Chapter 38
CHAPTER 38
Jackson mourned. He didn’t talk. He didn’t smile or laugh. He dutifully took Chloe for walks or helped me around the house, but the man I knew was missing. He had withdrawn into himself.
I didn’t understand him, but I did understand grief. So I did my best to be there for him. I made dinner for him. I was home when he came home. We were two silent strangers living together. It broke my heart, but I knew enough not to push him on anything. This pain was something he needed to work through on his own.
He never asked me about my life, but even worse, he completely stopped talking about Alien. He seemed to have lost all interest in both of us.
Two more weeks passed. Jackson might as well have been deployed. He completely withdrew and didn’t even notice when my cast was removed. We coexisted together. Two roommates who never talked .
At dinner, I watched him eat, and then I decided to press my luck.
“I have an ultrasound scheduled tomorrow for 5 PM.”
Green eyes looked at me.
“Did you want to come?”
“Sure. Text me a reminder.”
“Okay.”
The next day, I waited outside the clinic until 4:59 PM. There was no sign of Jackson.
Me: At our appointment. Are you running late?
No response.
With a sore heart, I went to the appointment by myself.
The technician asked me if I wanted to know the sex of the baby. My eyes filled with tears. This was a decision that we were supposed to make together.
“No thanks.”
She gave me a sad smile.
I cried on the way home. I had no idea how to deal with this situation. Did I give Jackson more time? Did I confront him? What was I supposed to do? I thought losing him to Harper would be the worst thing in the world. But this, this was much worse. He didn’t want to be comforted. He didn’t want my love. He pushed me away, and there was nothing I could do about it. How long would this last? How long until the delicate relationship that we had started to cultivate was utterly shredded.
When I came in the door, Jackson stood in the kitchen on his phone. He didn’t even glance up when I walked in.
Suddenly, I felt anger. I put my bag on the counter .
“Where were you?”
He looked up at me. “What are you talking about?”
“We had an ultrasound appointment.”
He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Fuck. Emily. I’m sorry.”
“I waited for you.”
His eyes narrowed on my face. “I thought you were going to text me a reminder.”
“I did. I texted you the address. And then I texted you at 4:30 and at 5 PM. Neither text you replied to.”
“I didn’t see any texts.”
“I texted you!” I sounded pissed. So hurt.
He tossed his phone onto the counter. “Can we drop it?”
I watched as he walked out into the backyard. I snatched up his phone to see if he had gotten my texts.
I stared at his phone in disbelief. The guy wasn’t even bothering to read my texts. All my texts were on his phone. They were just unread. Tears blinded my eyes. I looked down at his phone.
Harper’s name was also on his message list. Frowning, I swiped onto her name. All of her texts were being read.
I shook my head in disbelief. Was this happening to me? What was she saying that was so important that he was reading all her texts and not mine? I looked up at Jackson who was standing on the deck, with his back to me. Yes. I was going to be that chick.
I clicked on her name.
I started to scroll through her texts.
Harper: I forgot to tell you. The other day, I was running, and I had this huge runner’s high. And then, out of nowhere, I orgasmed. Remember the first time I had an orgasm when we went running? I can still remember how hot that made you when you realized what had happened to me
Harper: I know you said you are married and not available, but recent events make me think otherwise. All I can think about is how much I want you to put your face between my legs until I scream
Attached was a picture of her on a bed, her legs spread and wearing no fucking underwear.
I stood there transfixed. I stared at the picture. I wanted to throw his phone across the room. I hated her.
Harper: I want you to make me beg. I want you to fuck me until I can’t feel my legs. I want to scratch my nails down your back. And when you give me that knowing smile, I know you want the same thing
Harper: Want to run again today? Same place, same time?
Harper: I’ve been thinking of you all day. I can’t get you out of my mind. I can tell you’ve been thinking about me too. When am I going to see you next?
My heart shattered into a million pieces. My hands shook. His ex-girlfriend was sexting my husband. She sent him dirty pictures and dirty texts detailing all the dirty things they used to do or things she wanted to do. Pure rage coursed through my veins.
With ice control, I set his phone down on the counter. He had read every single one of her texts but none of mine. He devastated me.
Without saying a word to him, I picked up my bag and walked back out of the house. Chloe obediently followed me out to the car.
I drove past the huge gates and onto the highway, putting the stern looking guards in my review mirror. I didn’t know where I was going. I just needed to drive. By the time I pulled into Newport, I was shaking. I pulled over to the boardwalk. I needed a minute to collect myself.
I let Chloe out of the car and watched as she raced across the beach. I was pretty sure I was in a state of shock. I staggered to a bench and sat down.
My phone rang. It was Jackson. I hit ignore.
I couldn’t do this anymore. I could not. Jackson was so obviously over this marriage. He hadn’t read a single one of my texts. I wondered how many times he had stared at the crotch shot of Harper.
Jackson: Emily. Call me.
Jackson and I were not a couple. Nope. Jackson was in an emotional partnership with Harper. They were the couple. Maybe Jackson had resigned himself to committing to this marriage, but the person he wanted to be with was Harper.
My phone started ringing. It was Jackson again. I hit ignore.
Jackson: Emily. Answer your phone.
I watched as Chloe walked along the sand, her nose to the ground. I needed a plan. I was sitting on a beach in Virginia with my dog and my purse. I needed to figure out what to do next. I could go home to New York, but that didn’t appeal to me. Maybe I could just drive down the coast? Take a week to just come up with a better plan than that. Chloe and I could hang out on the beach. We could buy some clothes and dog food.
It was as good a plan as any.
Jackson: Tell me where you are.
I stood up. “Come on Chloe. Let’s go.”
As we walked back to the car, Jackson called again. I powered off my phone and tossed it on the dash.
I drove for an hour along the coastline in the opposite direction of New York.
Jackson loves Harper.
Jackson will never love me.
The words were stuck on repeat in my head. It was almost a relief to realize it. You get so wound up about ‘what ifs’ and worry about every aspect of it, that when it ends, you just think, okay it is over. It’s done. I gave it my best shot, and I failed. Now the struggle is over. Jackson took his big hands and ripped open my heart to a mushy mess. But there's a certain comfort with hitting rock bottom.
I had no business being part of Jackson’s life. We didn’t know each other. We were two strangers that were forced together because of a baby. It was the worst reason to get married. And now I would end our marriage. It was the only sane thing to do.
I swung into a Wal-Mart. I picked up some essentials. I also bought some dog food for Chloe. I drove another hour and then when I could barely keep my eyes open, I checked into a motel that was dog-friendly. I took a long shower and climbed into bed with Chloe. I curled up around her and went to sleep.