10. Ally
CHAPTER TEN
ALLY
Warmth encompasses me. My eyes slowly blink open to the morning light, and I realize someone’s arm is around my waist. There’s a wall of muscle pressed to my back. Hot breath caresses the nape of my neck.
My heart rate picks up and I’m instantly wide awake, aware of every inch of Dan’s body that touches mine and loving it. Memories flood back to me of how I used to sleep in his bed most nights with the two of us in this exact position. I was fifteen the first time it happened. Though I wouldn’t have wanted Mom and Josh to find us like that, those nights were innocent, the two of us just hugging. As we grew older, Dan’s hand would slide beneath my shirt and cup my breasts. His fingers would brush against my nipples. I’d go to sleep every night with wet panties. He never shied away from letting me feel his erection pressed to my back. As I gained confidence, I even grinded my ass against his dick and loved whenever I heard him groan.
I remain still in Dan’s arms, wanting this moment to linger and not wake him. Being wrapped in his embrace is the only thing in this world that feels right, and after being stood up two nights ago, I’ll cling to anything that makes me feel good.
A moment later, I remind myself how wrong it is to give in to my feelings for Dan, and gently attempt to remove myself from his arms.
His grip tightens around my waist, pulling me closer. My stomach flutters with excitement.
“Uh… Dan?” I whisper.
He stirs slightly. Without seeing his face, I pinpoint the exact moment he wakes and realizes the intimate position we’re in. Dan’s muscles stiffen and he releases me.
“Shit, sorry.” He sits up against the headboard, rubbing both hands over his face and through his hair to wake up. “How are you feeling?”
“Oh, you know, amazing after my date forgot I exist.”
The left corner of his mouth slants upward as he looks me over, his gaze warming my cheeks.
I sit up beside Dan. “What’s that look for?”
“Your voice is back to normal.”
“What was wrong with my voice?”
“Last night you sounded so… defeated. You had me worried.”
I shrug because he’s right, being forgotten about was defeating. And humiliating.
But I have a new sense of direction this morning.
After I went to bed, I spent the whole night tossing and turning while reflecting on my situation and found clarity. My life started going downhill when I was a young girl and lived in a toxic household with my mom and her ex. Everything always seems to link back to that one period of my life—my lack of confidence, my difficulties meeting new people and socializing, the panic attacks, the inability to audition .
But I’m tired of blaming everything on Mom’s ex. The abuse happened. It fucked me up, but I need to move on with my life. I can’t keep sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I want a boyfriend and proper friends who aren’t family. I want to have sex, to let loose for once and not have the pressure of always being on my best behavior. I want to step out of my comfort zone and experience life instead of being the good little daughter of Amabella and Josh Blackwood. None of these things are going to happen unless I start making drastic changes to myself.
What I want most in this world is Dan, but those desires are messed up and maybe I only want him because I’ve never been around other guys much.
I climb out of bed and brush my fingers through my hair. “Hey, would you like to take a walk on the beach with me? There’s something I’d like to discuss with you.”
“So, I’ve been thinking about my dating situation,” I say as the tide washes over my feet. The early morning sea breeze rustles my hair and sand squishes between my toes with each step I take along the shore. Dan and I slipped out the back of the house before our parents knew we were awake.
“You know, you could have told me you had a date. It didn’t need to be a secret.” I can feel Dan’s eyes on me as he speaks those words. His tone is gentle. He’s been treading carefully around me since arriving at the beach house last night, like he thinks I’m about to break, when in fact, determination is all that runs through my veins right now.
“I thought me going on a date might be weird for you to hear. Definitely not as weird as what I’m about to tell you. But I’ve gotten to the stage of desperation and I’m not sure what else to do.”
“Okay,” he says with caution. “I’m listening.”
I take a deep breath, nervous, but force myself to speak the plan out loud. “I’m going to hire a… teacher.”
His brow furrows with suspicion. “What kind of teacher?”
“Someone who can help me fix… you know, my issues.”
Dan stops short, staring at me with confusion. “As in a therapist?”
I continue walking along the beach, trying to keep the conversation light. “No. A guy to teach me about men and dating and how to be confident so I can meet people. Have friends, a boyfriend, and be normal.”
“Ally, you are normal. And what the fuck? You’re not hiring some random guy to teach you about dating.”
Rolling my eyes, I turn around to face him. “You’re always wearing rose-colored glasses around me. It’s not normal to have no friends or that the only guy I’ve ever been interested in is my—” I stop mid-sentence, agitated with myself.
“Stepbrother?”
My lips part with embarrassment. He’s challenging me but I stand my ground. “Yes. And I hate it.”
“Believe me, I don’t need any reminding.” Dan gives an irritated laugh, the wind whipping through his dark hair.
I brush off his comment, getting back on topic. “I need help. Otherwise, I’m going to remain lonely and untouched for life.”
“I don’t like this.”
“Well, then, it’s a good thing I don’t need your approval. ”
A frustrated sound comes from deep within his throat. “So, why are you telling me any of this?”
“Because my plan needs to be discreet. I can’t risk the public finding out that I’m hiring someone to teach me about men and… dating.”
“Sex—that’s what you really want to say, isn’t it?”
I sigh, both humiliated and annoyed. “Do you have to be so blunt?”
“Yes. I need to understand exactly what you’re trying to achieve with this ridiculous idea. Do you plan to sleep with this guy?”
“Of course not. I would never pay someone for sex.” My hair flaps with a gust of wind and I brush it back from my face. “As I was saying, this needs to be a secret. Reporters would probably twist the story and make it look like I’m hiring an escort. I’m asking you for help—to speak to Felix on my behalf since he owns an illegal venue and is the king of keeping its existence hidden. Without mentioning my name to him, of course. I thought maybe he’d have the means of hooking me up with someone appropriate and who he can trust will keep this private.”
Dan glares at me. “I’m not speaking to Felix for you. None of this is happening.”
“Fine. I’ll go to Felix myself. I was only hoping to avoid embarrassment by having you as the middleman.” I leave his side, picking up my pace along the shore.
Dan’s footsteps pound in the sand as he runs after me, until he steps in front of me, blocking my path. He’s so close that I almost bump into his chest and need to take a step back to look at his face.
“Felix is the last person you should be involving in this,” Dan says, his tone scolding. “The crowd he hangs around with have less than questionable morals. I wouldn’t trust any of them around you. How do I know the guy would be honorable? That he wouldn’t take advantage of you? Knowing Felix, especially if you don’t want your name mentioned to him, you probably would end up with an escort.”
“Well, so be it. If the escort is discreet, I’ll take my chances. That’s how dire my situation is.”
A tormented look sits in Dan’s eyes, like he’s running through a list of things to say that will change my mind. Finally, he rakes both hands through his hair and groans. “Don’t do this. If you’re so adamant about needing a boyfriend, I’ll… Fuck, I’ll find a guy to set you up with.”
“I don’t want to be set up. I want the skills to meet men myself. And besides, that would be strange if you found me a boyfriend, considering our past. If you want to help, just talk to Felix for me. Otherwise, I’m heading to the city today to meet with him.”
I step around Dan and continue walking along the beach.
“Fuck, Ally,” he calls after me. “ I will help you, okay? I’ll teach you whatever shit you think you need to learn. No one else is getting involved in this.”
I pivot on my heels, my face burning up when I see how serious he is. “There’s no way. That would be awkward for both of us.”
Dan’s voice lowers into something almost pained as he steps up to me, looking me directly in the eyes. “You returned from Paris as my friend and sister, right?”
Oh, gosh. My throat tightens. He’s quoting the letter I wrote him. “I… Yes.”
“Then there’s no awkwardness.” His gaze upon me is so intense, so penetrative, that it makes me blush and shift my gaze to the ocean. “There’s no guarantee Felix could keep all of this from the public once someone else gets involved, and I know how precious you are about maintaining a good reputation for yourself and the family. Do this with me instead, the safe way.”
Despite not liking his words, he makes a solid case. Dan would be a safer option as far as publicity is concerned, for sure, and I do trust him.
He says this won’t be weird between us. I don’t know if that’s true, but some part of me thinks accepting Dan’s offer could be good for both of us if he plays an active role in helping me move on with another guy, solidifying the past as the past.
Dan grips my jaw. My body quivers from how much I like his touch. He guides my face back from the ocean to look at him. “Promise me you’ll leave Felix out of this.”
I huff out a breath. “Fine. I won’t hire anyone. You can help me instead.”