Chapter 36
DASH
Three months later…
Ihaven’t been nervous about a race since—I don’t know—maybe never. But this is Lennon’s first one since she ran in Nashville. All I can see in my head is the pain she was in after that race. Pain she tried to mask from the hungry eyes eating her up as she was just trying to survive.
And this one is making me feel anxious. What if she’s still not ready? Shoulder injures like hers take time to fully heal, if there’s even a remote possibility they can. What if she’s pushing too hard and she faces a major setback because of it?
Not to mention, she’s still healing from the accident that wrecked us all in the first place.
True, those physical injures might be akin to a dull ache now, but they’re still very much lurking beneath the surface.
The mental wreckage left behind though, it’s very much alive and hovering like a dark cloud.
Lincoln won’t tell me a lot. Enough for me to know she’s doing good.
He thinks I’m being an idiot. So does pretty much everyone else.
But I know staying away from her is best. Safest for her.
I’ve allowed myself to wave from a distance when we’ve attended the same meetings and events, because in the racing world, I’ll never be able to escape her presence.
Hell, even if I could physically stay away from her, her memory would call to me like a whisper in the wind or an echo on the water.
She’s part of me, and I’ll never be rid of her…
I’d never want to be. The feel of her lips against mine lingers like dewdrops on flower petals in the morning.
She’s still mine in my dreams. Loving her has been one of my greatest joys—heartbreak and all.
This race is one hundred laps on a track meant to test a driver’s strengths and abilities behind the wheel.
She’s always handled it beautifully, coasting along the pavement like she was in a world of her own.
But her doing it now, so soon, feels like she’s trying to prove something she doesn’t need to.
She’s already proven to us all—to the world—she’s a survivor.
She won against all the odds meant to crush her.
If I had to guess, she’s trying to prove several things to several people, herself included. Herself probably most of all. Racing this race, and maybe even winning it, would be the ultimate comeback story.
It’s almost time for all drivers to line up. Instinctively, I search for her and come up empty. I try to shake it off and get situated in my own car when my sister’s voice breaks through the comms in my ear.
“She’s here, Dash. I saw you looking for her,” she says.
“I was just getting a feel for everyone. I wasn’t looking for anyone in particular,” I reply quickly to try and avoid talking about the woman I loved and lost.
“You can’t bullshit me, Dash. I’m not just your manager or someone on your team, I’m your sister. I know you better than almost anybody else in the world. But, if that’s how you want to play it, then so be it,” she says.
I ignore the jab. “Are Mom and Dad in their suite?” I ask, steering the conversation to something safer.
I can’t risk my emotions clouding my focus in this race.
I need to have my eyes wide open and keep my breathing steady.
And I know what will happen if my thoughts center on Lennon for too long.
I’ll lick up every drop of attention she pours in my direction.
I’ll drown in her eyes the same way, and I won’t even try to surface.
The ties that have always bound our hearts together will start pulling.
And I’ll have to resist that much harder.
All drivers are taking their place on the grid and that’s when I feel her. Her car rolls to a stop beside mine. I’ve got my helmet on, but she doesn’t yet. She picks hers up and glances my way. The look in her eyes is more conflicted than I’ve ever seen it before.
She looks torn between excitement and something else I can’t place. It’s like a part of her is missing since our last face-to-face encounter at Tyler Motorsports the day her dad hosted her welcome back party.
Last call for the race to start is announced and she tears her gaze from mine before putting on her helmet. The pace car leads us all out for the first five laps before the green flag starts waving, signaling the race has started.
I don’t focus on anything but my own car and take off, tires flying under me. I can’t focus on anything else, especially Lennon, or I’ll screw this race up for both of us.
An hour later, the race is still going. We’re on lap fifty-two and that’s when it happens. Another car ends up sideways after they lose a tire to a blowout. I check my rearview mirror, and Lennon is fast approaching as the out-of-control car spins toward her.
At almost the last second, she pulls threshold braking, causing her to skid for a few seconds before making a sharp turn, evading a collision and out of harm’s way of the spinning car and back on course with the race.
It cost her some time, but if all else goes smooth, she’ll catch up. She’s doing good in this race…at least on the outside. I can’t see her to tell if she’s shaken right now, or if she’s still driving with a steady hand.
As we near the final laps of the race another hour or so later, Lennon’s car is still close by. We’re both in the top ten right now, but it’s time to tighten up. She must agree, because she closes in on me and I smile. That’s my Valkyrie.
The white flag comes out, signaling the final lap of the race. I’m in first and Lennon is close by in third. Until she’s not. She’s on my left and we’re neck and neck. I glance from her to the track in front of me and see the black-and-white checkered flag waving us in to cross the finish line.
It only takes one unfocused moment for her to gain ground and cross the finish line about a second or two before me, earning her this win. Her comeback race. I can’t even be upset in the slightest because she worked hard for this win.
She burns out a time or two as she makes her way down victory lane where she’ll celebrate and do a few interviews before her post-race inspection.
I can still see her as she exits her car and her parents are the first to greet her, followed by Hendrix. They all give her hugs. I can even see Troy and Dillan with them. I rev up my engine as I pass the display before pulling back in to where my pit crew and team wait for me.
My sister greets me first.
“Did you let her win, Dash?” she asks with a smirk.
I can’t help but smile back at her. “Nope. That was all her.”
“Aren’t you going to congratulate her? Y’all haven’t spoken since her welcome back party even though you’ve been in the same places since. Waving from across the room doesn’t count,” she adds before I can argue.
I can still see her from where I got out of my car moments ago being interviewed by reporters.
She looks both elated and agitated. I’m unsure which emotion she’ll let take control until Hendrix walks over to stand with her, slinging an arm around her slim shoulder protectively causing me to glance back at Audrey while grinding my molars together.
“I think she has all the attention she needs right now. She doesn’t need mine,” I tell her as I start to stalk away from my car to the Full Tilt Racing team and sponsors waiting to prep me for the award ceremony where I’ll be forced to stand beside Lennon.
“You are so stupid, Dash,” Audrey shouts behind me.
I whirl around and face her—my nose within inches of hers.
“Stay out of my business, Audrey,” I grit out between clenched teeth.
Audrey has never been one to back down from a fight, especially not from me, her big brother.
“You need to open your eyes and look at yourself in the mirror. What has gotten into you? You’re a shadow of who you used to be.
The Dash I know would never give up on Lennon.
Your relationship with her has been building for years.
She’s the only person who’s ever been able to both tame you and drive you to push your limits at the same time.
And you’re just going to walk away from her like she never meant anything to you? ”
I swallow hard. “She means everything. She deserves everything. Don’t you understand?
I’m walking away from her to give her the chance to soar.
She was in danger in part because of me.
We’ve always been dangerous to each other because of the way we push and pull when we’re together.
She’s had enough danger to last a lifetime, Audrey.
Now, she deserves something safe. A sure bet.
And he’s standing beside her as she climbs back to the top,” I say as I turn and leave my sister speechless.
But not for long because she catches up and pushes her palm against my chest to make me stop.
“It’s a pretty tough pill to swallow,” she says.
I sigh as I take my gloves off and shove them inside my racing suit pocket.
“What?”
“Learning your hero is nothing but a damn coward who’s too afraid to fight for what he knows is his,” she says as she clutches a clipboard to her chest.
This time, it’s me who’s speechless.
“You both let rumors fly for years, but you’ve never stepped out together. You let everyone wonder what could be instead of embracing what you should be.”
“We’re on different teams. Our families and sponsors wouldn’t have allowed us to embrace anything, no matter how we feel. You’re just reminding me of yet another reason my decision is the best one for us both,” I tell her.
“You almost lost her…for good. You held on to her being alive when no one else thought she was. Now that she’s here, breathing the same air, heart beating out of control at the sight of seeing you again, you’re going to let the lame excuses you think you have cut the ties still connecting you?”
It’s Audrey’s turn to walk away now, but before she does, I stop her.
“Even if all those things are true, she’s always with him now,” I say referring to Hendrix.
“And? How do you know he’s not just a good friend?” she asks.
“He’s more than that, Audrey. I see how he looks at her. And I know things happened between them before she remembered she was Lennon,” I say over the fiery pit of jealousy in my stomach.
“Yet you told me one drunken night at your house in the middle of all this that she remembered loving you even when she didn’t remember her own name.”
She taps my chest with her finger.
“Her heart remembered you even when her brain didn’t. It means something, Dash. It might even mean whatever went down between them wasn’t what you think it was. So, wake up, get your head out of your ass and fix this.”