Chapter 16
“What were you thinking, London?” Hendrix asks as he pulls out the shard of glass I shoved into my palm.
I hiss at the burn when it finally comes out covered in blood. I’m sitting on a hospital exam table as he carefully removes the jagged piece. Another crimson bead appears on my palm. Hendrix drops the shard into a metal bowl along with the tweezer-looking tool he was using to dig it out.
“I was trying to remember.” My voice sounds small and foreign to my own ears.
His blue eyes are filled with worry as he scans my face.
“And did you?” he asks as he returns to cleaning my hand, knitting his brows in concentration.
“I remember being in the driver’s seat when we wrecked. I remember conversation, but I don’t know which words were mine. It was like I was having an out-of-body experience; observing from a distance,” I say as my chin wobbles.
“I could see the blood everywhere and hear the eerie sound of metal twisting and groaning while glass shattered all around us. I remember feeling like all the air got sucked out of my lungs when the airbags deployed. And I remember…my hand…” I trail off glancing at my hand as tears fill my eyes.
I know what he’s thinking because it’s the same thing I am.
Everything points to me being London. Even Dash said she was driving when he and Lennon parted ways that night.
Unless I can remember swapping places, which seems unlikely considering the clothes we were known to be wearing, it means I’ve messed up so badly.
I slept with the man my sister was in love with.
I cheated on my boyfriend who was planning to propose to me.
Which is why I sent Dash home after he took me to the hospital for Hendrix to look at my hand. I didn’t tell him what I remembered, just that I wasn’t feeling well, and Hendrix should be the one to stay with me tonight to make sure I’m okay.
Hendrix must wash the cut with alcohol because through my blurry vision, something clear drips from my palm and burns like hell making me suck in a quick breath.
He glances up at me from the stool he sits on and pulls my hand closer, blowing on it. When his gaze meets mine, I see nothing but love and compassion there.
“I’m going to put two stitches in your hand. The shard of glass wasn’t small, and you dug it in there rather deep. Do you want me to numb it with lidocaine? It’s just a little shot around the area.”
I shake my head. The pain in my hand is nothing compared to the pain in my heart. If anything, it serves as a stark reminder that my hand won’t ever hold hers again. And even if she were here, she’d never look at me the same way. I’m messing everything up.
I clench my teeth when he places the two small stitches and tears fall from my eyes.
“Hey, beautiful. It’s okay. I got you.” He says the words gently as he stands and removes his gloves, then cups my face with his warm hand. I hold it and stare in his eyes.
Suddenly, the tears break free unbidden and with a vengeance.
For the first time, I cry because I understand down to the very depths of my soul that yes, I might have survived the wreck, but no matter whether I get my memory back or not, I’ll never be the same again.
The person I was before the accident died right there in the car beside my sister.
“Are you sure you can take a few days off to stay with me? I don’t want to cause any trouble for you.”
Hendrix drops his duffel by the door after closing it and then flips the lock before facing me. He steps close and pulls me to his chest in a comforting embrace as his strong arms surround me.
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, whether trouble finds me because of it or not. But this will be fine. My bosses know what’s going on,” he says, assuring me in a soothing tone.
He holds me a little longer before placing a gentle kiss to my forehead.
“Thank you, Hendrix. You’ve done nothing but take care of me and love me while all I’ve done is hurt you.”
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Hey, none of that. You’ve been through something extraordinary, and not the good kind. I don’t think I’d be standing if I was you. We’ll get through this, baby. All of us.”
I swallow hard trying to push the burning need to cry down. “All I’ve done is hurt everyone. I don’t know if any of us will ever really be okay again. That’s the problem. I think we’ll be pretending like we are.”
He gently grasps my chin with his finger and thumb, as if urging me to listen.
“The one thing I know none of us are pretending to do is care about each other. Dash and I are in almost as unique of a position as you are. We understand the pain the other feels and we both secretly hope you’re our girl.
And we both care about you. We just want to know what’s real and what isn’t; the same as you.
Be patient, baby. The truth always comes out one way or another.
And once we have it, we’ll all adjust from there no matter how much it hurts. I promise.”
I nod against his palm and turn to kiss it. When I do, his pupils get big. He leans toward me but waits for me to close the space. And I do.
My lips brush against his gently at first. Then, more fervently.
My body responds to him, but my heart is begging me to stop as Dash’s face haunts my thoughts.
Slowing the pace of our kiss, I pull back and place my palm over his heart.
I keep my eyes closed out of shame for almost losing control and quietly say, “I’m sorry. I keep running hot and then cold with you, but we shouldn’t. Things are still so messy and unclear.”
He sways us from side to side and covers my hand with his like we’re dancing to a love song only we can hear. He kisses my cheek and then I feel his cheek against mine.
“Sorry isn’t a word I want to hear fall from your lips again, baby. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”
I swallow, trying to push down my emotions when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. We let go of one another so I can check it.
Hendrix doesn’t press when I know he saw Dash’s name on the display. He simply kisses the tip of my nose and returns to his duffel bag. “I’m going to get set up on the couch. I’m here if you need me.”
I smile but it feels tight. If the truth reveals me as London the way part of me fears it will, my heart has pulled me in a direction I have no right to be running in…straight into Dash’s arms.
When I make it to the bedroom, I shut the door and then open Dash’s message.
Dash: I don’t know what happened tonight, but I know you caught wind of a memory or two.
I’ll give you time to process them if you need it even though I wish you’d let me help.
But please don’t shut me out. I’m here for you.
I know there’s a chance you’re London, but I see my Valkyrie in your eyes and in your spirit.
Until there’s proof to say otherwise, I’ll believe in Lennon.
She’s the fiercest person I know, and she’d never go down without the fight of her life.
And well, here you are pushing the limits with your eye on the finish line in this race for truth and justice. Goodnight, Valkyrie.
I glance up and catch my own stare in the mirror and make my way to the reflective mocking glass in the corner of the room. I touch the cold surface with my fingertip aimed right over my chest and whisper the words I wish my sister could hear instead of my lonely reflection.
“Mirror, mirror. Help my heart to remember.”