24. Felix
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
FELIX
Her cheeks are flushed from the orgasm I gave her. She looks up at me with a dazed smile, spent and breathless in the dark library. So fucking perfect. I rest a forearm on the bookshelf above her head, my free hand stroking her cheek.
She’s asking me how I feel about her.
I weave our fingers, pressing our scars together. “I’m not the gentle, romantic kind who talks about his feelings. I like to show how I feel. Actions are stronger than words.”
Harper raises an unimpressed brow. “You treated me terribly for years.”
“I was angry. Have the last few weeks not shown you how much I care? I’ll spend all my time from here on making it up to you.”
She frowns, which is the last thing I expect from her. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
The dazed moment between us instantly feels tense.
Harper retrieves her hand from mine. Her voice is frail.
“I’m scared to let you in any closer. There’s a lot we haven’t spoken about.
I haven’t wanted to talk about it because I know it will be a difficult conversation.
Maybe it will mean the end of whatever this is between us. ”
I take her hand in mine again, needing to have her close. “Harper, whatever you’re about to say, it won’t be the end of us. I won’t let it happen.”
“You say that but I don’t know. The reason we fell apart is because you got involved with a bad crowd.
You’re with me now but it feels like you’re not truly mine.
There’s something inside here—” She places her hand on my heart.
“Something inside you that feels out of my reach. You’re a free spirit.
You don’t live by the rules the rest of us do.
You have a tattoo that says I’d rather be lucky than good , as a reminder to live a wild life.
You’re like a mirage, Felix. Too good to be true.
I feel like you could slip from my hands so easily and I’ll lose you all over again. ”
I scoop her up and wrap her thighs around my waist, then lower myself to the ground, resting my back against a bookshelf. “Harper, you’re not going to lose me.”
“I am. I know I will.” Her voice is so sad, it hurts to hear.
“How?”
“It’s a feeling. An instinct. Maybe because I’ve lost my mom and I’m afraid to lose more people.
Maybe because I’ve lost you before. I’m afraid you’ll get bored of me one day and leave.
Or that you’ll get in trouble with the law and be taken from me.
Were you really at school today? Be honest with me. ”
I let out a heavy breath, unable to lie to her. “No. I wasn’t at school. Theo and I were organizing a deal. The two of us sell eclipse.”
There’s no judgment in Harper’s eyes, just sadness.
“Deep down, I assumed as much. I didn’t want to face the truth.
I’m not judging your choices anymore. This is about needing stability in my life.
I need people I can depend on. If we continue as we are, if we have sex, I know I’ll fall irreversibly in love with you.
I know I’ll be broken beyond repair when I lose you.
Because I will lose you, Felix. You won’t be invincible forever.
Something will take you from me, whether it be the law or some drug lord.
Maybe it seems like I’m being too dramatic, but I can’t do this with you, Felix.
I think…” She gulps and takes a steadying breath.
“Whatever this is between us needs to end right now.”
I look into Harper’s eyes, seeing how serious she is about this decision, and it hurts.
My largest eclipse deal is going down in a week’s time. I met up with Theo this afternoon to discuss the details. The buyer is some tech entrepreneur, has an upcoming party and wants twenty thousand dollars worth of eclipse for the event.
Word of the new drug is spreading. It’s becoming more in demand and I can foresee the future it will bring me. The speakeasy empire I’ve always wanted with Tyler. The reality is on the brink of my fingertips. It’s so close, I can feel it. The wealth could make my trust fund irrelevant.
And yet I’m filled with guilt, knowing if it becomes a reality, Clara will have died in vain. I’ve felt guilty over this eclipse deal all afternoon.
Now, hearing Harper talk like this, telling me we’re over…
Fuck. I can’t let it happen. The speakeasy, eclipse, they’ve been recent goals of mine. But Harper has been the one thing I’ve wanted my entire life.
Tears form in Harper’s eyes. “I should go.”
She’s halfway to her feet before I grab her hips and pull her back down to me, claiming her lips with mine. “I’m not letting you go anywhere, Harper. I’ll quit.”
She peers up at me with shock. “What? ”
I kiss her again, harder and faster, stopping only to meet her gaze so she can see how serious I am about these next words.
“I’ll give up everything that could get me in trouble with the law so you don’t ever have to be afraid of losing me.
I promise you: I’m never leaving you and nothing is taking me away from you.
You own me, Harper Winslow. Call me your boyfriend.
I’ve never been anyone’s boyfriend but I want the title if it means I’m yours. ”
She smiles in disbelief. “You’re my boyfriend? What on earth am I getting myself into? You are going to break my heart one day, Felix Blackwood.”
There’s a lightheartedness to her voice, but I can see in her eyes that some part of her believes those words. I shake my head. “Impossible. I won’t ever hurt you. Tell me you trust me.”
“I… I want to.”
“I’ll work for your trust. I’ll prove it to you. Everything is going to work out.”
It will work out for the three of us. I’m still trying to teach Harper to shed her embarrassment and take what she wants. One thing is for sure—my Little Sinner is going to have two boyfriends. She’s going to be adored and treated like royalty.
Between my brother and I, Harper is going to get fucked senseless.