4. Harper
CHAPTER FOUR
HARPER
“Princess, get out of my bed and fucking hug me.”
My eyes blink open to the sound of Tyler’s voice and I’m instantly smiling despite being dazed from the abrupt wakeup call.
I’ve spent an entire summer without my best friend while vacationing in Italy with my parents for Mom’s art exhibition.
I rushed to the Blackwood penthouse as soon as ballet practice finished, hoping Tyler would be home from his first day of senior year.
The housekeeper let me in, being the only person here.
My jetlag must be strong because I have no memory of falling asleep in Tyler’s bed.
I sit up, gulping down shock when I see Tyler standing in the doorway and the growth spurt he’s had. I was only gone three months. How could he have changed so much? He’s still my Tyler. But he’s also… a man now, tall and broad and far more gorgeous than the last time we saw each other.
Tyler loosens the tie of his school uniform, ruffles a hand through his dark hair, and drops his bag to the ground.
He’s grinning, waiting for me to jump on him with a hug.
A hug is how I’d normally greet him, but a shyness creeps over me that I’ve never felt toward Tyler.
My cheeks are hot, and my mouth is dry. Something flutters deep in my belly, making me squirm.
After several long seconds of me blinking at Tyler like I’m an idiot, his lips quirk and he laughs. “Harp, you all good?”
“Yes. You just… look different.”
It dawns on me that I’m in Tyler’s bed. I’ve been in his bed many times as a friend. Now, seeing how grown up he is… it feels inappropriate.
I step onto the floor and adjust my outfit, brushing out my skirt and pulling the top of my leotard higher to conceal my breasts.
Shit. I’m not wearing a bra. Can he see my nipples? Before I can pull my hair forward to hide my chest, Tyler’s arms are around my waist, lifting me off the ground.
I yelp at our closeness, tingling at every point of contact between our bodies. I’m overly aware of how firm and warm his chest feels. Of how good he smells.
Tyler laughs again, placing me back on my feet. “What the fuck is up with you?”
That goddamn laugh. The sound of it travels straight to my thighs, making my muscles clench in a way that sends a spark of pleasure through me.
“Sorry. Must be the jetlag.” My arms feel awkward at my sides, like I’ve forgotten how to use them.
He looks me over, seeing me in my pink ballet wear. “You just stepped off a plane and have already been to ballet class? I don’t know why I’m surprised.”
My final year at the academy just started.
Out of all the ballerinas, I’ve landed the principal role in our end of year performance of Swan Lake .
It’s the best thing to have ever happened to me.
The most esteemed ballet companies will be in attendance at the performance.
The principal ballerina is almost always offered a position with them.
I can’t afford to take one day off from training.
“So, Italy. Tell me about it.” Tyler sits against the headboard of his bed and pulls me onto the mattress with him, draping my legs across his lap as he starts massaging my calves.
It’s a habit he formed years ago when I started dancing in pointe shoes, to soothe my muscle cramps.
Today, for some reason, I like the feel of his hands on me more than I should.
I’m noticing things about him that I shouldn’t, like the way his forearms flex as he works my muscles.
His jaw is sharper and his shoulders are wider.
What would this new body of his look like without a shirt on? What would his lips taste like? What sounds would he make during sex?
The tingling returns low, between my thighs. I should not be thinking about Tyler in this way.
Tyler asked me on a date once when we were sixteen.
That was back when I wasn’t allowed to date.
I turned him down because I didn’t want to go behind my parents’ back.
I also explained that I won’t have time for boys until I’m at least twenty-five and well-established in my ballet career. I can’t afford distractions.
I still stand true to those words, but right now with Tyler, it’s the first time I’ve felt tempted to break my own rules.
I’ve always envisioned he would be the man I marry. Back when we were sixteen, I made him promise me we’ll get married one day, but that for now we’re only friends. I’ve always loved him in some form; I just can’t allow myself to be in love with him any time soon.
But that doesn’t stop thoughts of us having sex from creeping into my mind right this second.
Truthfully, I think about sex a lot. Far more than I should.
I was curious once and searched for porn on my phone late at night in the secrecy of my bedroom. I felt dirty and disgusting because… I liked it. Even dirtier when my hand slid beneath my panties.
I never watched porn again, ashamed of myself and how incredible it made my orgasm that night.
“Harper?” Tyler prompts. I’m blushing over how smug the sound of his voice is. Oh god, does he know that I’m visualizing the two of us having sex? “I asked about Italy.”
“Amazing food, incredible landscapes and architecture. Lots of dance classes. Time spent in the sun only to burn instead of tan—you know, the constant curse of being a ginger. Mom’s art exhibition was a massive success.
” My words rush out in a panic. I’m rambling.
I never ramble. “What did you get up to without me?”
“Boring shit. Hanging with Felix.”
I raise an eyebrow, my focus shifting from sex to the lie I’m sure Tyler is feeding me. I may disapprove of the guy Felix has turned into, but boring is the last word anyone would use to describe their time with him.
“Were you doing weed with Felix?” I ask, hearing frustration seep into my voice.
“Harp, what the fuck? You know I’m not into that shit.”
Felix is nineteen and was supposed to graduate high school last year. He should be in college, trying to make something of his life. Instead, his father is forcing him to repeat senior year since he ditched school every day last year to sell drugs, drink, and have sex with who knows how many girls.
Tyler says the only reason Felix is obeying their father’s word and repeating senior year is because the trust fund he was set to receive at eighteen has been withheld due to poor life decisions.
Felix and his father made a deal that if he completes high school this year, he’ll receive the trust fund when he turns twenty-one.
Tyler, on the other hand, is smart and respectable and applies himself academically.
He’s just received the first installment of his trust fund and is keeping it untouched till later in life.
He has a goal to get into an Ivy league college to complete a business degree.
He’ll follow in his father’s footsteps, being a big name in hotel development.
“So, how was your first day of school?” I ask, hoping Tyler is being honest about his time with Felix, but wondering if there’s something he’s hiding from me about his summer.
“We got some dumbass assignment to complete. I have to write a letter to myself, listing all the goals I hope to achieve by the end of senior year. We’re supposed to hand the letter in by next week, then it’s returned to us at the end of the school year to see if we achieved our goals.”
“Awww. How cute.”
Tyler pinches my leg as punishment for teasing him. I laugh, pushing him away. Even still, he doesn’t release me from his hold and continues massaging my calves.
“What do you think you’ll write in your letter?” I ask, trying to distract myself from how much I’m enjoying his touch.
“I don’t know. I’ll probably make up a bunch of shit.”
“What do you think Felix will write about?”
“Felix, writing a letter? Yeah, right. He’ll pay someone to do the assignment for him. I didn’t see him at school today. He was off with—I shouldn’t say.”
More secrets. A sting of jealousy. Tyler and I always tell each other everything. I’ve been gone for one summer, and now things are suddenly different? I don’t like it one bit and this is all Felix’s fault.
I pull my legs free from Tyler’s hands. “He was off with his friends doing drugs—is that what you were going to say?”
He shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “Not exactly. It’s a version of the truth. Harp, I can’t tell you.”
“You said you weren’t getting involved.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You’re keeping secrets from me when you’ve never kept secrets before.
I know you two are close, but he frustrates me.
You’re too good to get caught up in that shit.
What is he doing with his life? He’s been made to repeat his senior year because he ditched school so much.
He’s off to a great start, ditching his first day.
Is he going to be stuck repeating his senior year forever?
And the people he hangs around. I don’t like them at all.
Honestly, they scare me. He scares me?—”
I cut myself off, feeling guilty for talking so poorly about Felix to Tyler. Without a mother, and a father who is never around, I know how bonded all the Blackwood brothers are to each other, Tyler and Felix especially, and I don’t want to take that bond away from Tyler.
“I’m sorry,” I say, meaning it. “I shouldn’t have said all those things about Felix. Especially the part about him scaring me. It would give him so much pleasure to know I’m frightened of him.”
Scratch that. I don’t think Felix would care at all. I mean nothing to him. I don’t know why his disinterest hurts so much when I’ve had years to adjust to this new dynamic of ours.
My silence is heavy. Tyler takes my hands in his. It’s moments like these that I wish Tyler wasn’t so in tune with my feelings.
“Harp, I hate this rift between you two. I’ll talk to him for you?—”
“No, that is the last thing I want you to do.”
“He’s still the same guy you were friends with.”