35. This Is Nick, My Boyfriend
This Is Nick, My Boyfriend
Missy
Laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, torturing myself with mental images of Nick in bed with a multitude of stunning women — this is how I’ve spent way too many hours lately. He isn’t home — again.
First, he disappeared for over a week after we first fought, and for the past two weekends, since I accused him of using a key to sneak into my apartment, he’s been gone again. I know he’s gone because there’s been no noise, no sound of his door opening and closing as he goes for his morning run, no music as he works out at home, showers, and cooks his breakfast. No TV or footsteps, nothing. I also saw Lance, the other vet at the clinic, when I know he doesn’t usually work Saturdays.
Not knowing where he is, my mind conjures up a movie reel of him in bars, meeting women who don’t accuse him of anything, women who tell him they want more, women who see the man he is and trust him without question. I hate those women.
He’s beautiful, his body is beautiful, and the things he can do with it — Ugh… Perfection. The idea of him doing those things to somebody else, covering their body with his, sinking into them in the slow, torturous way he does… I can’t bear it.
He should have somebody. How he doesn’t already have a perfect, beautiful wife waking up next to him each morning blows my mind. He deserves that.
I could text him. I could call him. I could just say Nick, I’m sorry, we both fucked up, let’s fix this, marry me. I could.
Picking up my phone I scroll to the last text he sent me, two days after that first fight.
Nick: Miss, I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am, please just talk to me. I hate not talking to you x
I didn’t reply, and he didn’t text or call again after that.
‘Mama, I’m done.’
Jonah calls out from the bathroom, and I lift myself up from the mattress. We have work and school to get to. I need to stop fixating on things I can’t ever have.
‘Ooh, I love this song,’ Kacey says, swinging her hips behind Mrs. Abernathy, and I laugh. Things are good when I'm at work. The salon is always filled with fun, vibrant women, and it buzzes with this happy energy; it fills up my cup. That’s not to say we don’t cut men’s hair. We do, but they come in here ready to bop along with us, and I love it so much. I don’t have anyone in right now, so I tap Kacey’s shoulder as I pass and nod toward the office. I need to sit down for a while.
Sitting down in my chair, I can’t stop the memories of being in here with Nick all those weeks ago. My body reacts as I remember the grip of his fingers on my hips and the pull of my ponytail.
I pick up my cell, willing it to buzz with a message from him, but there’s nothing.
I could contact him, but what would I say? I’m sorry I called you a liar and a crazy person. Please come back to me.
‘Ugh,’ I lean my head back and, once more, stare up at the ceiling when there’s a light tap on the door, and Kacey pokes her head in .
‘Hey, sweetie.’ She smiles. ‘There is a very attractive man out here asking for you.’ She grins and waggles her eyebrows, and my heart skips.
‘Dark hair?’ She nods, and I stand, blowing out a breath, then smoothing down my shirt as I follow her out of the office, ready to face him and fix this.
‘Hey, Marissa.’
The voice I hear has my head snapping up and my heart racing. Not Nick, definitely not Nick.
‘Bax…’ I say, shocked. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’m here to see my son.’
The expression is one I’ve seen a hundred times, and all my hairs stand on alert. I need him out of here, away from my safe space.
‘Let’s go outside where we can talk.’ I force a soft smile and gesture to the door, and to my surprise, Bax turns and walks outside. Kacey grins at me, clearly not understanding that I want this man nowhere near my son or me.
‘Imagine my surprise,’ he starts as he turns on his heels to glare at me, ‘when my mom tells me you moved my son to this nowhere town and didn’t tell me.’
‘ Bax …’
‘I’m not done talking, Marissa.’
I stop, inhaling through my nose and trying to release it slowly .
There are so many different versions of this man, and I know them all. Since we broke up when Jonah was a baby, I pretty much only got the deadbeat dad who hardly ever showed up and who, for the most part, I could be frank with, talking straight to him about not seeing Jonah and making arrangements on the rare occasion that he did.
Somehow, a couple of years ago, he managed to show me the version I first met. The nice guy, the remorseful, sorry for ever hurting me guy, and my lonely ass fell for it, but soon the violent, abusive asshole was back. This guy, the one right in front of me, has dark eyes and a cold tone to his voice that makes my heart race in fear. He strangles my vocal cords with a stare, silencing me and forcing me into obedience. This guy — he’s the one I’m terrified of, and I’m not going to push him.
‘I’m taking Jonah.’
His words pull me back from my fear and rouse the mama bear inside me.
‘Bax, no. He hardly even remembers you.’ My voice is small, the tremble undeniable.
‘He’s my kid. He’ll get used to it. Go and get him.’
I can’t do that. I promised Jonah he wouldn’t ever have to see him again.
‘He’s at school,’ I plead, and he smiles, knowing he’s got me scared. Just how he likes me.
‘Then take him out.’
‘You can’t take him, Bax.’ He steps forward, and tears wash over my eyes as I battle my own fear for the sake of my son. ‘Be reasonable, please.’
‘I swear to god, Marissa, if you don’t…’
‘ Nick ,’ I cut him off as I see the man I’ve missed so fucking much approaching, his green scrubs a beacon of hope and peace and safety as I reach for his arm without asking for permission or offering an explanation and Bax takes a step back, and Nick, without question, sticks by my side. ‘Nick, this is Bax, Jonah’s dad. Bax, this is Nick,’ I take a breath, ‘my boyfriend.’
I feel Nick tense beside me, but instead of throwing me to the wolf that is my baby daddy, he holds out a hand to Bax.
‘Hey, good to meet you finally.’ His voice is flat, not enough that someone who doesn’t know him would notice, but I notice.
‘Boyfriend?’ Bax questions, ignoring Nick’s proffered hand and glaring at me, nostrils flared. I’m about to answer when Nick pulls his arm from my grasp and wraps it around my back, pulling me to his side. God, he smells good.
‘Yeah, it’s new, but we’re pretty happy,’ he offers before pressing a light kiss to my temple, and I could cry, literally sob, right here from his closeness and the feel of his lips on my skin.
‘Well, if you’re done makin’ out, Marissa was about to go get my son.’
‘Bax…’
‘Jonah’s in school right now,’ Nick says firmly.
‘Listen.’ Bax turns his full attention on Nick now for the first time, and I see the moment he realizes that my boyfriend is bigger than him, taller with broader shoulders and arms that make Bax’s look like spaghetti, and he shrinks back just a little.
‘Bax, what about this weekend? Let Jonah finish up his week, come by, and spend the weekend in town. You can hang out and let him get to know you again. It’s been so long,’ I bargain, and he clenches his jaw tightly. ‘I can get you a cabin at the bar — you can spend the whole weekend.’
Bax considers my words and turns toward his car.
‘Fine.’
One word, that’s it, before he climbs into his car and pulls away, and Nick releases me doing the same. I miss him immediately, his touch, his warmth, that security he gave me.
‘Nick,’ I call out after him, and he turns back, shaking his head.
‘ Don’t! ’ he snaps, then turns and heads into the clinic.
‘Miss, you okay?’ Kacey’s sweet, soft voice causes the tears I was holding back to fall, and I cover my face as I cry right there in the street. Bax knows where we are, and Nick hates me even more than he already did. It’s all falling apart.