6. Seth
Six
Seth
I knock on her door and wait until she opens it. My jaw drops when I see her.
Grace’s dress is in a dark red fitted velvet dress. The long sleeves bring more attention to her legs as the length of the dress stops at her knees. The black lace around her cleavage makes it hard to control the urge to push her back inside the apartment and take her dress off.
I gulp the lust down and smile. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” She holds onto my arm and we make our way to my car.
The Valentine’s company dinner is at one of the fanciest restaurant in Maxwell and one of my company’s client. With over 40 years in town, Amour et Vin is a French restaurant that’s been the staple fine dining and the standard for other restaurants to follow.
The decoration is on the minimal side. Every table had a centerpiece with red roses, and the bigger tables had red runners to contrast with the white tablecloths. The biggest thing that screamed Valentines is the small photo booth at one corner of the restaurant.
The backdrop was white with heart shape balloons tape to it. Beside it a table full of love related props. The music plays softly through their speakers. Every so often, I could recognize the song.
Siting at our shared table were Everett and his boyfriend Austin drinking wine.
“Austin,” Grace excitedly says, opening her arms when Austin turns her way.
“Grace, it is so good to see you. I’m so relief I’m sharing the table with you and Seth,” Austin says, hugging Grace tight. “You look gorgeous. I’m surprise Seth didn’t pull you into his apartment after canceling his appearance.”
“He has been behaving surprisingly well after he met my mom.”
I pull one of the two empty chairs back and wait until Grace sits. She notices quickly and thanks me after sitting down.
“He met the parents?”
Grace shakes her head and explains to Austin what happened back in mid-January. Our company’s dinner is a week before Valentine’s day. So for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to control my feelings. Grace and I are still sexually active with each other, but I’m avoiding staying over two nights in a row. Since pretending to be her boyfriend in front of her mom, keeping my feelings for her in place has been hard.
There’s been plenty of moments where I look at her and I want to lay my heart open for her. I immediately feel the terror of being rejected and losing her friendship. At that point, I get dressed and head to my apartment. I take a few days to wrangle with my feelings until I can go back to indulge myself with her body before my feelings threaten to overflow.
“Hey dude, are you okay? You seem a little tense,” Everett asks.
“I’m okay. I just hate wearing a vest under my suit jacket,” I lie.
I know Everett can tell I’m lying, but he decides not to push it and I’m thankful.
Grace and Austin carry most of the evening talk. I’m not surprised because they haven’t seen each other in weeks. I don’t know who could be more kindred spirit with Grace than Austin. I believe when Everett says Austin is his soulmate and during the darkest moments in the night; I believe that’s what Grace is to me. I also can’t deny the connection she and Austin have, like they knew each other from another life.
I rest my face on my palm and stare at them interacting. I watch how Grace’s face lights up when something in the conversation excites her. I engrave in my memory the smile lines around her eyes and the melodic sound of her laugh. I watch every emotion color her beautiful face. Her conversation with Austin catches all of her attention because she never notice when the wine glass got filled or when they started bring out the food.
Part of me feels left out. I want to have her look at me like I’m the only person worth paying attention to, but I’m also enjoying this rare occasion where I can look at her, really look at her, and take her all in.
“If you keep looking at her that way, you might as well confess,” Everett whispers.
I nod. “I’m gonna greet the restaurant manager and thank them for their service. I should be back before they run out of topics,” I say, pointing at Grace and Austin. Everett nods focusing on the food left on his plate.
I talk with the manager for around ten minutes and then walk around most of the tables, greeting our employees and their partners or guest for the night. Some of my team members pull me into take photos at the photo booth. While they wait for all the photos to print out, Rachel stands beside me.
“I’m surprise we actually meet your girlfriend,” Rachel says.
“She is not,” I reply.
“You sound sad about.”
“Do I? No one ever said anything. I guess I’ve been in my feelings more than normal.”
“Does she know you like her more than a friend?”
“No. She is too important to lose over these feelings.”
“What if she feels the same and you are missing at a great opportunity?” This reminds me why Rachel is the head of our Human Resources. She doesn’t shy away from digging at a situation, but she does it with tact.
“I don’t know, and I’m not sure I want to risk what we have to know.”
“This is the first time I’ve seen you so afraid to take a leap towards anything.”
“The price of losing her friendship is too high.”
“I don’t know. Your fear sounds very selfish.”
“How so?”
“Because you are only thinking about what you might lose and have never mentioned what you might rob her. If she feels the same, you are taking the chance she has to be in a loving relationship. If she is not, then you are robbing her agency to decide what to do with your friendship, knowing how you feel.”
“Yeah, I think I would like to choose for myself instead of you choosing for me.” Grace’s voice startles me.
We step outside the restaurant’s private courtyard. No one is using it because tonight is an unusually cold and windy February night. The fairy lights and some of the restaurant’s Valentine decoration are on keeping the dreamy vibe. I pull Grace to a corner to cover her from most of the wind. I avoid standing in front of her so she doesn’t feel like I’m caging her. There is enough space for her to leave if she needs to.
“When were you going to tell me?”
“About my feelings for you? Pretty much never. I’m not your friend so I could eventually be something more. I genuinely want your friendship. I can deal with my own feelings.”
“What if I’ve reciprocated your feelings?” Grace asks.
“None of our interactions for years said you could be interested in me more than a friend.”
“I sleep with you.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest.
“I’m still not gonna assume you are because you feel something more than physical attraction. I don’t want to gamble our friendship just to check.”
“You don’t think our friendship would overcome a conversation where one of us has feelings for the other and it’s not reciprocated?”
“No. Don’t get me wrong. I think we would still be friends, but it would be different. If I was to confess and you couldn’t reciprocate, I know I’ll need time to work through my feelings alone. The time and distance will change our friendship. You have expressed plenty of time how manipulative it feels to be in a friend with benefits situation with someone who has feelings for you.”
“Is that why you agreed?”
“No, but it was why I was so reluctant. I’ve been in love with you for what feels like forever, but is more like a year or two into our friendship.”
She runs her hands through her hair. The way her hair lay again over her shoulders makes her even more breath-taking. I reach out to grab her hands but stop myself. I can’t help but second guessed everything between us. I stop myself from touching her in ways that used to be like second nature.
My hands hover over her shoulder. “Hey, I knew what I was agreeing to. If you want us to go back to just being friends, I’m gonna agree. Eventually, we both know this agreement has an end date. I just don’t want you to shoulder something that you have no control over it.”
Grace sighs before grabbing the lapel of my jacket. “I hate and love how fucking considerate you are.” She pulls me towards her and catches my lips in between hers.
I sigh as I take over the kiss and wrap my arms around her. We slowly pull from each other, but she stays in my embrace.
“I’ve been harboring feelings for you too, Seth. I guess we are more similar than we thought. Though I was ignoring and denying mine while you were trying not to be obvious so I wouldn’t feel pressured or manipulated.”
“Wait, you feel the same?” I ask, I had to.
“Yes. I could tell my mom any excuse why you were at my apartment. Claiming you as my boyfriend, even if it was a lie, was me wishing it true. Lowkey, I was gauging your reaction.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “I’m gonna ask because I have to. Grace Stewart, do you want to be my girlfriend, for real this time?”
Grace gives me the brightest, most beautiful smile. “Yes.”
I lean down to kiss her for a few minutes before we make our way inside and I excuse us for the evening.