4. Harper #2
“He’s not. The Felix I used to know—” Cared about me . I don’t speak the words. They’re painful and I don’t want to make myself more vulnerable to Felix than I already am. “Does he… ever talk about me? Actually, don’t answer that.”
Tyler’s answer will hurt, whatever it is. There’s a lump in my throat like I want to cry. I’m getting sucked into Felix’s bullshit again.
I push the tears down and smile. “Hey, I need to freshen up after ballet. I’ll be right back.”
“Harp—”
“Get started on your dear diary assignment. I want to know what your big goals are for this year.”
“You make jokes when you’re upset to hide your emotions. You’re doing it now.”
“I’m fine.” I pull my hands away from Tyler’s and exit his room, heading down the hall for the bathroom to splash my face with water.
Once I’m in the solitude of the bathroom, I take a moment to breathe and center myself. Tears threaten to fall down my cheeks, but I refuse to cry over Felix.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out, seeing an incoming call from Mom.
After hitting speakerphone, I place my phone on the sink and splash water on my face. “Hi, Mom. Everything all good?”
“Honey, how was your first day back—” She pauses, her voice taking a concerned turn. “Harper, are you at the Blackwoods’?”
I look down at the phone, panicked to see we’re on video chat. My parents have been clear with me that I’m never to visit the Blackwood residence.
“Um… yes. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be here, but you don’t have anything to worry about. Tyler is the only one home. I didn’t want to wait till the weekend to see him.”
She’s not the kind of woman to raise her voice and instead frowns. I hate that I’ve disappointed her. “I thought you were meeting up with Paul this afternoon?”
Paul Ferguson. My parents try to be subtle, but they’re fixated on the idea of me dating this guy.
They’re always raving about how smart he is, with plans to attend MIT next year to study computer science.
Not only do they love that he comes from a respectable family with similar values to ours, but he’s the son of my father’s boss on Wall Street.
In other words, they think it would be amazing if I marry this guy.
Paul and I are friendly. I’ve met him a handful of times at our parents’ work functions, but I have no interest in dating him.
“I rescheduled with Paul for later in the week,” I tell Mom. “I wanted to see Tyler first.”
Her lips press into a worried line. “Make sure you don’t cancel on him again. It’s rude. Come straight home please.”
I nod, telling her I’ll be home in fifteen minutes. It won’t take long to walk, seeing as the Blackwoods live near us on the Upper East Side.
Mom eases into a smile, which lessens the guilt within me. “Bring Tyler with you. I’d love to see him. I’m cooking dinner. I can add an extra place setting for him.”
“Okay. I love you. I’m sorry about canceling on Paul. And I’m sorry I came here against your wishes. I shouldn’t have.”
“Thank you, honey. You’re a good girl. I love you too. See you soon.”
We end the call and I make my way back to Tyler’s bedroom. As I pass Josh’s office, the sound of a thud stops me in my tracks.
Tyler’s father is rarely home, and when he is, he’s never home this early.
Perhaps Josh made an exception today. I should keep to my own business, but none of his sons have a positive relationship with him, and it would be just like Dan and Killian to go behind his back, snooping around in places they’re not allowed.
I step up to the door, about to turn the handle but find the door already ajar. There’s movement within the office. I can hear the sound of papers being ruffled. I open the door wider, ready to tell Dan and Killian off. Instead, I’m shocked and hot with embarrassment at the display in front of me.
It’s Felix and some naked girl. He’s dressed in his uniform but has her splayed out on his father’s desk. The girl has the same shade of red hair as me, which stings hard. She’s tiny like me too and?—
My god. He’s thrusting into her. My chest burns at the realization.
I’ve walked in on Felix having sex.
I want to run away and erase this moment from my mind. Yet I can’t move. I can’t tear my eyes off the sight of my childhood friend having sex. The exchange between them is so raw. The sounds he makes… They’re so deep and urgent .
There’s nothing romantic about what Felix is doing to this girl. The sight of them is animalistic and vile, and yet I can’t look away, embarrassed to admit how fascinated I am by the girl’s pleasure. She appears both in pain and euphoric.
The few orgasms I’ve given myself have felt good but nowhere near as intense as what this girl must be experiencing. I’m fascinated by his pleasure, even though I hate that the redhead is the one giving it to him.
What’s more embarrassing is this sudden violent urge running through my veins, consuming my body.
I thought I’d squashed this deranged side of me years ago.
I’m terrified to realize it’s been lying dormant and has now risen to the surface, making me feel…
murderous toward this girl for touching what’s mine.
It becomes abundantly clear in this moment. I don’t care how much Felix and I hate each other.
He. Is. Mine .
“Felix, I’m about to come,” she moans.
A dagger-style letter opener lies on an end table next to me. My hand clutches around the handle, fantasizing about stabbing the girl. I want to stab him too.
He keeps thrusting into her, his mouth never leaving her breasts. I watch, seething with jealousy, the girl’s eyes rolling back in her head as she meets her orgasm with a tortured moan.
Felix flips the girl onto her stomach and I get a glimpse of his dick right before he shoves it in her from behind. The girl is laying spent and breathless as Felix’s inked hands grab her ass and he watches where he fucks her.
The tattoos are a new addition. Every time I see Felix, there’s something different about him that feels like a betrayal because this isn’t how things were supposed to end up between us. I’m supposed to know him as intimately as I know Tyler.
The ink extends up his forearms, disappearing beneath the sleeves that are rolled to his elbows. I’ve never been fond of tattoos, but I find myself wanting to pull back the uniform and study them, discovering how much of his body they cover.
His hair always used to be messy. There was something boyish about the style. Now, he wears it slicked back. It makes him look older. Colder. He looks… criminal, like a gangster from the 1920s. His hair is so pale that he looks unnatural and otherworldly.
The girl moans, shifting my attention back to her. Is this Felix’s girlfriend or are they only sleeping together? Whoever she is, he shouldn’t be so rough with her. His thrusts are fast and brutal. It’s repulsive.
What’s more repulsive is that I have this sudden urge for him to do all those things to me. I want him to be as obsessed with me as I am with him.
I hate that I feel this way.
I’m disgusted that my panties are wet.
I’m aching between my thighs and throbbing with heat, the way it feels when I’m in need of an orgasm. Except this ache is more powerful than anything I’ve ever felt.
“Felix, who is that?” The girl gasps, noticing me, and scrambles up from the desk to cover herself.
I’m frozen in place, glaring at this girl as my palm tightens around the dagger, filled with the most hatred I’ve ever experienced in my life.
Felix tucks himself away in a leisurely pace, showing no sign of embarrassment. His eyes have me pinned. He doesn’t say anything, just rakes his gaze over me in a manner that makes me feel as though I’m as naked as the girl he just fucked.
I’m about to combust from how embarrassed I am over being caught watching them. I step back to make an escape but bump into the wall.
The girl scurries out of sight behind him. “Felix, who is that?”
“She’s no one.” Those three words. He loves referring to me that way. Even in this moment they hurt. “You’ve been standing there the whole time? Mommy and Daddy have a right to know their precious little girl got off on watching me having sex, don’t you think?”
I open my mouth to defend myself, to tell him not to speak a word of this to my parents and that I most certainly did not get off on watching him. But he brings up a valid question I can’t figure out for myself.
Why am I still standing here?
I should have run off the second I walked in on Felix with his dick in this girl. But I stayed. I watched the whole thing. I’m soaked and aching, in need of an orgasm after this display, and that’s sick.
“It’s a shame you interrupted us before I finished,” Felix says. “I’m sure you would have loved the sight of me coming.”
His words detonate something savage in me, amplifying the jealousy, rage, and humiliation I already feel. All of it twists into one violent, reckless urge. Before I register what I’m doing, my arm snaps back and I hurl the dagger at Felix, wanting to hurt him the way he’s hurt me.
The second the blade is in the air, I know I’ve fucked up and let my darkest urges control me.
My aim is terrible and the dagger misses Felix but sinks into the girl’s arm with a sickening thud .
She screams, jerking backward. Blood is already trickling down her arm.
I clap a hand to my mouth, horrified by myself. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
I just?—
I lost control.
Meanwhile, Felix doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t check on the girl or ask what the hell is wrong with me.
He just stares at me, not with anger or shock, but fascination.
Then he fucking smirks, like my meltdown is the best thing that’s ever happened to him.
I should help the girl, but I’m speechless over my behavior. All I can do is turn on my heels and run for the elevator, needing to escape the Blackwood penthouse instantly.