13. Leo
Chapter 13
Leo
I wake after the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had, with Kai’s face against my back and his hand resting lightly on my shoulder. My breath catches in my throat. Is he awake?
“Kai?” I keep my voice quiet, barely a whisper.
He doesn’t move. Asleep, then. We slept on opposite edges of the bed but must have gravitated towards the middle during the night. I’m still facing away from Kai. I should move, but his hand is warm, and the gentle press of his cheek against my spine is oddly comforting.
He was beautiful to watch last night when he was dancing. Graceful, carefree, and happy. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. Did he notice? I saw the second exhaustion hit him and didn’t hesitate to go to him. Everyone must have seen us accidentally slow-dancing. My aunt and cousin must be even more convinced we’re a couple than they were before. Being so close to him was nice. Is nice. I can’t deny it. This stunning, spirited man who knows me well and calls me his sun.
Stop it.
He’s an angel.
I shouldn’t be having these thoughts.
“Kai.” I put my hand on his and gently shake it.
“Oh, hey.” His voice is quiet and sleepy. “Sorry.” The bedclothes rustle. He moves away.
My shoulder and back become cold. “No, it’s okay.” I roll over to face him. “Are you feeling better?”
He smiles brightly. “Much better, thank you. I’ll go.”
I widen my eyes. “Go?”
“Get out of the bed.”
I rest my hand on the mattress between us. “Don’t.”
He frowns but doesn’t move.
I’m captivated by him. His hair is sticking up in all directions. A few strands flop in his eyes.
“Let me get this straight. As an angel, you don’t need to eat, shower, or brush your teeth, but you still get bed hair?” I say.
Kai laughs. “Why wouldn’t I? I slept all night, didn’t I? It would be cool to have perfect hair, though, like those people in shampoo commercials.” He runs his hand through his hair, making it worse. “Anyway, you can’t talk. You have bed hair too.”
“I always have bed hair.” My curls are untameable.
“True. It’s cute.”
My heart does a weird fluttering thing. “Are you fully recharged now? ”
“Yup. I’m ready and raring to go and be visible around everyone at breakfast.”
“We don’t have to go yet.”
Kai narrows his eyes playfully. “Are you sure?”
“Honestly? I have no clue. I haven’t checked the time.”
“But you’re comfy?”
I nod.
“This bed is amazing.”
I smile. “It is.”
Kai gasps. “Why, Leo, are you trying to keep me in bed?”
My cheeks flush with heat. Am I?
He wrinkles his nose. “Too much?”
“N-no. It’s fun when you joke around. You’re fun.” I shuffle a little closer and pat his head.
He smiles and half closes his eyes, his expression so content it melts my heart. I rest my hand on his head and ruffle his hair, expecting him to purr. But he’s a person right now, not a cat, so he can’t. He stares at me, eyes sparkling beneath his heavy lids. What am I doing? I should stop messing with his hair, but I like doing it. I like that it’s making him happy. I like how he’s gazing at me like I’m the centre of his universe. His sun. His freckles are adorable. They’re denser over his nose, fading almost to nothingness at the outer edges of his cheeks. His lips are plump. Kissable. What am I doing? What am I thinking?
“Kai.” My voice is strangled.
“Yeah?” His is soft and sweet .
“You were amazing yesterday.”
He blushes. “I didn’t do anything special.”
“You did. You were the perfect plus-one. I don’t know how to thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me, but if you want to, more head pats would be good.”
I pat his head.
He grins.
“Is that all?” I ask.
“A hug would be good. I like being in your arms. You cuddled me a lot when you thought I was a cat.” His blush deepens. “Forget I said that. You find the whole thing about me being an angel weird and uncomfortable. I’m sorry.”
“I can manage a hug.” I beckon him to me.
He comes without hesitation, pressing against my chest and burying his head against my shoulder. I hold him, stroking his hair with one hand. Should holding him so close feel so nice?
“Like this?” I ask.
“Exactly like this. Thank you.” His voice is muffled.
“For the record, I’m getting used to the idea that my cat is an angel.”
“I’m glad.”
“Yeah, me too.” I rest my chin on his head and close my eyes.
I don’t want to let him go. I like the way his body feels against mine. I like the texture of his hair as I run my fingers through it. I like how he’s holding me, his hands gently pressed against my back while his toes lightly brush my leg. My heart rate increases. My breathing quickens. Tingles snake down my spine.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Yes. You?” I’m whispering, unable to make my voice more tangible.
“Yes. This is nice.”
“Very nice.”
He smiles against my shoulder and then lifts his head. We’re practically nose to nose and staring at one another. His eyes swirl with vulnerability and something else. I can’t name it because I’ve never seen it before.
He tucks one of my curls behind my ear and touches his fingertips to my beard. “You’re beautiful, Leo.”
My breathing stutters. I can’t think. His gaze dips to my lips and then back to my eyes. Does he want to kiss me? Does he want me to kiss him? He joked about sex, but is an angel allowed to kiss a human? Does he have the same wants and needs as we do?
“Kai—”
He smiles. “I should let you get up.” He pulls away.
I tighten my grip, drawing him closer. “I don’t want to get up yet.”
He strokes my jaw. “What do you want?”
“I—don’t know.” It’s an honest answer.
“This is nice.”
“Yeah, it is.” I shouldn’t want to keep him in my arms, but I do. “B-but are you allowed? ”
He raises his eyebrows and curls his lips into an amused smile. “To cuddle?”
“Yes.” My face is going to combust. This feels like more than an innocent cuddle. Am I reading too much into what we’re doing?
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve never done it before.”
“I know you don’t have a rule book, and you said you’d never met any kind of superior, but you also said you weren’t supposed to reveal yourself to me, so you must have rules you have to follow.”
“I have to protect you. I’m not supposed to let on that angels exist, so sshhh, keep my secret, okay?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “But how do you know that? Because it’s been a few days since you revealed yourself to me, and nothing’s happened.” Is something going to happen? Am I going to lose him?
Kai purses his lips. “I guess I just assumed I wasn’t supposed to.”
“Why?”
He frowns. “I don’t know. It’s just something I… knew . Here.” He touches his heart.
“So why go against that?”
“Because you needed me, Leo. I know I’m supposed to protect you. Before you, my charges only needed protecting physically. But you needed more. You needed…”
“Saving from my grief?”
“Yes. I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers. It probably would be easier if I had a manual I could consult or someone or something whispering in my ear, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. My duty is to protect. That comes first. Beyond that—well, it’s anyone’s guess. But I think I’m good.” He rolls his eyes. “Well, you’re good. According to you, I’m chaotic.”
“Put us together, and we sound like a D&D alignment.”
“Huh?”
I smile and shake my head. “Never mind.”
“You say that a lot. I think you need to start explaining yourself.”
“Trust me, it would take me far too long to explain D&D alignments, but I might one day if you stick around.”
“I’ve been by your side for seventeen years, Leo. I’m not going anywhere.”
“That’s good to know.”
“But how present I am is up to you. You don’t need to know I’m here at all, if that’s what you want.”
I suck in a breath. “I don’t want that.”
“Or I can go back to being a cat permanently.”
“I—I don’t think I want that either. I like having you around. Kai. The person.” I squeeze my eyes shut for a second. “Angel, sorry, you’re not a person. You’re so much more. You’re?—”
He stares at me, hanging on my unspoken words. But I can’t put it into words. Or rather, I can, but I’m afraid to. He’s an angel. He’s so far out of my league it hurts.
“A chaos gremlin?” he asks when I’ve been silent for far too long .
I snort-laugh. “Sometimes.”
“Only sometimes? I’ll have to try harder.”
I can’t stop laughing. Tension slides away from me, and the weight of what I couldn’t say lifts. “Thank you. I needed that.”
“Yeah, I figured. Stop overthinking things, Leo.” He taps my temple on every syllable.
“And do what instead?”
“Go with the flow. Do whatever feels right in the moment.”
“What if I’m afraid of what feels right?”
“Don’t be.”
“What if it’s wrong?”
“I doubt it will be, but I’ll tell you if it is.”
It’s hard to breathe. “Kai—” I cup his cheek.
“It’s okay.”
Is it? I have an overwhelming desire to kiss him. To kiss an angel. How can it be okay for me, a mortal, to want to kiss an angel, let alone act on it?
“I should get dressed,” I say.
Disappointment fills Kai’s eyes. “Yes, of course. We don’t want to be late for breakfast.” He sits and pushes the quilt aside.
I catch his wrist mid-movement.
He stares at my hand, unmoving.
I sit. My breathing is hard. Uncertainty rages through me, but stronger is the knowledge that if I don’t act, I’ll regret it. I put my fingertips on his far cheek and gently turn him to face me.
“You’re amazing,” I whisper .
Then I kiss him. I intend for it to be a swift kiss, but he lets out the most adorable whimper and pushes into it, his lips moving in tandem with mine. I cup his jaw and tickle his nape. He puts his hand on my hip, gripping it with his fingers. His thumb finds skin between my T-shirt and boxer shorts. I use the tip of my tongue to encourage him to part his lips. I explore his mouth and caress his tongue with my own. He reacts beautifully, moaning and tipping his head back so I can deepen the kiss. My pulse races. Blood rushes to my cock. I’m torn between knowing I’m terrible for kissing him and never wanting to stop. I half expect an archangel to burst through the window and strike me down, but nothing catastrophic happens. Before I know it, he’s sinking onto the bed, and I’m following him, kissing him with a hungry fervour.
I have to come up for air eventually. I rest my forehead against his, breathing hard. My pulse is racing. My body is tingling with need.
His gaze searches mine. “That was amazing.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. Thank you, Leo.”
I lick my damp, kiss-swollen lips. “Were you allowed to do that?”
He glances from side to side. “I haven’t been struck by lightning, so I assume so.”
I widen my eyes. “Struck by lightning?”
“Relax. I’m kidding. As for whether I’m allowed, I told you, I don’t know. I’ve never kissed a human before. I don’t have a manual or a rulebook. I’ve been flying solo for as long as I can remember. I know why I exist and who I need to protect, but that’s all. I guess you could say I’m a creature of instinct.”
I stroke his hair. “And what are your instincts telling you?”
“That kissing you is awesome, and I’d like to do it again.”
I brush my lips against his. “Now?”
“Right now. What are your instincts telling you?”
“Kissing. Kissing seems perfect.”
“Then don’t worry about anything else, okay? Do what feels right. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Is he right? Even if he’s wrong, there’s nothing we can do about it now. I’ve already kissed him, and I’m desperate to do so again. I press my lips to his, smiling as I do what feels right. Now. In this perfect moment.