellie is sitting at her makeshift workstation as she types away on her laptop. She looks up when she sees me come out of the room.
"Did you need anything? You could have just told me," she says, starting to get up from her chair.
I motion for her not to get up while I walk to the freezer for some chilled water. I don't know why but I'm hot all the time. That and the morning sickness are driving me nuts. And on top of that, the constant drilling sounds at the background are giving me a permanent headache.
I wince as the drill goes off again. "Isn't that annoying?" Ellie asks me, observing my face.
"So annoying," I tell her. "I swear I can still hear them at night, and even in my dreams, sometimes."
"I agree," she says. "It's so annoying, and I can imagine it's worse for you."
My stomach lets out a growl. "I need some panini sandwich."
Ellie jumps to her feet. "I'll make it for you."
"You don't have to do that," I say.
"I insist," she says, walking past me to the refrigerator as she starts to pull out all the ingredients.
I sigh. "You really don't have to do this. You've already done a lot for me by staying back in the city."
Ellie was supposed to leave with Tammy after a week, but she has requested to work remotely, and it was granted. She only needs to go down once a week to the Boston office.
"Nonsense," she says. "I'm here to take care of my best friend. And I also like the city."
I frown. "You like Boston? Since when?"
As far as I remember, she was always trying to convince me to move to Los Angeles.
"I mean, Boston has its charms."
I eye her suspiciously. "Wait a minute, Ellie Henderson, have you met someone?"
Her cheeks heat up. "It's really nothing."
"You're blushing like a tomato."
"Fine," she says. "It's this guy. I was bored, so I downloaded Hinge a few months ago. I totally forgot I even had it, but I got a match in the city, and we have been talking since then."
"And?"
"And it's nothing," she says. "I'm not hanging back in the city because I hope to meet him. I like working from home, and I get to spend all the time with my best friend."
"With your nauseous and insomniac best friend who can't stop crying every few minutes?" I say drily.
"Shut up," she says. "All I want to do is focus on you right now."
I take a deep breath. "But that's the thing, though. I've decided that I'm going to move back home."
Ellie's eyes widen. "Wait, are you serious?"
I nod as I slowly sit down on the couch, putting a protective hand on my belly. "I still haven't told my parents that I'm pregnant. They'll find out eventually, but I want to rip the Band Aid while it's still fresh. It makes sense to move back home. I'm sure it will be better for the baby, and far more peaceful than the city."
Right on cue, the drill goes off again.
Ellie marches up to the window and peeks out. "Can you guys shut up for a while please?"
I chuckle. "I don't think they can hear you."
Ellie turns to me. "So, you've really decided, then?"
"Well, we had already talked about this, and as much as I like living with you, I cannot burden you—"
Ellie shakes her head. "Stop saying that. You're not a burden. You're my best friend, and it'll be an honor to raise your kid with you."
My eyes well up with tears. She looks a little teary-eyed herself.
She hugs me. "I guess we'll have to grow up sooner than expected now that you're going to be a mother."
I nod as I hug her back. She has no idea how lucky I'm to have her. I would have totally collapsed had I had to navigate the last couple of days on my own. But I cannot make her my emotional crutch. She has her own life.
I peel back to look at her.
She smiles. "Now come, I'll help you pack. You're a terrible packer."
I nod. I know everything is going to change with this decision of mine, but I have to do this. The city is no place to give birth to a child on my own, and I cannot expect Ellie to stick it out with me for the next couple of months till delivery. Not to mention how much more difficult things will be when the baby actually comes. No, I can't do that to her.
My parents aren't exactly conservative, but I can only imagine how they're going to react when I show up at their place, pregnant. They love me too much to send me away. Of course, I don't expect them to take my complete responsibility either.
I put a protective hand on my belly. It's just going to be me and my kid for the rest of our lives.
"What are you thinking?" she says.
"Nothing," I say.
She walks to my room and starts pulling out my suitcase. "I guess you've handed in your resignation."
"Yes, I did," I say. "HR insisted that I come in, but I said I couldn't, so they sent me my termination draft and I signed it and sent it by post. I know I chickened out, but I couldn't bear facing Jake. It would be too much for me."
"Does Jake know where you are?" she says.
"I haven't told him, but the office has my current address. I legally had to inform them."
"And yet, he didn't come by to see you once..." she trails off.
"It's better this way."
"Is it, though?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't get me wrong. I think you're perfectly capable of raising this child by yourself, but it's good to have the father around. You don't need to have a cordial relationship with him, but at least you should think about your baby."
I put a hand to my forehead. "I'm too exhausted to even think about that."
"I don't mean to be pushy, and I definitely don't want to upset you. I just—"
"I know you mean well, Ellie. But I don't want him anywhere near the baby. Maybe I'll change my mind in the future but not right now. I'm not ready to see his face after his betrayal."
Ellie looks at me sadly. "I understand."
I nod, looking away, fighting a fresh wave of tears. All I've done is cry for the past few weeks. There's a hollow feeling in my chest that just refuses to go away, and the pain seems to be searing into my insides. I cannot outrun it, no matter how hard I try. But I cannot let it eclipse the well-being of my unborn baby. So, I know I need Jake to stay away. The old wounds will heal eventually.
I pick out all the dresses that I think I'll still be able to fit in as I swell.
"I'll pack away the rest of the clothes in boxes when you're gone. I’ll ship everything to you."
I look around the apartment. I don't want to say goodbye to this place right away. Just then, something occurs to me. "But just because I'm moving out doesn't mean you have to leave, as well."
"What do you mean?"
"You like working at the Boston office, right?" I say.
She nods. "Yeah, my colleagues here are much friendlier."
"And you've got this date..." I trail off.
"Hardly," she says, frowning a little. "But what are you saying?"
"You can stay in this apartment while I'm gone. The lease doesn't expire for another two years. They won't refund me if I back out right now, and I think this apartment is a steal deal. I don't want to get rid of it right away."
"But I won't be staying here for free," Ellie says.
"I can sub-let it to you," I tell her. "Problem solved. You just need to make the decision."
Ellie bites her lip. "Are you sure?"
"Positive. I want you to stay here while I'm gone."
Her mouth slowly curves up. "I think it would be great."
I smile as I hug her. "I think so too."
***
The next day, I say goodbye to Ellie, pack my stuff into a car and set off for my hometown. It’s a six-hour ride, and Ellie insisted that she come drop me home, but she had an important presentation. And I really needed the time alone.
I know I’m not really saying goodbye to Boston, but the city has all my heart. It gave me some of the most important milestones of my life, and I’ll always be grateful for the opportunities.
The sun is almost setting by the time I pull up to my parents’ driveway. My stomach is knotted with nerves. I didn’t tell them that I’m coming home, so it’s going to be a surprise for them.
Mom comes out of the door, peeking down the driveway curiously.
As soon as she sees my car, her eyes light up.
I look up at my childhood home. It’s a one-storied matchbox that my parents built on their own.
I slowly step out of the car. I’m not showing yet, so my parents won’t know right away.
Dad comes out right after Mom. “Kie?” he says. “What’s up?”
“Why didn’t you tell us that you were coming?” Mom says. She’s the first one to reach me. “We would have picked you up from the airport.”
“I drove here,” I tell her.
She frowns. “Why? I know you’re always penny pinching when it comes to your comfort, but really, Kiera, you have such a good job.”
“What your Mom means to say is—” Dad interrupts. “We’re both proud of where you are at your career.”
I cannot rein in my emotions in. I run straight into his arms, sobbing.
Dad catches me in his arms. “What’s wrong, kid?”
“Dad, Mom,” I say, looking up through my tear-streaked eyes. Looking at their hopeful, proud faces I realize just how much I’ve messed up. “There’s something I need to tell you.”