7. Ally
CHAPTER SEVEN
ALLY
I have a date tonight. The first real date I’ve been asked on and my nerves are out of control. One minute, I was hiding in a toilet stall, reading Ben’s message that we should get dinner the following Friday night. The next, my entire week has flown by in the blink of an eye.
I’ve finished my first official teaching week at Sacred Heart. It was also another week of no piano practice and disjointed sleep, of me waking at five a.m. each morning to go jogging with Killian, and awkward chit-chat with Violet each time we crossed paths in the staff room despite wanting to befriend her and have a real conversation.
I spoke to Dan every night on the phone but didn’t mention anything about this date, not wanting to make things weird between us. He asked to see me this weekend. I would have invited him to the beach house if it weren’t for this date, and instead gave him some excuse about being busy with work.
Now, here I am, standing in front of my bedroom mirror while fidgeting with the belt buckle on my dress and readjusting my headband for the tenth time in five minutes, wanting to look perfect for Ben.
I left work at a reasonable hour today so I had time to freshen up. Being Friday, it wasn’t such a big deal. Ben said he’d pick me up tonight at six and we’d get dinner at Ocean Breeze Grill.
I check the time on my phone. Ten past six. His lateness doesn’t help my nerves, but I try to maintain positive energy. Ben could be a guy I really like. Maybe I’ll like him so much that I get over Dan. Ten minutes isn’t terrible. He may be stuck in traffic.
I grab my purse and head downstairs, out to the front porch to wait for Ben. On the way, Mom catches sight of me from the living room where she sits curled up on the couch with Josh, watching a movie.
“You look nice, honey. You’re going out?” she asks.
“Oh, yeah. I made a friend at work. We’re having dinner.” I haven’t mentioned the date to either of them, knowing they’d make a fuss and ask me a million questions. They’d probably want to meet Ben and insist he come inside for a chat. “I’m not sure what time I’ll be back. Don’t wait up for me, okay?”
They both wish me a great night. I head out the front door and sit on the porch swing with my legs jittering as I wait for Ben’s arrival.
Another ten minutes pass, and then another. There’s a pain in my jaw from how hard my teeth are grinding. My skin is prickling with an unpleasant heat. I don’t want to think the worst of Ben, but past traumas resurface, and even after all these years I can’t help but think back to my fourteen-year-old self and Jackson Phillips who kissed me as a joke, or the girls who invited me to the mall and ran off while I was in the changing room .
I gulp down my fear, telling myself Ben doesn’t have any motivation to hurt me. Maybe he’s lost or stuck at the property gates, unable to access the driveway.
Trying to be mature about this, I dial Ben’s number.
A feminine voice answers. “Hello?”
“Ah, hi. Is this Ben’s phone?”
“Yes. I’ll get him for you.”
There’s a muffled sound of someone passing the phone, then Ben speaks into the receiver. “Hello?”
“Ben, hi, it’s Ally.”
“Ally? Oh… shit.” Silence lingers from his end of the phone and I know this can’t be anything good. “Ally, I’m so sorry. I forgot all about tonight.”
The prickling in my skin amplifies, stinging deep, so deep that I feel it in the core of my stomach. “Um, that’s… okay.”
I don’t know why I tell Ben the situation is okay. Nothing about the way I’m feeling is okay, but I’m so desperate for people to like me that I’m willing to give him another chance, as pathetic as that sounds.
“No, really, I am sorry. The thing is…” He sighs, then curses under his breath. “Look, I’m back with my ex. It happened a couple of days ago. Tonight slipped my mind.”
I’m surprised I don’t burst into tears. Ben’s reason is perhaps worse than being tricked like I have been in the past. What he’s saying is I’m so unmemorable he forgot all about me.
Of course he forgot about me. It makes sense. I’m the quiet girl no one notices. This is my life.
Instead of those tears I expected, the emotions implode into numbness. A dark void inside me.
“I understand,” I tell Ben. “I’m… pleased for you.”
“Ah… thanks? ”
I hang up the phone and stare into the distance, rocking slowly on the porch swing and hating myself.