Chapter 37
LENNON
Once the interviews are done, well…for the most part, myself and the second- and third-place winners are directed to take the stage to receive our awards and recognition.
“I’m so proud of you, Lennon. Now get out there and shine like the star you’ve always been,” Dad says as he hugs me tight.
Mom hugs me too and then kisses my cheek before wiping a tear from under her eye. She’s missing London in this moment of victory as much as I am. I don’t know how to fully embrace this win without her. Bittersweet doesn’t even begin to describe this moment.
But for weeks now, my name has been mentioned in every news outlet and social media platform. The whole world, even those not typically racing fans, has become invested in my climb back to the top. Most have cheered me on; some have equally hoped I’d fall and stay down.
My name has carried the weight of my father’s legacy and now my own has become bigger and heavier than I ever imagined possible. I love racing. Love…loved. It’s still very much who I am, but without London and without Dash I’m not sure any of it matters. Who am I creating this legacy for?
I glance back at my team as my parents usher me toward the back of the stage and see Troy and Dillan standing with Hendrix. They all wave me on and Hendrix winks at me before I turn around.
That’s when I collide with Dash. My heart is jarred by how close he stands to me, his hands gripping my arms, so I don’t fall. His dark eyes hold me captive as he realizes he’s holding on to me and all too soon he releases me.
My arms immediately miss the feel of his fingertips on my skin. How pathetic am I? He’s made it painfully clear over the last few months that he’s moved on. He said we were done, and he’s made no effort to talk to me during all this time I’ve been rebuilding myself.
And if that weren’t enough of a slap in the face, there’s always someone hovering near him even though he seems to pay them no attention. His eyes, when he looks into mine, may tell one story, but he’s made it painfully clear he’s not interested in adding any more chapters to the book of us.
At my welcome back surprise party, I was determined to reclaim that part of my life and my heart.
I was ready to go full throttle with him; real-world consequences be damned.
Because it was one of London’s last pieces of advice to me.
Our love would show up and show out. She said chasing one another would be a race we’d both win.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him. But I know now, what I feared all along is true. Sometimes love isn’t enough. There certainly can’t be a relationship when only one of you is willing to fight for it. I can’t make someone try who doesn’t want to.
What I do know is even though I see his love for me reflected in his eyes, his actions and his absence scream as loudly as a midnight train.
“Congratulations, Valkyrie. You did it,” he says as the corners of his lips tip up just a bit.
“Thanks. You almost had me right up until the end though.”
“Almost,” he says and the tone in his voice is heavy like he isn’t talking about the race at all.
We stare in silence for about a minute more before the third-place winner, Mack Elliot, breaks the trance by shaking hands with Dash and then swinging me around in a playful hug.
“Lennon Tyler! What a comeback, girl! I’m so proud of you. Glad you’re back on the track,” he says.
“Yeah, thanks, Mack. Congratulations to you too,” I tell him.
He glances between me and Dash.
“You two are a powerhouse out there. Hard to make first or second when y’all are my competition.
I know y’all are on opposing teams, but man, if you weren’t.
Y’all are like couple goals. Always thought you were a thing under everyone’s radar,” he says as he grins and shakes his head before his sponsor calls his name.
“If only the world saw what we almost had, I guess,” I say under my breath.
“What?” Dash asks with a furrowed brow.
“Nothing, they’re calling you,” I say as the announcers call us out.
I see Audrey, Dash’s sister, off to the side and she waves at me just as my name is called.
Mack and Dash are both standing on the podium when they finally call my name and I stand just a bit higher than them in the center. The cameras flash and people move through the crowd to get a better look.
Bodies are dancing to the music now playing and confetti makes it hard to see. I turn to look at Dash and a girl runs from the crowd, jumping into his arms nearly tackling him before security can pull her away.
I feel Mack’s hand on my arm as he shouts through the noise. “Are you okay, Lennon?”
Dash’s hard stare cuts through my chest as he watches me. I see lipstick on his neck and beside his lips from whoever that girl was. Once again, he didn’t act like he wanted her, but who knows what he does when he leaves a race. There’s a high…a rush.
I know how we used to work it out. We’d find somewhere to have sex until we were out of energy. And we always acted like we didn’t want each other for the public eye. Now that he’s done with me, I’m sure he’s not being celibate in memory of what we had.
I turn and look at Mack. “Yeah, I’m all right. I just need to get out of here,” I tell him.
He nods. “Say no more. I’ll get you back to your team.
They’re hungry for a story and whatever else they can get their hands on.
They forget we’re real people with real thoughts and feelings.
We’ve all been caught in the crosshairs of unwanted attention.
Unfortunately, it’s a deadlier truth for you than most people, but it can happen to all of us in different forms. Remember that,” he says as he ushers me through the crowd with care and to the backstage area again.
“What do you mean?” I ask, genuinely confused.
“The rumors weren’t just rumors, Lennon.
We all knew what was happening between you and Dash under the radar.
None of us were dumb enough to let on we knew for fear of exposing you to your sponsors.
We know what our teams expect from us, but they can’t dictate how we live our lives outside of our race cars.
Not really, anyway. We all give them more power than we should.
They want to separate all of us, but we’re one big, tangled network they’ll never understand.
A win for one of us is a win for all of us.
And you, Lennon Tyler, you and your story are paving the way for the rest of us.
” He pauses and runs his hand down his short beard.
“Look, I saw that girl just now and I saw the hurt in your eyes after he looked at you. Don’t assume to be true things you don’t know to be,” he says.
“Meaning?”
He sighs as he sees our teams heading toward us. “Not everything is what you think it is simply because it looks a certain way. Just…clear the air before you let the heartbreak in your chest take over and do the driving for you.”
He tips my chin up and kisses my cheek. “No matter what team we’re all on, I’ve got your back. It’s important you know who your friends are, especially after what you’ve been through. I’m a friend, Lennon. And I hope you take my advice. I’m rooting for you,” he says before he walks away.
My parents are talking with some of our sponsors and reporters, so I turn the other way still mulling over what Mack told me. That’s when I see Dash from a distance. His arms hang by his sides as he stares at me.
I tip my chin up, not giving away my aching heart. I’m standing my ground. He comes closer and closer until he’s standing in front of me. His chest rises and falls with each breath, and his scent invades my senses.
I close my eyes and take this moment for myself. I reach out and touch his chest just over where his heart is beating. I allow myself to feel our connection until someone calls my name in the distance.
“I believed you when you said you knew it was me even though I didn’t know myself. You said you knew me. What is it you don’t know about me now?” I ask.
I hear my name being called again, this time, it’s close by.
Dash’s lips part as if he’s about to answer me, but Hendrix appears at my side.
“Hey, are you okay? You looked like you saw a ghost out there,” he says, not seeming to care that Dash is standing so close to me.
“I’m fine. I need to get out of here though. I think I’ve endured enough for one night,” I say while still staring into Dash’s dark eyes. His short hair is spiked, but messy from wearing his helmet.
His penetrating gaze flicks from my eyes to my lips and back again as his jaw muscles flex.
I lean in close enough to whisper in his ear while keeping my hand firmly on his chest. “Do you still feel me in here? Or do you just feel the loss of me now?”
I pull back and his fists clench at his sides, but he remains silent as my eyes swim with tears. I turn away before he can see them fall and leave this place that was once filled with so much happiness for me without glancing back at anyone.
I head straight to the room I got dressed in and slam the door shut behind me. I’m in the middle of trying to pull my shirt over my head when I hear the door open and close.
“Do you need help?”
“No, I’m fine, Hendrix.”
“I can help you with your shoulder,” he says as he watches me from the mirror in front of me.
I glance at my shoulder and see the scars that are still angry looking because I haven’t slowed down long enough to heal properly.
“I know you’re just trying to help me, but the hurt I need fixed, you can’t touch. Just like I can’t fix yours for you. I’m sorry. I know it’s painful for you to see me and still catch glimpses of her in me,” I say.
He hangs his head, and I walk toward him. I take his face in my hands. “I’m not her, Hendrix. You’ve got to let me go so you can let her go. You deserve to move on and find a new love untouched by this wreckage.”
He grabs my hands. “I’m so lost, Lennon. I don’t want to lose you too.”
“You won’t lose me, Hendrix. I’ll always be here.
But whatever you think you feel for me isn’t real, not like what you felt for London.
You and I both know that. And please hear me and believe me when I say I love you…
but I love you because you loved my sister so well.
And you took such good care of me. But you and I both need to ground ourselves to accept what’s happened.
I don’t think we can move on until we do that… separately.”
He nods.
“I’m a phone call away though. You’re not alone. Let’s just give ourselves some time.”
“Same here. Day or night,” he says right before he kisses my forehead.
He starts to leave but I stop him.
“Hendrix…”
He turns to look at me from the doorway.
“You’re the best. You deserve the world and all the happiness in it,” I say.
“So do you, Lennon. We’ll talk soon,” he says with a wave.
Then, I’m alone again. I manage to change shirts and pull on my jeans and my sneakers before sliding into my old leather jacket. I grab my keys and take off. There’s someone I need to see before I can even think of trying to sleep.