7. Ally
Chapter 7
Ally
The same day, Wednesday, October 15
“You’re my person”
I leave school after my last class for the day. Like clockwork, Dan is leaning against the gate, waiting for me. Only this time, he has a bouquet of red roses in his hands. He catches sight of me and presses off the gate, approaching with an apology in his eyes.
We haven’t spoken since last night when he came home drunk and with a girl. He normally walks me to school, but I left before he woke this morning. I didn’t know what to say to Dan, that I hated how he brought a girl home? I did, and he knows it. But regardless of the closeness we’ve developed, it’s unreasonable to expect he doesn’t sleep with other girls. I’m not his girlfriend. Our parents will be married within a few months, for God’s sake.
The girl isn’t the main issue.
I pass through the school gates without saying a word to Dan. “Ally,” he calls, his footsteps speeding up to catch me.
I walk faster, weaving through the after-school crowd of girls exiting the campus. Dan keeps calling my name, his voice growing closer. When I’m free from the herd of students, my speed increases, but it doesn’t take long for Dan to match my stride.
“I’m sorry about last night, Ally. I asked the girl to leave immediately.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry.” I keep walking. “I got my feelings hurt by caring too much about you. You told me to give you space on your birthday. I should have listened.”
“That doesn’t excuse me being a dick. I should have replied to your message. Ally, I love the cards you bought me.” Dan steps in front of me, blocking my path and bringing us face to face. Finally, I’m forced to stop and look up at him, at the sincerity in his eyes and the bouquet he holds out for me. “I’m sorry about the girl,” he repeats himself in a gentle tone. “I’m sorry about everything. You have to forgive me because you’re my person and I don’t know what I’ll do if you stay angry at me.”
My heart skips a beat. “Your person?”
“My favorite person. My…” He groans and speaks in a softer, more intimate tone. “This thing between us… It’s so complicated. I wish you were my girlfr?—”
“Don’t say the word.” My blood vibrates with heat over Dan’s confession. Hearing that word almost leave his mouth. The thought of being Dan’s girlfriend… that he wants me to be his girlfriend… It’s wrong yet so goddamn tempting that it hurts. “We both know that can’t happen.”
My gosh, I can’t even bring myself to say girlfriend out loud, not when referring to me and Dan. Whenever we touch or hug or do anything intimate, it’s never verbally acknowledged between us. If we don’t acknowledge it, somehow, the behavior feels more acceptable.
I often wonder what would happen if I did push for us to be together. The reality of us together would be awkward and socially unacceptable. Even if others did accept us, what if we broke up? That would be more awkward, being forced to see each other all the time. Plus, I’d lose the only real friend I have.
On top of all those issues, there’s the ramifications our relationship would have in the public eye. It wouldn’t be a good image for Forever Families, scandalous even, when our family is the face of a charity in support of helping families.
“I know it can’t happen,” he says.
“Which is why you should continue seeing that girl from last night.” The words are a struggle to get out, hating the thought of Dan having sex with girls. But I mean what I say. If he’s out there sleeping around, it makes this easier for me, knowing he’s not mine. “You should date other girls too. Or just sleep with them. Whatever it is you do?—”
“Ally.” My name on his lips is a gentle hush. “I’m sorry. There are things I wish I could say to you. I would say them if our parents weren’t…” He cuts himself off. His gaze bores through me with such sincerity.
I sigh, knowing I can’t stay mad at him, not when he looks at me like this and talks in such a way. Our situation is complicated, as he said, and neither of us know how to handle these feelings.
“You don’t have to say any of those things. I think I understand.” The tension releases from my shoulders and I accept the bouquet with a soft smile. “You’re my person too. You’re the first person to have ever bought me flowers. I love them. Thank you.”
“You’re the only girl I’ve ever bought them for.” He grins, and I’m melting over how tender his eyes are upon me. Dan digs a hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone. “I’d like to show you something.”
He taps a few times on the screen then turns it in my direction, displaying an old photograph of a pregnant woman with three young boys at her side. I recognize Dan’s eyes in her instantly, and my chest warms. Tears prick in my eyes, not because I’m sad for Dan but because he’s sharing something so guarded with me and how special it feels for him to let me in like this.
“This is your mother? Dan, she’s beautiful.”
“I feel a lot of guilt over her death and what it’s done to my family. I don’t want to shut you out, though. I know a lot of girls, Ally. You’re the only one that matters to me.”
I smile, blinking away the tears. “Thank you for showing me the photo. It means a lot to me.”
In the back of my mind, a warning signal goes off, that I’m getting in too deep with my feelings for Dan. I should stop sleeping in his bed but I know I won’t. And the flower gesture, though an apology, feels romantic and inappropriate, like what a guy would buy for his girlfriend.
Perhaps the roses sum up our dynamics perfectly because there’s nothing appropriate about the way Dan called me his person.
He drapes an arm over my shoulders and we walk side by side all the way home from school. There’s nothing appropriate about that either. But just like every other time I hear that warning signal, I push it away, because being Dan’s person is intoxicating and addictive.