Chapter 31
CHAPTER 31
As I stepped outside, Beth caught up with me. “Emily. Wait. I'll drive you home.”
I nodded in misery.
“I can’t believe what a bitch she is,” Beth seethed as we walked to her car.
I couldn’t even speak. How could Julie do that to me? That was my biggest darkest secret. How could she humiliate me like that? How would I ever look Jackson in the eye again? Maybe I could move into a hotel until the wedding? Or I could tell him that she was mistaken and that I had a secret crush on someone else, but it wasn’t him? Or maybe I could just get in my car with Chloe and drive, making sure never to see Jackson again. Each idea was worse than the one before.
We got into the car, and Beth looked at me, with the most sympathetic look. “Hey, are you okay?”
I started to cry and shook my head. “Why would she do that? Why would she tell him that?”
Beth rubbed my shoulder. “She was just trying to get a rise out of you. It’s not like it is the truth or anything. ”
I raised my tear-stained face. “It’s true.”
Beth sat there with a stunned look on her face which just made me cry harder. “Matt and I are going through something. He's never home. We never talk. And he says he’s going to be around and he never is.”
“Oh sweetie,” Beth rubbed my shoulder.
“I don't want to have feelings for Jackson, but he’s so nice to me, and he’s always encouraging me.” I snorted wetly. “He makes me feel good.”
Beth sighed. “Jackson would be lucky to get someone like you.”
More tears squeezed out of my eyes. “You have to say that. You're my friend.”
“If it makes you feel better, that guy is so sexy that I get insanely nervous when he looks at me. He just exudes all these pheromones. No one could resist him. I imagine it would be much like having Kurt Browning as your roommate.”
We looked at each other and then we started laughing.
Then I started to cry again. “Everything has gone to shit. I don’t know what to do with Matt, and I have just been burying my head in the sand hoping it would all go away.”
“Where does Jackson fit into all of this?”
“I have these guilty thoughts about him, but I didn’t know that anyone else knew. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of hiding it.”
“And now Julie, the fuck-face, broadcast it to the world.”
I wiped my eyes. “That was humiliating.”
She started laughing. “It could have been worse.”
“How?”
“Well, when you reached down for your purse…”
“My almost face plant! I know. My legs were shaking so hard.”
“Not falling is a victory.”
“I don’t feel victorious.”
She took a deep breath. “For what it’s worth, Jackson had this look on his face. ”
“His pity for the poor stupid idiot face?”
Her eyes looked big, “No, I can’t describe it. He looked stunned.”
I looked out the window. “He's my friend. He's so nice to me. And now Julie ruined that. I'll never be able to look him in the eyes again.”
Beth started the car. “If it makes you feel better, he’s probably used to it. Everyone probably falls for him.”
I shook my head. “That doesn’t make me feel better.”
We started to laugh again.
“What are you going to do about Matt?”
“I have no idea.”
“Do you want to go get shit-faced?”
“Yes,” I said. “But bad idea. I would probably end up trying to climb into Jackson’s bed and completely humiliate myself. Plus I have to deal with Matt.”
She drove me home and pulled in behind Matt’s car. Jackson’s truck wasn’t there.
“Don’t let fucking Julie call you tomorrow and apologize and act like nothing is wrong. This time put her on the hook for her behavior. That was unacceptable.”
“Jackson said that he doesn’t think she’s a good friend.”
Beth’s eyes widened. “Finally, the voice of reason. She isn’t a good friend. She’s fun, but she is a mean girl.”
We hugged. “Thanks, Beth.”
“Sweetie, it's going to get better. Just talk to Matt, okay?”
I nodded.
I walked upstairs with a heavy heart. Chloe greeted me at the door with a wagging bum and a cold nose. I bent down and wrapped my arms around her soft neck. “You're such a good dog. I love you so much.”
She licked my ear. So I kissed her face .
“How was your party?” Matt’s voice sounded from across the room. I looked up. He stood in the kitchen. I stood up and walked towards him.
“What happened?”
He shrugged and took a drink of his wine. “Got busy, babe.”
I stood there for a long moment. He still hadn’t acknowledged that it was my birthday. I had no idea how to start this conversation. He just stared at his wine.
“Matt, what’s going on?”
He looked up at me, his eyes angry. “What’s going on is that you're never here for me.”
My mouth opened in shock. “That isn’t true. I'm always here.”
He gave a harsh laugh. “You keep telling yourself that.”
“Is this about Chloe?”
“Julie told me all about your crush on Jackson.”
I stood there completely still. “Excuse me?”
“Oh yeah, she let me in on your big secret.”
“I think she’s exaggerating.”
He snorted. “You think you have a chance with a guy like that?”
“You're totally out of line here, Matt. Jackson is your friend.”
“Exactly. Did you just hear yourself? Jackson is my fucking friend.”
My heart pounded. “Nothing has happened.”
“Yes but the difference is you have wanted something to happen, didn’t you?”
“When were you talking to Julie?”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“There is no subject to change.”
“Don’t lie to me, Emily. You have the hots for Jackson. Admit it.”
I stood there in dismay. “This has been blown out of proportion.”
“Admit it,” he snarled.
“I'm not the one who left the party and fooled around with some stranger. ”
He looked at the ceiling. “How did I know that you would never be able to let that go.”
“It’s the truth. And I don’t think you should get mad about something so stupid when you did worse.”
He gave me a sick smile. “It wasn’t a stranger.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. “Matt.”
“It was Julie, and it wasn’t just once either. This has been going on for a while.”
I gasped.
“Oh don’t give me that look. Is there any difference between you harboring all these secret lustful feelings for Jackson and me doing something with your best friend?”
He had a point. I tried to think my way through this situation. “I didn’t act on my feelings. That’s the difference.”
He laughed. “I don’t have feelings for Julie. She was just some warm body that meant absolutely nothing to me. But you have feelings for Jackson. In my books, that’s way worse.”
I crossed my arms over my stomach. “It’s not like Jackson has feelings back. We haven’t crossed any lines.”
Except he kissed me. Twice. And almost kissed me a third time.
“You haven’t crossed any lines,” he laughed. “That’s rich. Like someone like Jackson would ever want to come within a hundred feet of your line.”
I knew he was right. On all accounts. He was fucking mean about it, but it was the truth. My crush, my stupid feelings, it was a worse betrayal than anything else. “I'm sorry.”
“Too fucking late.” He picked up his keys.
“Where are you going?” I started to feel panicked. “Please Matt, don’t leave.”
“Don’t fucking touch me,” he said, holding his hands up.
“Don’t do this. We need to talk."
He turned around and paused for a fraction of a second and then he started laughing. “Oh, this is fucking rich.”
I turned around. Jackson was standing in the doorway, holding my leftover birthday cake. I wanted to bury my face in my hands. Matt walked out, and as he passed Jackson, he said, “I don’t fucking want her. Even all her money doesn’t make this worth it.”
Jackson stood staring at Matt.
Matt tossed his keys up in the air. “She’s all yours. Not that you fucking want her.”
My shame was complete.