Chapter 6 Harper
CHAPTER SIX
HARPER
Tyler’s body glistens, wet from the shower. I see everything. I can’t stop staring, reminded of how well-endowed he is. A heartbeat later, common decency hits and I spin away, turning my back to Tyler.
He lets out a relaxed laugh. “You going to leave the door open for everyone to see, Harp?”
“I… um…”
Wait a minute. Tyler is laughing.
I’ve missed the sound of his laughter. He’s calling me Harp instead of Harper.
I haven’t heard any pet names from him in so long.
Not Princess nor baby. When we were with Felix, he even called me our pretty ballerina.
The names are a tiny detail but they were always spoken with deep affection and made me feel adored.
Tyler steps by me, still naked as he shuts the door.
Being inside this bathroom with him feels strange since we’re not together anymore.
Running off when we haven’t seen each other since our breakup would also feel strange.
I should say something to not make this situation weird, but he has me tongue-tied like I’m a kid with a crush who doesn’t know how to speak to boys.
Tyler wraps a towel around his waist, then pushes his dark, wet hair back from his face. “You’re cute, Harp. Blushing.” His forehead suddenly creases with concern as he looks me over. “Shit. What happened to your eye?”
Tyler cups my jaw, tilting my head to examine the bruising. My skin warms at his touch. I’m unable to get the smile off my face. All I want is to hug and kiss him and for us to be us again.
“Harper, your eye. What happened?”
“Oh.” I blink several times, trying to focus on the question. “Remember that fan who had been following me?”
Tyler’s eyes widen with alarm. “He did this to you? Fuck, Harper. I wish I’d known. I would have flown back into town immediately. Did you report him?”
“Yes, but… There’s nothing to worry about. He’s… dead.”
“Dead?” His voice rises.
“All I heard is he was found in the river this past week.”
“Jesus. Are you okay?”
“I was shaken after the attack but I’m fine now.
My eye looks worse than it is. Nothing makeup can’t fix.
” I shrug, searching for a change in topic so I don’t waste this precious time with Tyler talking about something bleak.
“Amabella said you bought me roses. I haven’t seen them yet but thank you. I’m sure they’re beautiful.”
He watches me in silence, looking no less troubled.
“I know we have our issues. The roses aren’t my way of asking for us to get back together.
But I’ve been thinking about you a lot. Non-stop, actually.
Harper, you’re the most important person in this world to me and I want you to know it.
I’m sorry I’ve been caught up in my head for so long. You deserve better.”
I’m lost for words, smiling as my eyes follow Tyler to the sink.
I love this man. I love him so much. I try not to stare while he fixes his damp hair in the mirror, but it’s impossible to ignore his half-naked body.
He looks better than when we were together.
He’s been working out. His face has more color and he doesn’t look as dead behind his eyes.
Tyler’s gaze flicks to me in the reflection, catching me admiring him. We make eye contact for a long moment. I’m hot, not knowing how to respond. My thighs tingle and my lower tummy muscles tighten.
A memory flashes to mind of the last time we had sex. It was the night we broke up. We were in the kitchen of our apartment, both of us crying and kissing.
“You and me, always,” I muttered our phrase we’d spoken to each other since we were kids. “I guess that’s not true anymore.”
“It is true. Just because we’re apart doesn’t mean we don’t still have each other. It’s you and me, always, Harper. Say the words and mean them. Tell me you know they’re true.”
I wiped my tears and nodded. “You and me, always.”
“We’ll be back together one day. We’ll be stronger because we’ll have Felix. I promise you.”
We kissed. The next thing I knew, our clothes were coming off. We made love on the kitchen floor—the bedroom too far away—slow and emotional, clinging to each other as if our lives depended on it. The climax was strong, fueled by so many feelings. Tyler came inside me with no protection.
As expected, I didn’t get pregnant.
It’s the way of the universe. When I’m eighteen, scared, and not ready to be a mother, I get pregnant on birth control. When I actually want to be a mom, I can’t conceive.
Tyler and I stopped using protection long ago, desperate to fill the unexpected hole in our hearts that came after the miscarriage. Doctors say we’re both healthy and fertile, but no baby ever comes.
As the years go on, I’m beginning to think being a mother isn’t in the cards for me.
Each time my period arrives and I get upset, I try to tell myself not being pregnant is a blessing in disguise. Tyler and I have issues and bringing a baby into the picture won’t magically fix us. More importantly, I can erase all chances of being with Felix if I have a child with Tyler.
This situation between the three of us is insanely complicated. I don’t know how we’re ever supposed to find our way back to each other. Nothing with Tyler and Felix feels right anymore.
“I hate this distance between us,” I whisper.
“So do I, Harp.” Tyler turns to me, leaning back against the sink. “This is weird, not having you. I’ve had you in some form my entire life, even if we were just friends. I’ve missed you like crazy these last three months.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
“Come here.”
I join him by the sink, letting out of breath of relief when his hands are back on me, his touch innocent but intimate. Something deeply innate within me always needs to be physically connected with Tyler. Our fingers weave, our palms scar to scar, while his other hand rests at my waist.
“Much better,” he says.
“Agreed. How long are you in town?”
“Just the weekend. I fly back to L.A. on Monday.”
“Do you need anything from home?”
“No, Harp.”
The word home feels strange. When we split, Tyler told me I should keep living in our apartment since he’s traveling a lot for work, and that during the times he returns, he’ll live in a hotel so I have my space.
Our apartment is on the Upper East Side, right next to Central Park.
I love it there, except… it doesn’t feel like home anymore. Not without Tyler.
Many of his clothes are still in our closet. I haven’t removed any of his things from the medicine cabinet. I can’t bring myself to erase him from our home. It doesn’t truly feel like he’s gone if I keep everything just as he left it.
“Have you been… seeing anyone?” I try to keep the possessive streak out of my voice. “Actually, don’t answer that. I hate the thought of you being with some other girl. I don’t have any right to be jealous, but I will be if—”
“There hasn’t been anyone.”
I sigh with relief, instantly tense again when he flips the question on me.
“Have you been with anyone?”
“I… uh…”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” His voice is tight.
“It was Felix,” I blurt out, not wanting to give him the wrong impression.
The left side of Tyler’s mouth tugs up into that handsome grin I love. His eyes even look a little brighter. “That’s… amazing. I’m happy for you. I know how much you’ve missed him. Are you two—”
“Back together?” I huff then lean into Tyler’s embrace, resting my head against his chest. “Definitely not. It was last night. To be honest, I don’t know what happened. He was gone when I woke and is avoiding me again.”
Tyler kisses my hair. “I know it’s hard to hear, but this is a good sign. Felix is lowering his walls. At least, with you.”
“I’m not so sure.” I let out a heavy breath and look up at Tyler, changing the subject. “I should let you get dressed. I’m really happy to see you again. Maybe we can spend time together this weekend if… if that’s not weird for you. I know we’re supposed to be giving each other space—”
“Harper, it’s not weird. It’s never weird between us, okay?” He brushes a thumb over my bottom lip. “We’ll spend time together. I’d like that a lot.”