Chapter 34 Xavier
Everything hurts. I feel heavy and disjointed.
Where am I? I remember Jess and me at the mall…
and then what? God, it hurts to think. Was I in an accident?
Suddenly, images start playing through my mind like a horror film.
The bathroom, Kevin, being shoved into the van, the old smelly cabin, and then Brad and Brian.
Every cell in my body hurts. I have to get away, but my body won’t cooperate. They’re going to kill me.
“Shh, you’re safe, A Ghrá. No one will ever hurt you again.”
Declan? What is he doing here? I need to warn him. I don’t want him to get hurt. I try again to move. Pain sears through me, so intense that I think I’m going to pass out again.
“Don’t move, Xavier. I promise you, you’re safe. Your back is hurt, and if you move, it’s going to make it worse.” I hear his voice—it’s the most beautiful sound in the world to me.
As I relax my body, the intense pain levels ease. I try to open my eyes again, but they feel glued shut. A warm cloth is being rubbed gently over them. It feels good, and when it’s removed, I can finally open them. I stare into the face that kept me comforted in the darkness. Declan is here.
He lifts a cup with a bendy straw to my lips. Only now do I realize how dry my throat is. The cool water hits my tongue, bringing instant relief.
“Not too much. The doctor said only small sips at first.”
“You’re really here?” I barely whisper. Even with the water, my throat still feels raw.
“I’m really here, and so are you. I am sorry that I didn’t find you sooner, A Ghrá. I promise that the ones who did this to you will pay for it. I’ll make them suffer.”
Does he not know who took me? Were they already gone when he got there? He didn’t say any names.
“Brad, Brian, and Kevin,” I say, hoping he will understand that they are the ones who did this to me. The ones who hurt me.
“Don’t say their names. They don’t deserve it. They are trash. Fuckers that need to be put down.”
“Police?” Declan cocks his head at me. I wish I could get complete sentences out. Single words are all I think I can manage right now. I want to know if they have been arrested.
“No police.”
I frown. What does he mean, no police? How are they going to be punished if he didn’t call them?
Looking into his eyes, I see the answer.
He is going to be the one to punish them.
I want them to suffer. But at Declan’s hands?
The very hands that hold me tenderly and gently?
If he could do that to them, could he do it to me? A cold shiver runs down my spine.
He runs his fingers gently through my hair.
I automatically jerk away. I regret it the moment I see the tension in his eyes.
His hand stills before he lowers it to his side.
A hollow ache opens inside my chest — a space he usually fills that now feels empty.
I want to keep looking at him, to feel him close to me, but right now he scares me.
What scares me more, though, is being without him.
After what has happened to me, he is the one who makes me feel safe.
“I’m tired, Declan,” I say quietly. “I think I want to go back to sleep for a while.”
He watches me intently but doesn’t say anything else. He pulls the covers back over me, careful not to touch me again.
* * *
I open my eyes again, but this time it’s easier. Declan is still here with me. I can hear other voices in the room. I can’t make out what they are saying. I try to speak, but only a raspy noise comes out. Declan comes to my side and again holds the cup and straw to my lips.
“Small sips,” he reminds me. “The doctor is here. He needs to check your wounds and change the bandages.”
An older man steps up beside him and introduces himself as Dr. Henry Wright.
“I’m going to take a look at your back. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it won’t hurt.
But I need to check for infection and put more cream on them, okay?
” I nod as best I can. He puts on blue gloves, and I close my eyes again.
A whimper escapes me when he starts to remove the bandage.
A strong, large hand envelopes mine, and I hold on to it as a lifeline.
The pain is too much, but I grit my teeth and bear it.
I don’t realize that I am crying until Declan gently wipes at my cheeks with his other hand.
“All done. The cuts are healing well. You have been in this position for a while. I’d like to get you up and moving around by tomorrow. The major injuries were to your upper back, so you should be able to sit up, just don’t put any pressure on your back.”
“How long?” I ask.
“We have had you sedated for a little over three days.”
Three days? I’ve been out for over three days. Before now, I don’t think I have ever even fainted. I can’t wrap my head around this.
“The best thing for you is to rest. Mrs. Murphy is bringing up some food for you to try.” He moves a large, oddly shaped wedge pillow to the bed. “This should support your lower back enough to sit you up. Let’s go slow.”
Declan puts one knee on the bed and carefully lifts me under my arms, turning me so that I’m sitting against the pillow. I have to remind myself not to lean back.
“Is that okay?” Declan asks. I only nod at him. I’m afraid that if I open my mouth, I may scream. My head feels fuzzy, and I’m lightheaded. Even though I want to stay awake, it may not be an option right now. The doctor removes my IV once I am settled.
There is a gentle knock at the door, and Kieran opens it to let Alessia in with a tray.
“It’s good to see you up and awake. I’ve made you some bone broth and chocolate pudding for dessert.
” She smiles at me, but her smile looks sad.
She sets the tray over my lap. The little legs on it keep it from touching my thighs.
My front hurts, but nowhere near as bad as my back.
I lift my hand to take the spoon. Declan beats me to it.
“Let me help you,” he says as he dips the spoon into the broth and, after blowing on it, brings it to my lips. It’s such a sweet, gentle gesture that it warms my heart. When I first met him, I would never have believed he would do something like this for me.
It doesn’t take me long to finish the broth and pudding. I thought I would still be hungry with just a small amount, but I’m actually full. Alessia takes the tray.
“Just let me know if you want more in a little while. Henry said that you can have little bits at a time.”
“Thank you for everything.”
“You are very welcome, Xavier.” It’s quick, but I catch the wetness in her eyes before she turns to leave the room.
“Dr. Wright left you some painkillers to take after you finished.” He hands me a little round pill. It will make me sleep again, and I really want some clarification from Declan. Was I dreaming when he said that he had the three assholes? That he was going to make them suffer.
“Did I imagine you saying that you were going to punish them?”
“No.”
“Declan, you can’t. If you get caught, you could go to jail.” Panic rises in my chest, thinking about losing him. He could be sent to prison because of me.
“Calm down, A Ghrá. I am not going to get caught. We made it seem as if the three were on the run. The police know they’re responsible for the deaths of six men. There is no connection to you.”
“What about Jess?”
“She’s fine. She came to visit you yesterday. She thinks you were kidnapped by some random guy. Ronan faked a police report.”
“You could just hand them to the police.” I try to reason with him.
“No. They took you from me, and they hurt you. You’re mine to protect, mine to keep. You understand that, right?”
I think about what went through my mind when I thought I was going to die. Declan was my safe space and my home.
“Yes. When they were hurting me, I thought of you.”
He slides as close to me as he can and places his large hands on my face. “Tell me what you thought about.”
“That I wanted more time with you. I’ve only had about sixteen days, and I wasted the first three. I made myself a promise that if I lived through it and if you would still have me, I would give myself to you completely.”
The kiss he places on my lips is soft and gentle. “I will always want you. I accept you fully.”
It feels like we just said wedding vows. Vows of a sort. Promises have been made.