Chapter 47
CHAPTER 47
I pulled into my parking stall in the parkade of the penthouse. I jumped out of my car and started rapidly walking towards the elevator, not waiting for Jackson who was still in the process of parking his truck. With luck, I would be already on my way upstairs by the time he got to the elevator.
I got halfway across the parkade when I heard his door slam.
“Something bugging you?” His voice sounded so relaxed and easy-going, I thought my blood would start boiling. I spun around on my heels and stomped back to him. I walked right up to him and glared up at his face.
“You’re walking me down the aisle?” I spat up at him. “Really? Matt just snaps his fingers, and you come crawling?”
His eyes widened with interest. “A couple of weeks ago you were pissed when they wanted me gone. I thought you would be happy they included me at your wedding.”
“Are you upset that I haven’t broken it off with Matt yet?”
“I don’t need to know what your plans are. I've nothing to do with that. You can do whatever you want.”
I flinched. I will admit. That stung but I needed to bring him back to the point of the fact that Matt and Irene were cruel. Did he not see that?
I put my hand on my hip. I looked at him with disbelief. “Don’t you see what they’re doing? Why are you putting up with their shit?”
He shrugged. “They’re family.”
“They don’t act like family.”
We eyeballed each other for a long moment. I felt so frustrated I turned on my heels and started to walk away.
“Family deserves loyalty.”
In two seconds flat, I was back in his face. “Neither of them deserve your loyalty.”
Another long moment ticked between us.
“I'm not loyal to someone because of how they treat me. I'm loyal because of the person I am.”
I went completely still. The image of a young boy, at the mercy of a violent drunk, flashed before my eyes. Ted had smashed his bones, terrorized him and abused him in ways no child should ever be abused. That child’s loyalty to Ted had been breathtaking.
Waves of pain washed over me so intensely that I almost couldn’t breathe.
“It’s not right,” I squeezed out of my constricted throat.
“Why are you so upset about this?” he sounded mystified.
“Because you deserve so much better,” I yelled at him. “Because it hurts me to see others hurt you.”
“A bullet hurts. Violence hurts.” He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “This is nothing.”
“If this is nothing than why does it feel like my heart is breaking,” I yelled. I pushed past him. I couldn’t let this man see me cry again. If I cried in front of him one more time, he would never talk to me again.
He moved so quick. He spun me around. His mouth came down on mine. Hot. Savage. Wild. I moaned into his mouth and wrapped my arms around his thick neck. Why did it feel like every time he touched me, I was coming in from the cold? My hands grabbed fingers full of his hair. He immobilized me against the truck. His mouth. It was everywhere. On my neck. On my shoulder. My lips. I couldn't think I was so turned on. All I could do was hang on and feel.
He lifted me up and my legs automatically wrapped around his waist while his mouth continued to assault me. My skirt bunched up around my waist. His glorious hard body, his excitement, and his arousal only fueled my own.
He shifted beneath me, and then the rasp of his zipper. His hard fullness butted up against the thin fabric of my underwear. He reached one hand between my legs and with a strong tug my panties tore from my hips.
One powerful thrust buried him into me. Beautiful sensations coursed through my entire body. He stood there and breathed hard against my neck. I was pinned, literally pinned, up against the truck, impaled on him.
He raised his head. His eyes locked with my own as he spoke, “I wish I wanted what you wanted.”
I panted. Dizzy. Out of my mind with lust. He grabbed the back of my hair and pulled my head back roughly. I stared back at him in a daze.
“I want you to have everything you ever dreamed of. Do you understand?"
I didn't. I didn't understand what he said to me. None of this made sense. He stared at me, anger and desire written all over his face. And then, finally, he thrust into me. Hard. Up against his big black truck. It felt so incredible, so fulfilling that I could only hang on and moan.
Like everything Jackson, he moved with power and endurance. My entire body got tighter and tighter. I fought my orgasm, but I could only hang on so long. I let out a long, peeled cry. He stilled and watched my face as my entire body shuddered in ecstasy around him. We remained there for a long moment, both of us breathing hard. His hardness still buried in me .
“I don’t want a family or commitment,” he said against my lips, without kissing me. “But Matt does.”
His words stabbed me in the heart.
“Jackson.”
“You should marry him,” he said, without expression on his face. “He’s a good guy.”
He was still rock hard and hadn't yet come. He pulled out of me and lifted me down onto shaking legs. I brushed my skirt down, needing a moment to compose myself. The moment had come. I needed to tell him that he was going to be a father. I took a deep breath.
“Please let me talk to you.”
He looked at me for a long moment, and then he said in a clear voice. “I’m not what you want, and I'm not someone you can fix.”
My mouth dropped open. I watched as he climbed into his truck. Without looking at me, he backed up and then peeled away.
On shaking legs, I walked up to the penthouse. In my heart, I knew that he would not come back here. Jackson was gone.
The sense of loss crushed me so hard that it felt like someone had died. Numb, I sat on the couch in the dark for hours and willed him to walk through the door. But he didn’t. Eventually, I staggered to his guest room and crawled into his bed. I could faintly smell him in the bed, and the familiar scent overwhelmed me on every level. Clutching his pillow around my waist, I wanted to, but I couldn’t cry.
Jackson wasn’t coming back. There was a black hole in my chest. This feeling destroyed me more than when my parents had been murdered. This darkness and pain pierced sharper than when my granny had died. I wasn’t sure I would survive the night. How was it possible that a human being could endure this much loss?
Jackson. I knew from the moment my heart had turned towards this man that this would only end in devastation, but I had been powerless to stop myself. Like a plant that faces towards the sun, I had been unable to resist him. I had thought that I knew what losing him would be like. I had attempted to mentally and emotionally prepare myself. I had thought that the small amount of time I had been given with him would be worth the pain in the long run. I had never been more wrong about anything in my life.
He was wrong for me on so many levels, but my heart wanted what my heart wanted. And now, stupidly, my heart would never be the same again.
I debated calling him and telling him about the baby, but his words stopped me. He didn't want what I wanted. He had been clear in letting me know that it was over between us. I needed to accept this and move forward.