18. Dan
Chapter 18
Dan
Five days later, Thursday, June 7
Queen of Hearts
Felix owns an apartment on the Upper East Side and I’ve been crashing at his place for the last five days while Ally stays with her uncle. There’s always a party taking place here. Felix has people over every night. There’s constant drinking and drugs. Music is always playing. People sleep on the floor. They fuck in the bedrooms. I’ve even seen them fuck outside the bedrooms, not caring about privacy. It’s chaotic, but I can’t stay at home, not when everything about the place reminds me of Ally.
She hasn’t spoken to me in five days.
She said she wants space to clear her head. I’m respecting her wishes, but these have become the most painful five days of my life, waiting for her to reach out to me.
I can’t help but think I ruined everything with that one kiss. We had a dynamic and I changed it. But I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her. Ally looked so damn happy receiving the scholarship acceptance letter. It might be the happiest I’ve ever seen her. I lost control and kissed her. A kiss I’ve waited four fucking years to have.
She grinded against me, so desperate to feel my dick between her legs. Ally would have let me fuck her right then and there, regardless that we weren’t home alone. How quickly it all turned to shit. I’ve never seen anyone pack their bags so fast, all to put distance between us. She couldn’t even look at me.
“Bro, what the hell is with you tonight?” Felix speaks over the music, taking a seat beside me on the couch in his living room. He has a Jack Daniel’s in one hand. With the other, he pulls a blond in a bikini onto his lap. “A better question would be what is with you every night? You’re not drinking or getting any pussy. You’re miserable every day.”
“Nothing is wrong. I’m just not in the mood.” I’d been out on the balcony with everyone a moment ago, the only one fully dressed and not sitting in the hot tub, but had enough when two people started having sex in the water.
“Girl problems?”
“No. It’s nothing.”
“She not into you or something?” Felix pushes. “Got a boyfriend?”
“It’s not about a girl. Dad is pissing me off more than normal.”
“Ah, makes sense now, why you’re acting so lovesick over our father.” He laughs. The girl takes his hand, guiding him to his bedroom. He calls back to me, “Seriously, have a drink. Fuck some pussy. Problem solved.”
There was a time when that solution would have worked. Now, I can’t bear the thought of being with anyone other than Ally.
Being at Felix’s place with the many girls that approach me is only making everything worse. I grab my keys and leave the apartment, getting into my car and driving around the city to clear my head. But the only clarity the drive gives me is that I need Ally by my side. She’s scared, but we can talk through her fears. We can keep what we have private and make this work between us. No one has found out about our feelings this far.
I drive to Ally’s uncle’s building—the hotel Ally used to live in before our parents got married—deciding I’m going to confess everything to her. I’ll tell her how much she means to me, that I adore her, fucking love her, and that I don’t care if we’re wrong together on paper.
When I enter the lobby, I call Ally’s phone, not surprised when she doesn’t answer. I approach the front desk, seeking out the receptionist. “I need to get a message to the penthouse. My… A family member is visiting?—”
“The residents of the penthouse are out of town on business,” a male receptionist tells me. “They left this morning.”
“Did they mention whether their niece was staying behind?”
“Ah, Ally. No, she departed this morning, too.”
I return to my car, driving home with the hopes of finding Ally there. The night is late. She wouldn’t be anywhere else.
It’s not long before I step through the front door, finding Dad alone on the couch, watching a news station.
“You’re home,” he says as I walk by him for my bedroom. “How was your time with Felix?”
“Fine. Not really in the mood for chitchat. I need to talk to Ally about something.”
“Ally?” The confusion in his voice is enough to stop me in my tracks. “Ally and Amabella left today.”
“Left? Where did they go?”
He scrunches his nose with even more confusion. “Paris. I thought you knew this.”
Paris?
My heart sinks and I have this awful feeling in my stomach. I can’t be hearing my father right. How could Ally be in Paris already when the scholarship doesn’t start for another few months? Why is Amabella with her?
Ally hasn’t said goodbye to me. She hasn’t said anything at all.
My throat closes up. I work hard to swallow down the disbelief and sickness rising in me. “Oh, right. I did know. I got my dates mixed up. I haven’t been sober for the last five days. You know what it’s like when I get together with Felix.”
My father scowls. His judgment is the last thing I care about right now.
“You should call Ally,” he says, flicking through the TV channels. “I’m worried about her. She came home from Daxton’s with this frantic urge to get to Paris immediately. Amabella insisted she travel with Ally for the first week to help get her settled into her new home. I would have gone too but there are work meetings I can’t get out of.” He starts talking about Forever Families. I don’t hear a word of it. Nothing registers except when he says, “Ally said she left something for you on your bed.”
My heart races, needing to find whatever Ally left me. There has to be some explanation for her behavior. Some misunderstanding that’s about to be cleared up. She wouldn’t leave me like this. There’ll be a plane ticket with my name on it waiting on my bed.
She wouldn’t just leave.
I excuse myself and enter my room. And there it is, an envelope on my bed. I rip the paper open, searching for that plane ticket. A handwritten letter waits for me instead.
Dan,
This thing between us has grown out of control. When I received the scholarship acceptance letter, I realized something that scares me.
I’m in love with you, Dan.
I love you so much it hurts. Having you in my life is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But I can’t be in love with you. Our relationship is wrong in every sense and sooner or later someone will discover us. I can’t bear to think of what others would say. My mother and Josh would be disgusted. If this leaked to the public, it’s not only our lives that would be impacted. The family reputation would be destroyed. Forever Families would never recover.
I’ve had a lot of time to think during the past few days, and I’ve come to the realization that I will never stop loving you if we continue the way we are. I’m accepting the scholarship in Paris as a chance to start fresh, where I can try to move on with my life.
I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. You deserve a proper goodbye in person, but I knew I could never make myself go through with this plan if I saw you again. I knew you wouldn’t let me go, because I think maybe you love me too. You need to let go of me, Dan. We both need to move on from each other.
Please, don’t follow me to Paris, and please don’t contact me at all. When I return, I promise I’ll return as your friend and sister and nothing more.
Please don’t hate me for doing this. And please, destroy this letter as soon as you’ve read it. No one can ever know about us.
Ally,
xxoo
My chest is in agony as I read the letter. My lungs constrict and I can barely breathe. Her reasoning is understandable, and yet I’m angry. So fucking angry at Ally for leaving like this after everything we’ve been through and all that I’ve done for her. The worst part is I never got the chance to tell Ally how much I love her.
I’m about to scrunch the envelope but realize something else is inside it. I pull it out, finding the Queen of Hearts card I gave Ally. Words are written across the black card in white ink. Ally’s handwriting. You’ll always be my person.
The words burn my eyes. My chest aches like nothing I’ve ever felt before. She said she’d never let go of this card.
Fucking liar.
I love her. Yet I hate her for being a coward and running away. How could she do this to me. To us . I kick my bed frame, swearing and clawing both hands through my hair.
My phone beeps with a text message. I check it, foolish for hoping it’s from Ally.
Felix
Bro, you left the party. Get back here. Booze and pussy makes everything better. Promise.
Fuck. I need a distraction from how much this hurts.
I place Ally’s letter and the Queen of Hearts in my bedside drawer and stand from my bed, leaving my room and heading straight back to Felix’s apartment where I can drink and meet a new girl who helps me forget all about the one who has ripped my heart straight from my chest.
TO BE CONTINUED