Chapter 20
Dash is beside me in seconds as agony unlike I’ve ever felt rises up into my throat.
“Lennon! What in the hell is going on?” he shouts. He’s not calm; he’s panicking. All his strength and patience have flown out the window by now. He’s almost as desperate as the moment I heard his voice in the hospital.
“It’s why you were hell-bent on me being Lennon! You knew!” I shout, jerking away from him.
He recoils with a furrowed brow.
“What? You’re not making any sense,” he says.
I manage to stand and point to the Mustang parked behind the Camaro.
“You knew it was me…” I trail off as the world turns upside down all over again.
“It was you, Dash! You wanted to kill me! You were stalking me while you were pretending to love me!” I shout.
“Lennon, baby, please think about what you’re saying—”
I cut him off.
“I know what I’m saying, and I know what I saw. It was you. I just don’t understand why.”
My entire body trembles from the sting of betrayal.
“No, Valkyrie. You’re wrong,” he says and tries to reach for me.
“Don’t call me that! Where’s our necklaces?” I ask, absently feeling around my neck for mine as reality strangles me.
“I have no clue, Lennon, because I’m not your damn stalker! I love you! I don’t know what you think you remembered, but I’d never hurt you.”
“Is that so?” I snipe back. “What about Darcy? She sure wasn’t shy about telling me all the ways she hates me and couldn’t believe you were pursuing who she thought was London after she seduced you just last week.
The week I happened to take time away from you,” I say clenching my teeth together because they’re starting to chatter.
His brows furrow before he advances on me. I stand my ground, refusing to back down. The moment he reaches me, our bodies collide, and he traps my arms under his before getting nose to nose with me. He’s careful not to hurt me, but I can’t move, and I’m forced to listen to every word he says.
“I didn’t touch her. I feel like I’ve been losing my mind staring at the walls of my house while thinking about you.
So, I went to a party and had a few drinks to get out of the house.
Darcy was there and kept rubbing herself all over me, but I told her to get the hell away from me.
I went to use the bathroom, but little did I know she followed me and locked the door behind her.
I’m sure I don’t have to paint a picture for you, but she offered herself up on a silver platter.
She was ready, willing, and eager. If I wasn’t so in love with you, then yes, I would’ve laid her out right there.
It would have been easy. But the only legs I want wrapped around me are yours, do you understand? ”
My chin quivers and my stupid heart flips. How can something so crude sound so reassuring?
“As for being your stalker, why would I do that? Think about it,” he says as he releases me.
“I don’t know if I can trust you,” I say as I take a step back. “I know what I just remembered about the car following us that night. It was a black Mustang and it looked a hell of a lot like yours.”
Dash scrubs his hand down his face in frustration. “Do you know how many black Mustangs are on the road? And don’t you remember watching the video at the police station? That Mustang had some sort of guard on the front. Mine doesn’t have one,” he waves his hand in the direction of his car.
“Anyone with know-how about cars could easily put something like that on and then remove it,” I say as my chest gets tighter.
“And from the time I woke up, you said the way I was driving that night, you knew I was Lennon. Did you only see me driving from the tapes the cop friend of yours had or because you were there?”
He stares at me in disbelief. His jaw is set, and his arms hang by his sides. “I can’t believe you just said that. If you don’t trust me, I don’t know what to do. This is not how I imagined you remembering that you’re really Lennon.”
I can almost feel my heart physically cracking. This isn’t what I pictured either. I knew it would be messy, but I never dreamed I wouldn’t trust him because of my memories.
“I’m sorry. But I can’t tell you I do.” I lick my lips and step forward, but still stand just out of reach. “I’m in love with you, Dash. My heart can’t reconcile what my mind is telling me you might have done. But right now, it doesn’t matter.”
He nods in reluctant understanding. “I wish you’d listen to what your heart remembers. Love without trust won’t survive, Valkyrie.”
“I know.” My chin wobbles. “But how can I ignore what my mind is saying. Maybe my heart remembers something I desperately wanted to be true but never was.”
I get back in the car and drive away leaving him standing alone on the side of the road illuminated by the very headlights which may have ruined everything.
After I park Jackson’s Camaro at Tyler Motorsports, I stand outside the building which has always held my future…my career and my dreams. I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and hover over the officer’s name in my phone book. But I hesitate as my heart tries to overpower my mind.
Dash is right. Just because it looked like his car that night doesn’t mean it was.
But just because I’m in love with him doesn’t mean he didn’t do it either.
I squeeze my eyes shut. What am I doing?
I don’t have anything more to give the cops now than I did before.
I didn’t see anyone’s face or hear anyone’s voice but my own and London’s.
“Hold my hand.” I know now it was me pleading with her to be okay and take my hand like when we were kids.
We were always better and stronger together.
I was desperately hoping I could pour my fading strength into her that night; hoping I could save her one last time. But I didn’t. Because I couldn’t.
How can I live with knowing she died because of me? How will my parents ever look at me again? I don’t deserve to be anything remotely close to happy. I don’t deserve to be forgiven. Even if Dash had nothing to do with any of this, how could I ever allow myself to love someone so much again?
Hendrix. Hendrix will hate me. He’ll never forgive me, and I can’t blame him. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself. The most important person in the world to me is no longer in it because of the choices I made that night.
I decide to call my dad. If I’m going to confide in anyone, it should be him. He’s the only one besides Dash and Hendrix who knew there was a possibility I was alive instead of London.
I bring his number up in my phone, mentally cursing the late hour.
His raspy voice laced with sleep sounds in my ear almost immediately. “London? What’s wrong?”
My throat burns and I swallow hard before speaking. “Dad, I need you, but please don’t wake Mom. I’m at Tyler Motorsports. Can you come get me?”
“I’ll be right there.” He hangs up without another word.
What should be a twenty-minute drive from their house, he makes in ten.
His truck slides to a stop and he’s out standing in front of me without saying a word.
My dad. The one man I knew would never let me down.
The one I thought could never be broken.
The man I’ve always looked up to and adored.
My hero. We were so close. And in the weeks since this nightmare began, he’s aged.
Will he turn me away when he finds out the truth of what I’ve done?
“Dad…” I whisper as my chin trembles as I stare at him like it might be the last time.
“Are you hurt? What’s wrong, sweetheart?” he asks as his concerned gaze checks me over.
I can hardly make myself say the words, so instead, I tell him the phrase he always said to me before every race. “Drive fast, heart steady, and live free.”
“Lennon,” he rushes out as his eyes fill with unshed tears.
He crashes into me and holds me tight against him as his frame shakes with sobs. I’ve never seen my dad cry.
“Oh, my baby girl. I can’t believe it’s true,” he says as he sways us back and forth in the same comforting dance he used on us when we were kids.
I pull back. “I’m so sorry. London shouldn’t have died, Dad. It should’ve been me. She’s dead because of me. I never should’ve asked her to help me see Dash that night.”
“What?” he asks.
I’m trying to be careful with what I say. I’m not sure how much my dad should know about my stalker just yet. I may need to keep it to myself in order to protect everyone else and take him down.
“She helped cover for me. We always covered for one another. I never stopped seeing him even when you condemned us being together. I was lying to you. And now, because of all my lies, my sister is gone.”
“Lennon…” he starts, but drops it. I’m sure he doesn’t know what to say.
A person can feel more than one emotion in any given moment.
I’d say he’s feeling relief knowing one daughter he thought he buried is alive, but he’s also having to accept one is still gone.
It’s just not the one he thought he lost.
And knowing it all resulted from him being lied to…it’s both a cutting betrayal and a heavy burden.
“Don’t tell Mom. Not yet. This isn’t over,” I admit.
His head snaps in my direction. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t remember everything, but the person who caused this is still walking free. It wasn’t an accident. They may try to finish what they started. I don’t need anyone knowing what I remember. If it got out…”
His brows furrow in concern. “What do you need from me?”
“Time. Time to fix what I can. But I need to do it alone.”
“How do you expect me to sit back when I know you might be in danger?” he asks through gritted teeth.
“Because I’m asking you to. No one else gets hurt because of me. I promise, if I think I’m in over my head at any time, you’ll be my first call. No more lies. But for now, I need you to trust me.”
“Lennon.”
“You can’t call me that. It’s not safe,” I tell him.
He shoves his hands furiously through his salt-and-pepper hair. “You can’t tie my hands like this.”
“I’m a grown woman, Dad. I can do anything I want or need to do.
Maybe if I hadn’t tried to hide Dash from you, none of this would’ve happened.
I’m not a little girl anymore,” I say firmly with my chin held high even though my heart is slamming in my chest. I didn’t bring him here to disrespect or challenge him, but I’m toeing the line.
Lincoln Tyler isn’t used to taking orders from anyone; he gives them.
“Lennon Shay Tyler. You may be in your thirties, but I’m still your father. And your boss. Be very careful what you say,” he says.
“You can’t fix this for me. You can’t protect me from this.”
“You’re damn right I can’t if you keep me in the dark,” he booms loudly.
“I’ll run if I have to, Dad. Don’t force me to.
I love you and I know you think you know best. But you need to trust me to live my own life.
You can’t control something you love, or you’ll lose it,” I say firmly even though my throat burns with unshed tears.
“Drive fast, heart steady, live free,” I say as I swallow down the lump in my throat.
He takes my face in his hands and studies me silently.
“You can’t expect me to live any other way than how you taught me,” I say.
He kisses my forehead and pulls me into the protective circle of his embrace.