24. Daddy, I Need To Pee
Daddy, I Need To Pee
Cara
‘Oh, my god,’ Missy says, an almost seductive tone to her voice. ‘Are you my sugar mama now?’
I stayed with Doris for a couple of nights, and it was amazing, but telling a nice old lady in detail about what happened with Doug didn’t seem quite right. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to his sisters about it, but I did need to talk about it, so I booked a couple of nights in a spa hotel and invited Missy along for some girl time.
I laugh. ‘You tell me what you need, sweetheart, and I’m sure we can come to some arrangement.’
Missy cackles as she links her arm through mine, and we make our way through the ridiculously fancy lobby.
‘Damn, you’re good at this. That almost made my kitty purr.’
A couple of months ago, I wouldn’t have even got that joke. Now, I laugh and realize that being here with a real true friend is the warm hug I so desperately need.
We check into our room, change into swimwear and robes and head down to the spa. The jacuzzi is empty, so we make a beeline straight for it and sink happily into the bubbling water.
‘So, you want to tell me what this is all about?’ Missy asks after a while, and I shrug.
‘I just needed to get away for a while.’
‘Because…’
‘Because…’ I take a deep breath. ‘Something happened with Doug.’
Missy looks around us before sliding closer on the seat, her wide glee-filled eyes intense as she seeks out gossip.
‘Did you fuck him?’ God, she’s so excited that I almost want to say yes. Instead, I bat tears from my eyes as I tell her what actually happened and await her response.
‘I’m going to kick his ass. You know that, right? I’m coming back to Forest Falls with you, and I’m going to lodge my stiletto wearing foot firmly up his stupid ass.’
I can’t help but laugh. She’s so good for the soul.
‘I just feel like an idiot. I mean, it was nothing, not really. God, the girls I went to school with were getting fingered multiple times a week by spotty teenage boys, but it just felt significant—it felt intimate. It was the most intimate moment of my life, and he just left.’
‘You’re not an idiot, Cara. I get it.’ She squeezes my bicep lightly. ‘Also, props for saying fingered without flinching.’ I laugh again.
‘Oh, Missy. Why do you have to live so far away?’ I pout. I really do wish she was closer.
‘Well, if Forest Falls had a hair salon where I could get a job, I could move, but the ladies there are happy driving an hour for their blowouts, apparently.’
‘Really, you would move?’
‘I can’t live where I can’t work, Cara.’
I start to consider it. Doris told me to invest and find something to do with my days, and maybe I just did.
The spa was incredible. Unfortunately, we had to cut the stay short when Missy’s ex called to say her son wanted his mom. She explained that he only got that way when his dad got bored of taking care of him and started suggesting that they call her to come to get him. I could have stayed the second night as planned, but I decided to drive home instead.
As I drive up to the house, my heart starts to hammer inside my chest. He said I could move in, so I wanted to check that before packing up the cabin, but now the thought of seeing him makes me want to throw up.
I reach the drive and pull to a stop just as Doug walks around the side of the house carrying some wood—his tool belt hung low on his hips but, thankfully, a shirt on. His steps falter a little as he notices my car, and I hesitate before climbing out. Then I notice that he’s put the wood down and is looking around anxiously, flicking his attention between me and the house.
‘I thought you weren’t back until tomorrow,’ he says, stepping toward me, and I swallow hard as I walk toward the house.
‘Change of plan.’
‘It’s just, well, I…’
‘Daddy, I need to pee.’
The little voice coming from my porch causes Doug’s shoulders to drop and his head to hang a little. Daddy? He has a child… how did I not know that?
‘Cara, I’m sorry. I had nobody else to watch her today.’
I hear the regret in his tone—he feels guilty for having his daughter at the house. The daughter now stomping toward me.
‘Who are you?’ she asks sweetly, and I can’t help but smile—she’s so cute. She looks up at me with big brown eyes, her two little pigtail plaits in her brown hair, a pretty contrast to her grass-stained jeans and t-shirt.
‘Bo, manners,’ Doug says firmly, and she holds out her little hand to me.
‘Hello, I’m Bowie Campbell. I’m four and a half years old.’
I lower my knee to the grass to come to eye level with the little girl and take her hand.
‘Hello, Bowie. I’m Cara, and do you want to know a secret?’
Her brown eyes sparkle as she nods, and I lean in, lowering my voice.
‘It’s my birthday today.’
‘It is?’ She beams, and I nod, yes.
‘Yeah. I’m thirty. That’s really old, isn’t it?’
She giggles and covers her mouth with her hand, then leans in to whisper in my ear.
‘Not as old as my dad.’ I chuckle at the mischief in the little mite. ‘You sound like Merida.’
I grin. ‘I do, don’t I? I’m not as cool as her, though. I can’t shoot arrows, and my mum is not a bear.’ She laughs. ‘But, we come from the same place.’
Her shoulders come up to her ears as excitement pours out of her that I know who Merida is. The Scottish Disney princess? You better believe I know her.
‘Bo, do you need to go to the bathroom, honey?’ Doug asks, and the panic straightens her expression as she seems to remember she’s pretty desperate.
‘Come on.’ He sweeps her up into his arms and carries her toward his truck.
‘Where are you taking her?’ I ask, and he looks behind his truck, and I glare at him. ‘Don’t be ridiculous. The bathroom is installed and working, right?’ He nods, and I roll my eyes, then point to the house. ‘Take her inside.’
I stand and watch as the man I was so worried about seeing carries the daughter I didn’t know he had into the house I’m yet to move into, and I shake my head. How my life has changed.
‘I’ll take her home. I’ll make up the hours tomorrow,’ he says when they come back downstairs and meet me in the kitchen. I shrug.
‘Up to you. Having her here is not a problem as long as it’s safe for her.’
He eyes me curiously for a moment.
‘Merida,’ Bowie says as she pulls on my shirt, and I crouch down to her. ‘Do you want to read my books with me?’
My heart melts, and I look back up at Doug. ‘Do you need to leave, or do you still have work you want to do today?’
‘I don’t want to impose.’
‘That’s not what I asked.’
He inhales deeply and huffs it out.
‘I have stuff to do. The flooring for the other bedrooms is coming in tomorrow, so there’s prep I need to get done.’
‘Then get it done. Bowie can show me these books of hers.’ I smile at the little girl.
‘Cara…’
‘Get back to work, Doug. You’re interrupting girl time.’ I wink at Bowie and let her take my hand to lead me back to her little blanket set up on the porch.
‘Thank you for being so understanding. She likes you,’ Doug says after strapping Bowie into her car seat and closing the door. I nod and step back.
‘It’s fine.’ I hear the change in my tone. Gone is the playful Disney princess I’ve been all afternoon. Instead, I’m wary, protective—risk-averse.
‘Okay.’ He nods just once, then climbs in his truck and drives off, and I turn to look at the house. My house. The house I can move into.
With a soft smile curving my lips, I make my way back inside and head upstairs.
I had a sofa and a bed delivered to the house as well as some bedding and a few other essentials to get me started. I’m ready to get to work setting it all up, but when I reach the bedroom, I’m stunned to find the bed not only built but made. The pillows cased, the duvet covered. Did he do this? No, he must have brought his sisters up or something. My stomach twists and knots uncomfortably, and my throat tightens because deep down, I know his sisters didn’t do this, and it all just confuses me even more.
I pack up my things from the cabin and load up my car before handing the key back to Zoe and paying the outstanding amount, then drive up to the house. I sit in the car on the drive staring up at the work-in-progress. It’s home. I just hope it starts to feel like it soon.
Inside, I potter around, put the few things I had with me away, and clean a bit. I knew I was moving into a work site, so I’d have to make my peace with dust, but I still want to do what I can.
I have a glass of wine and some toast, then head up to take a blissfully high-pressured shower and change.
I don’t have a tv yet, or Wi-Fi, so my entertainment options are limited. I plug my phone in and play some music while I sit at the kitchen island to look over the catalogs that Doug had left out and tabbed with Post-Its for the decisions I still need to make.
I try to decide between almost identical doors, bathtubs, and paving slabs, but I can’t focus. I haven’t been able to focus for days. My mind always drifts back to how it felt to open my eyes and be completely alone, and the hurt starts all over again.