14. Harper #2
I nod, feeling horrible for kissing Felix after the fight Tyler and I had. Tyler is the one I should be kissing. He’s the one I see my future with.
But Tyler was right during our argument when he said I’ve been moping around after Felix.
I’ve had an obsession with both brothers my entire life.
The only way I can ever give all my attention to Tyler is if I move beyond this infatuation for Felix.
The only way I know how to do that is by indulging in Felix until he’s out of my system.
It won’t take long. We’re too different and he treats me terribly.
Felix and I lock eyes from opposite sides of the car, both of us breathing hard from the intensity of our kisses.
Guilt over Tyler lingers in my mind. But he won’t answer any of my calls. He says he’s done waiting for me. While I hope that’s not true, in this moment, he doesn’t want me. I’m not his. I’ve lost him and I don’t know if or when I’ll ever get him back.
Making my mind up, I decide to take what I want, and push the guilt aside.
I lean forward, enjoying the way Felix visibly gulps and never takes his eyes off me as I climb across the front console and straddle his lap. His hands land on my legs, sliding up beneath my dress and cupping my ass. He pulls me closer, and I gasp when feeling his erection against my clit.
I don’t know where I’m getting this confidence from. Every touch of his feels like a sin. Yet it feels so good.
“I know we shouldn’t do this but… I don’t want to stop. I’ve…” I quiver, feeling vulnerable for what I’m about to say, but all my walls are crumbling down. If I’m only going to be with Felix like this once, I’m not holding back. “I’ve missed you.”
He closes his eyes in pain and groans. “ Don’t say that. You’re making it impossible for me to do the right thing here.”
“When do you ever care about the right thing?”
“I care about my brother.”
“You didn’t seem to care about him when you were pressed between my legs outside the pool house. I wonder…” I lean closer, not recognizing the boldness within me as I rock against his dick, whispering in his ear, “How far can I take this before you push me away?”
Felix’s eyes snap open, his gaze harsh. “You are the devil in sheep’s clothing.”
I take his left hand and turn it palm up, skimming my finger along his scar, surprised when he doesn’t pull away. A memory returns to me of how, at such a young age, I enjoyed drawing his blood with a shard of glass because it meant we’d have a matching mark forever.
I place that hand on my thigh, shivering with nerves and arousal as I slide it up between my legs. “Are you going to pull your hand away? What happens in this car can remain our little secret.”
With both hands, Felix grabs my hips and presses me onto his erection.
I cry out at the jolt of pleasure that spreads through me.
I’m fucked up for enjoying this when Felix has been harassing me.
Maybe I’m romanticizing this moment, projecting the Felix from my past, the one I love, onto the Felix beneath me.
They’re not the same person. He doesn’t care for me anymore.
But I push away those thoughts, letting myself get lost in this moment with him, because he’s holding me so tight, like I belong to him and he’s needed this for as long as I have.
Maybe there is still part of my Felix within him.
I cling to his body, kissing him deeply while grinding against his cock. How is this real? I have no clue if I’m even doing it right.
“Fuck, Harper.” He says my name yet again, this time with affection, and I think it might be my favorite thing in the world, hearing Felix call me by my name.
I’m unraveling for this man. I can’t be having these feelings. He’s not a good person. The worst person.
I kiss him again, pushing aside thoughts of reason.
He strokes a line up my panties, and I gasp at the heat that rushes through me.
I’ve worked hard over the years to not be tempted by sex.
To not even fool around. Why is there suddenly no fight in me when Felix touches me?
Somehow, this man has made all my morals fly out the window.
“Touch me, please,” I beg.
He pulls my panties aside and strokes his thumb across my clit.
A whimper of pleasure escapes me, and then I’m crying out as Felix’s fingers plunge inside, stretching me open for the first time ever.
Not once have I touched myself like this.
I’m clinging to him, bucking my hips against his hand in desperation as the most intense feelings run through me.
“I hate you,” I whisper as a reminder to myself.
“You sure about that? Tell me your deepest secret. Your deepest fantasy. Otherwise, I’ll stop touching you. ”
I keep riding him, chasing the high he’s giving me, no longer caring if I’m inexperienced and doing this wrong.
Felix pulls the top of my dress down and sucks my nipple deep into his mouth, making me gasp at the added pleasure.
I didn’t know anyone could make me feel this good and I never want him to stop.
“I’m glad I made that girl bleed from the dagger I threw. I wish I’d done worse to her. I wish I’d made you bleed too. You’re mine, Felix. You belong to me.”
Shit. I can’t believe I admitted how unstable I am. More than that, I can’t believe I revealed how much Felix still means to me.
I’m left feeling embarrassed for a second at most before Felix’s lips crush against mine, praising me for everything I’ve just said. “You perfect, psycho freak. I want to fuck you so badly, Harper. Would you like that? You’d slide onto my cock so easily right now.”
I nod desperately, needing to give all of myself to him. I’ve been so set on waiting for marriage. But this feels too good to stop. How did I ever believe I could wait for marriage?
“Say it out loud—that you want to be fucked by me,” Felix hisses. “Say my name, Harper. Admit you want to be fucked by the man you hate.”
“I want to be fucked by Felix Blackwood.”
“Good. Now say every sick and twisted thought of yours out loud or I’ll stop fingering you.”
“I want you to fuck me like… those people at the party.” My brows pinch with embarrassment. I can’t believe I just said that.
Deep down, you’re still the freaky little girl from my childhood.
Felix was right when he spoke those words. I’ve tried to bury that side of me, but he’s brought it right to the surface. Felix is the only one who truly sees what I am, and he’s praising me for it. He always has.
“What they did at that party was disgusting yet… I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I…”
He laughs, smug. “You what?”
“I touched myself over it last night. It was the strongest orgasm I’ve ever had. Except… the people in my fantasy were you, me, and…”
“Tyler?”
I nod, moaning as his fingers plunge into me and his thumb works my clit, pushing me closer to my climax.
“That’s my good girl. I knew you were secretly a slut, but wanting to get fucked by me and Tyler at the same time is completely unexpected. Beg me to make you come.”
“Please, Felix.”
“Fuck, when you say my name. Say it again.”
“Felix.”
He kisses me harder but the two of us are interrupted by the distant sound of my father calling out to Felix.
Panic shoots through me. We both pull apart and glance in the direction of the house.
My fears are made worse when I see not only my father but Tyler standing by the front door.
We’re parked away from the house, but with the compromising position I’m in, it feels like there’s no space between the four of us.
“What is Tyler doing here?” I ask, scared he’ll catch me like this. “Can they see us?”
“No one can see in. The tint on these windows isn’t legal. And I don’t know what my brother is doing here.” Felix keeps thrusting into me, making me whimper with pleasure I shouldn’t enjoy. “You’re not leaving this car until you come on my fingers.”
“We need to stop.”
“But you like this, don’t you, being your daddy’s sweet little girl yet with my fingers deep inside you. He would be outraged to know what his daughter is letting me do to her right now. Admit it, it turns you on.”
I nod, appalled with myself for how true his words are. “Tyler…”
“Don’t worry. I can share.” Felix grabs my jaw with his free hand, forcing my attention away from the house and back to him.
“Our session in this car is about to be cut short. But we’re not through with each other.
You say I belong to you. Make use of your possessions, Harper.
You’ll come to my room later tonight once everyone is asleep and learn how to ride my dick, understand?
You were made to fuck me. You’re going to start and finish every day with my cum leaking out of you. ”
His words push me over the edge, imagining the two of us having sex, his cum inside me, and I pant his name over and over as my orgasm hits, blurring my vision.
I don’t want to wait for marriage. I can’t. I need him. I need Tyler.
Fuck, I’ve gotten myself into one hell of a mess I don’t know how to navigate.
Tyler calls out Felix’s name again. I come harder at the thought of Tyler watching me with his brother and enjoying the sight. Something is seriously wrong with me.
“That’s it. Fuck, Harper.” The way Felix grits the words, the way he looks at me, it’s with pure obsession, and I love it.
He’s so consumed with the sight of me coming that I don’t think he even realizes his free hand seeks mine out, linking our fingers, locking our scars together like we used to as kids.
My orgasm is so intense that by the time it’s over I need to rest my forehead against Felix’s for support. I’m left breathless and shaking all over.
When I catch my breath and lean back, his gaze roams over me and there’s a moment of softness within his eyes as he whispers, “I could watch you forever.”
“Felix?” Tyler calls again, the protection of the car muffling his voice.
Panicked and shocked back to reality, I climb off Felix at lightning speed, fixing my dress and checking in the overhead mirror that it’s not obvious Felix just gave me an orgasm.
“You’re sure you don’t know why Tyler is here?” I ask, guilty as ever, because all I’ve wanted is to mend things between me and Tyler. What if that’s why he’s here, to fix us, and I’ve been riding Felix’s hand?
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
I climb out of the car and try to act normal as I walk toward the front door of the house. Felix follows, not saying a word to me and keeping his distance.
“Dad, is everything all right?” I ask, arriving at the front steps. “Felix picked me up from ballet. Did Mom tell you?”
I smile at Tyler, trying to signal that I know things are tense between us, but that I’m happy to see him.
“Harper…” Tyler doesn’t smile back. Perhaps he’s still angry with me. His eyes are gentle, though. Sorrowful.
Something is wrong. Why is he here? Why are the two of them standing on the front porch, waiting for us?
“Honey…” Dad’s voice breaks. His lips tremble. Now that I take a closer look, his eyes are bloodshot, as though he’s been crying. I’ve never seen him like this before. “I tried to call you. Your mother has been in a car accident. She…”
Dread instantly claims me. “What happened? Is she okay? ”
Dad shakes his head. The little composure he had crumples, and tears fall down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, honey. She’s… gone.”
Gone .
The word haunts me. It doesn’t make sense. My heart is pounding. There’s a deafening ringing in my ears. I can’t breathe. My father says something else, but I don’t hear it. Nothing around me registers. How can Mom be gone when I saw her a few hours ago?
She’s always here. She’s always with me. She always loves me, even when I’m mad with her.
Gone .
My knees buckle and I collapse. Someone catches me from behind. They hold me tight, hugging me, then scoop me into their arms and carry me somewhere. I don’t know who it is. I don’t care. Nothing registers except the one word that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Gone .