12. Ally
CHAPTER TWELVE
ALLY
Sunday night dinner, I eat all my food plus dessert because Dan thinks I’m too thin. There was no judgment in his voice when commenting on my weight. Instead, concern and protectiveness. Even something possessive. I shouldn’t have liked it so much. Nor should I have felt so sad when he left late afternoon and returned to the city.
After dinner, I’m lying in bed, sorting through my work emails and preparing for the upcoming teaching week, when a No Caller ID rings me.
“Hello, Ally speaking.”
“Hey, Ally,” a guy says. “This is Liam Wilson. Your brother gave me your phone number. I hope it’s okay that I’m calling you.”
I sit up in an instant. Dan gave Liam my number? When was that ever part of the plan? Panic rushes through me. I’m not ready for this conversation. What do I say to him?
A moment later, I manage to talk myself down from the ledge, telling myself I can handle a phone conversation with this guy. After my Friday night date forgot I exist, being pushed out of my comfort zone is exactly what I decided I need. Just act cool. Dan said I’m supposed to think of Liam as a friend, not a date.
“Hey, Liam. Thanks for calling.” Ugh, thanks for calling ? Way too formal. Before I realize it, I’m pacing in circles on my bedroom floor. What happened to my little pep talk from a moment ago? I force my pacing to stop and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself and focus on the friend analogy. “Yeah, Dan mentioned you. I didn’t realize he’d already given you my number.”
“It was actually Felix who gave me your number.”
Felix? I thought he wasn’t supposed to get involved in any of this.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Liam continues. “I asked Dan for your number but never heard back from him. So, I asked another Blackwood brother.”
“I, um… no, that’s fine. How do you know Felix?”
“My brother is friends with him. My band also plays at The Scarlet Mirage on occasion.”
There’s a moment of silence between us, broken by Liam’s laughter. It’s a friendly laugh, handsome in nature. Not as deep as Dan’s voice but still charming. I think back to the photo I saw of Liam, of him with short, blond hair and dark skin, and imagine what he would look like laughing. In the photo, he was wearing a fedora, along with a white suit and a bow tie. He looked like a jazz musician from the 1920s, which really isn’t my type. But maybe he only dresses like that when performing.
I groan internally, reminding myself Liam isn’t supposed to be my type. Honestly, I’m going to have a hard time finding anyone who is my type unless they’re a replica of Dan. Maybe I’ll form an attraction to Liam if we become friends .
“I’m totally freaking you out right now by calling, aren’t I?” Liam says, the laugh lingering in his voice.
“No. Of course not. I’m still processing the Felix part.”
“I should have waited for Dan to give me your number, but at the risk of coming on too strong, I got impatient and wanted to talk to you now. Felix sent a photo of you, and I have to tell you how beautiful you are. Then he started talking you up. Said you’re a talented classical pianist.”
“Oh, um, thank you.” My pulse is racing. How am I meant to relax and think of Liam as a potential friend when it doesn’t sound like he has friendship in mind at all? “You’re not coming on too strong. I’m probably the one who looks like a creep needing my brothers to introduce me to guys.” I cringe as soon as I speak the words, wondering if it was a weird thing to say.
He laughs. “No complaints here. You sound great and I’m just excited to talk to you because I don’t know many female musicians.”
“That’s so nice. Um…” My brain draws a blank, not knowing how to carry the conversation. I cough to prolong my thinking time, then tell myself to imagine this conversation is taking place with someone I’m comfortable around. Think of him like Dan. “Sorry, I had a tickle in my throat. Dan told me you’re into jazz. What instrument do you play?”
“The double bass. My band is based in the city, but we play all around the place in jazz clubs.”
“Wow, that must be really fun.” The pounding in my chest eases as the Dan pretense continues. I’m talking to my best friend , a little voice plays on repeat in my head. I return to my bed, lie back, and gaze at the ceiling. “I must admit, I don’t know a thing about jazz except that it all sounds like clutter to me. ”
“Don’t most people say that about classical music too?” he teases.
“Yeah, people with no taste.”
We both laugh at the joke. And jeez, are we… flirting?
“Seriously, though, I appreciate the skill required to play jazz,” I tell him. “I can’t wrap my head around how it works. I don’t know the first thing about improvisation.”
“Improv is what I do best. But I have mad respect for classical musicians. Do you perform anywhere?”
And that’s how the rest of the night progresses, with back-and-forth questions, discussions about music, our families, jobs, and interests we have. By some miracle, I don’t have any more awkward moments where I blurt out something stupid or can’t think of anything to say. The conversation flows because I imagine I’m… talking to Dan.
That could be a bit of a problem. I try to not let it faze me.
For the first time, I have hope that maybe I can grow a connection with Liam and stop being in love with a guy I can never have.
I cancel my morning jog with Killian due to the late hour I stayed up till last night on the phone with Liam. And now, as I sit at my dressing table, brushing my hair for work, a text message arrives from Liam, making me smile.
Until I read the actual words.
Liam
Good morning. I had fun talking to you last night. Do you want to meet up in person? I’d like to take you on a date Saturday night, if you’re interested .
I chew on my bottom lip, both nervous and excited, beyond pleased that Liam enjoyed our conversation enough to want to date me. A date isn’t part of the plan, though. At least, not yet anyway. And I had in my head that Dan would be with me during my first meeting with Liam as moral support. I didn’t need Dan’s help during the phone call last night, but a phone call is different to a face-to-face meeting.
I call Dan for advice on how to respond to the text, my knees jittering as I wait for him to answer. The line rings out, which doesn’t surprise me at this hour. Dan isn’t a morning person, always staying out late playing poker or drinking with Felix or whatever it is he gets up to when I’m not around. He’s probably fast asleep. I’m on my own with this situation, needing to figure out for myself how to reply to Liam’s message.
I type a draft response to Liam in my notes app, trying to find the right wording to explain that I only want us to meet up as friends and with Dan to join us. Nothing I write sounds flattering. The inclusion of Dan’s name even comes across as weird. Liam will get the impression that I’m trying to let him down easily and don’t want to ever go on a date with him.
After ten minutes of attempting to construct the perfect message, an idea comes to me. It’s the only solution I can think of that will lessen the pressure of a date and make our first meeting feel like more of a social outing.
Ally
Sure. Would you like to go on a double date?
Liam
Sounds fun. Let’s do it .
Our messages are replaced with an incoming call from Dan. I answer him immediately. “Did you know Felix gave Liam my number? Liam called me last night and?—”
“Shit.” Dan clears his throat, his voice deeper than usual, like he’s just woken up. He swears again, the word low and spoken to himself, sounding furious. “How did the phone call go?”
“It went surprisingly well. I tried to forget about Liam being a potential date. But this morning he texted, asking to take me on a date Saturday night.”
“No.” The word is firm. “Tell him a date is moving too fast and you want to know him as a friend first.”
“Okay, but here’s the thing. You weren’t answering your phone, so I already replied. I didn’t know how to get out of the date without sounding disinterested in him. So… I thought of the next best thing. We’re going on a double date.”
Dan takes a moment to register my words, and when he speaks again, he’s just as pissed off as when he first answered the phone. “We? As in, you want me to bring a date too?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Fuck, Ally. I don’t date.”
“Surely there’s someone you can bring.”
He groans. “I wish you would have waited to respond so we could discuss a better solution. This is not at all how I envisioned this would go.”
“I couldn’t just leave Liam’s message on ‘read.’ And this isn’t what I envisioned either, but I think I did pretty good coming up with this plan. What would you have done differently?”
“Left him on read and spoken to me first.” Another groan. “Shit. Now I have to find a date.”
“Oh, yeah, like you’ll have a real problem with that. Okay, I need to get to work. Call me tonight.”
“Not happening. Sorry. I’ll be too busy trying to find a date I have no interest in.”
“Dan,” I laugh. “I thought nightly phone calls are our thing. Are you stopping our thing?”
“Don’t be all cute. You’re in my bad books right now.”
Dan hangs up and a rush of heat spreads through my chest, my clit, at how he called me cute and scolded me. My hips grind against the chair, seeking out pleasure. Jesus, what is wrong with me? I just agreed to go on a date with another guy. I’m trying to move on from Dan.
I force myself to continue getting dressed for work, fixing my hair and applying a little makeup. This date should hopefully be a success. I’m pleased with how I took charge, pushing myself out of my comfort zone while still molding the circumstances of the night into something that will create the least amount of anxiety for me.
No one-on-one situations. It will be me, Liam, Dan, and… Dan’s date.
I let out a breath of annoyance. I’ve never liked seeing him with other girls. Maybe I didn’t think this plan through properly.
My pen taps against my work diary with speed as I try to psych myself up. I survived a phone conversation with Liam; how hard can it be to talk to Violet?
I stare at her back, the two of us sitting at our desks on opposite sides of the staffroom. It’s five p.m. Monday afternoon and we’re the only ones in here, finishing up work for the day .
Tap. Tap. Tap.
There’s got to be something I can say to Violet that will help bridge the gap and help us become friends.
“I have a date this weekend,” I say into the silence of the staffroom, hoping she won’t think this topic is inappropriate at work.
My pen taps faster at her lack of response. My teeth grind. Did I not speak loud enough?
Violet glances over her shoulder, peering around the staffroom. “Are you talking to me?”
“Yeah.”
She swivels around on her chair to face me and smiles. “That’s exciting. Who’s the guy?”
The pen stops. “My brother, Dan, knows the guy through a friend. We’re going on a double date.”
“Oh, a set up? Interesting. How are you feeling about the date?”
“I’ve never been on a date before so I’m nervous. But I spoke to the guy on the phone, and it went well. Fingers crossed the date is a success.”
“Have you decided on what to wear?”
“Not yet.”
Her eyes light up with intrigue. “Oh, you have to let me help.”
My mouth opens and closes, unable to form a reply. The girls from my teenage years and their cruel ways are my first thought, and a vision enters my mind of Violet purposefully choosing an unattractive outfit for my date.
I shake the thought away, telling myself to stop projecting my fears upon other people. This is why I have no friends, because I’ve closed myself off.
“Thank you. That would be nice,” I say. “Maybe I can take some photos of my clothes and bring them to work tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow is too long to wait. I’ve mentally checked out of work for the day now that I’ve heard about your date. Do you live nearby? We can head to your place now and choose an outfit.”
“Um, yeah, okay. Let’s go.” I’ll take this as a win too.