Chapter 20
Ulysses
Careful not to wake Ruadan, I slipped out of bed and tiptoed out of the bedroom across the cold floor, closing the door softly behind me.
The house was still unfamiliar to me, so it was impossible to dodge the creaky spots, but I was learning its rhythm.
My own scent had already begun to mesh with Rue’s, a comforting feeling of home sinking into the wood and glass and metal that made up the structure around me.
I’d barely slept an hour since we crawled into bed.
You’d think I would be exhausted after the emotional rollercoaster of finding out I was pregnant, not to mention our celebratory marathon sex.
But there were still so many what-ifs spiraling through me.
Would we live here together? What kind of father would I be?
When would Apate come for us—because there was no question in my mind that she would one day—and how would I protect a child from her?
All these possibilities were tugging me in all directions, until it felt like being caught in the eye of a raging storm, just waiting for the wind to pick up and tear me apart.
I tried to remain focused on the things I had control over.
I found my feet carrying me down the hall to the spare bedroom—the nursery, a tiny voice in my head suggested.
At this moment, it was as bland as the rest of the house, almost entirely devoid of personality.
I’d asked Rue why he hadn’t decorated, and he’d frowned, looked around, and said, “I thought I did.” I wouldn’t change everything, I told him, but he’d simply kissed me and told me to have at it.
Clover green, I thought, imagining the color on the nursery walls, like Rue’s eyes. The nursery furniture in a bright, crisp white. I had some trinkets back at my apartment that would look lovely in here, as long as Rue didn’t object to the priceless artifacts. He probably thought they were cursed.
Chuckling, I stepped over to the window that looked out over the moon-drenched backyard, a fenced-in square of trimmed grass that I decided would look perfect with a swing set and a sandbox. And maybe a dog…
As much as I tried to keep my thoughts focused on the here and now, half my brain was still lingering on Rue’s purge.
Gods, I probably shouldn’t have found that so sexy.
His lustful sins were still swirling inside me, leaving me flushed and horny.
It was no wonder sleep evaded me. I could easily go another ten rounds with him right now.
I’d never purged a living soul before, hadn’t seen the point.
There was a certain sense of danger, the way it had felt so tenuous, as if it wouldn’t have taken much to just…
snip those threads holding his soul in place, but Rue hadn’t even hesitated to place his life in my hands.
My abilities had always been entwined with death, but this…
was so full of life! It was so different—better, obviously—but maybe that had to do with it being my mate.
My feet took me back out to the hallway, on an unplanned nighttime expedition to the parts of the house I hadn’t yet explored. Without intending to, my nose naturally followed my mate’s scent to the concentration of it coming from his office.
As I pushed open the door, the last of the night’s moonlight spilling through the window and across his wide desk, outlining it all in rose-tinted silver, and I found myself crossing the room to sit in his leather chair.
Clicking on the small lamp revealed a messy desktop strewn with papers.
I told myself it wasn’t snooping if I didn’t go through his drawers.
Besides, there was enough to read lying right here on top.
Feeling only mildly guilty, I walked my fingers across the file on the desk, but it was nothing terribly interesting, just a case investigating a business partner for fraud. Under that was an invitation printed on expensive black paper for a soul auction, whatever that was. And at the bottom…
My heart lurched to a stop when my eyes fell on a copy of The Mischief Daily at the bottom of the pile.
There was a post-it note stuck on it that said: Told you!
I’d never paid much attention to the gossip rag, usually displayed at the grocery store checkout, but it was open to a large photo with the headline: Is Valleywood’s Hottest Bachelor Off the Market?
The hottest bachelor in question was apparently the district attorney, Rue’s friend Mal.
The photo showed the man looking darkly serious in a sexy way in a bespoke suit, but that wasn’t what drew my attention.
My eyes were glued to the man he was with.
Rue. My mate. Smiling at the DA from across a table where they were sharing an intimate meal.
I scanned the brief article, speculating about the hotshot lawyer’s new beau, seen sharing a cozy breakfast together, “the sexual tension palpable.” I found it hard to swallow.
It was probably years old—but when I checked the date on the paper, it was from just last month.
My chest got tighter. It was just gossip, that didn’t make it true.
Maybe it was AI? It looked real, but what did that even mean these days?
Stomach churning and acid burning the back of my throat, I put it all back the way I’d found it and shuffled back to bed.
My mind lingered on the way Rue affectionately called him Mal, how he’d been smiling at him in the magazine photo.
Rue had said he didn’t love Mal, and I’d believed him, but that didn’t mean they hadn’t been physical.
I groaned, clenching my eyes tight. Gods, I hated myself so much right now. Why couldn’t I let myself be happy? Just because I’d been betrayed before—again and again—that didn’t mean it would happen now. I needed to trust my mate. He deserved that for how much trust he’d placed in me.
My skin was chilled with a clammy sweat, and as I crawled back under the sheets, Rue rolled over and reached for me without even opening his eyes. “There you are…” he murmured in his sleep, tucking me in against him.
It’s real, I repeated to myself. What we have is real.
I lay there, clinging to his arm draped around my waist, without even bothering to try for sleep.
I was still awake half an hour later when there was a knock at the front door.
Who would be coming by this early? “Rue?” I whispered, nudging his shoulder.
He grunted, so I tried again. “Rue, there’s someone at the door. ”
His eyes peeled open, deep green in this dim light, grounding me instantly. “What time is it?”
“Almost six.”
Nodding, he rolled out of bed. “Stay here,” he said, pulling on a pair of sweats. He left the door open just a crack, and I sat up in bed, listening. It wouldn’t be Apate, I reasoned. She wouldn’t bother to knock. But that didn’t mean it was safe.
Through the house, I heard the lock disengage, the door pulled open. Then a murmur of voices. Whoever it was, they didn’t sound angry. More familiar. Intimate, even.
Assuming it was safe, I moved from the bed to the doorway, opening it wide enough that I could stick my head out into the hall and listen.
“…leveled the whole block. Three deaths reported so far, but as firefighters put out the blaze, they’re expecting that number to go up.
” I knew that voice. It was Lagamal. He sighed.
“We don’t even know where she got the material to make the bomb, but if she has more, things could escalate pretty quickly. ”
“Fuck. This is bad, Mal. It seems she isn’t as content as we thought to lie low.”
“No shit,” he murmured tightly, and I pictured the man, his handsome face chiseled with concern.
“The police are completely useless against a goddess, and if we’re not careful, you know the government will end up getting involved, which never ends well for the humans caught in the crossfire.
Even if we hire supernaturals to deal with her, she’s too hard to track down.
We can’t just wait for her to screw up. We need to lure her out somehow, flush her out. ”
“How the fuck—?” Ruadan snapped, before wrestling his voice into a harsh whisper. “We don’t even know what she wants!”
“That’s your job,” Lagamal said harshly. “You’re the gods-blessed spy, aren’t you? So prove it.” And in the silence that followed, I could sense the pressure my mate was taking on. The burden of responsibility.
As they said their farewells, I tucked myself back into bed, making myself as small as I could, arms curled around my knees. Apate was a threat. People were dying, and she needed to be stopped.
Ruadan came back to bed and slipped in behind me, tugging me across the mattress to wrap his body around mine. “You should get some more sleep,” he murmured, kissing the back of my neck. “Our baby will take a lot out of you.”
“What did Lagamal have to say?” I asked, inviting a conversation about everything he’d heard.
Instead of sharing the burden with me, though, he said, “Nothing to worry about. Mal and I will handle it. We always do.” If I hadn’t overheard their conversation, I would never have guessed there was anything wrong. His face was relaxed as he ran his hands languidly through my hair.
A practiced liar, I realized with sinking unease.
“You and Lagamal…” I began. “You’ve known each other a long time?”
“Oh, you know, just a millennium or so.”
“And nothing ever… you know, grew between you?”
“What? Like, romantically?” He seemed genuinely confused by my question, and if I hadn’t just seen him lie without blinking, I might’ve felt guilty for even asking. “No, never. What makes you ask that? Feeling a little jealous?”
I let my gaze drift down to his chest where I played with his hair. “I’m sorry, I just… Is it too early in my pregnancy to blame hormones?”
He laughed and pulled me closer. “You can ask anything you like. Always.”
But what if asking wasn’t enough? Not if I couldn’t trust the answers he gave me.
I felt sick for even thinking it. We were bonded mates.
Of course he was devoted to me. Even if they’d had something in the past, it wasn’t my business.
For a life as long as he’d lived, it wouldn’t be fair of me to expect him not to have lovers in his past. Unease twisted in my gut.
Even as Rue pulled me closer, kissing the side of my neck, I felt something in the bond, something…
deceptive. He was trying to distract me, and so help me, I let him get away with it.
I could smell the deception on him, as clear as any sin, and it made me sick. I should confront him, but in my experience, alphas didn’t like to be called on their lies, and I was in no mood to fight.
Unable to mask my emotions, I rolled away from him and pulled the blanket up to my nose. “You know what? I think you’re right. I’m still pretty tired. You go ahead and eat breakfast without me. I’m still full from last night,” I told him, burying my stinging eyes into my pillow.
What had I gotten myself into, mating a man I barely knew?