Chapter 17 JP – PROMISE ME
“You guys ready for this weekend? Season opener, baby!” Kappy called out while slinging his arms around both Colt and I as we walked out of practice.
“You know it,” Colt said with a cocky grin.
“So, will this be your last season, Captain?” Kappy asked.
“You’ll be the first to know if it is, bud,” Colt said, running a hand over his damp hair.
Kappy was constantly trying to get the inside scoop from us.
“What about you, Lightning McQuaid?” Kappy asked me, using the nickname given to me after winning an All-Star race a couple years ago.
“It probably should be,” I admitted, shifting his arm off my right shoulder.
Kappy stopped walking. “Your shoulder hurting again?”
I let out a bitter chuckle as I rotated my arm. It never stopped hurting. It’d been tweaked ever since the playoffs. But I couldn’t tell anyone unless I wanted to risk my spot on the roster. “You really think I’d tell you of all people if it did?”
“That’s right, keep your mouth shut around the press.” Colt coughed into his hand the words, “Sell out.”
Kappy’s forehead creased. “That’s mean. I’m not a sell out.”
“Ha, says the guy wearing loafers with no socks and a flowery suit on air,” Hans jabbed as he shuffled out of the pro shop holding a mop.
Kappy’s mouth dropped open. “Hey, that’s the style, old man!”
“Not a good style,” Hans mumbled.
I rubbed a hand over my mouth to hide my laugh, Colt didn’t hide his at all.
“Piper said I looked good,” Kappy argued.
The door to Rink 2 popped open revealing Piper in her coaching attire with her ice blonde hair pulled back by fluffy, black earmuffs. Seeing her pouting boyfriend, concern registered on her face. “What’s wrong, Richard?”
“They’re being mean to me.” Kappy frowned.
“No, we’re not.” Colt laughed.
“Yeah, they are. They’re treating me like the press.”
Piper rolled her lips together, trying her best to smother her laugh. “But you are the press now, honey.” She walked up and patted his cheek.
“But I’m a friend first,” Kappy argued. “I can keep a secret.”
All four of us busted up laughing. Kappy’s mouth gaped open in shock at Piper’s reaction.
“You have many talents, Richard. Secret-keeping is not amongst them,” Hans added, making us laugh even more.
“That’s not fair, stop laughing,” Kappy argued, throwing his arms up. “I can, I swear.”
“I’m sorry, baby, you’re right,” Piper chided, still trying to squelch her laughing as she smoothed a gloved hand down his chest. “You can keep secrets, I know you can.” She rose to her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek.
“Yeah, I can,” Kappy grumbled, puffing out his chest. “No one even knows we’re married, so how’s that for secret-keeping.”
Piper froze.
“You’re married?” Colt burst out.
“Oh.” Kappy’s forehead scrunched. His eyes fell closed as he dropped his head back. “Fuck.”
Mer walked into the lobby holding Lucy’s hand. Taking in the tense scene, she came to a halt, making Lucy bump into her legs. Mer’s eyes darted from person to person. “What? What happened?”
“Those two got married without telling anyone,” Colt said, pointing an accusing finger at Kappy and Piper. “What the heck, guys?”
“Oh, I knew,” Mer said with a bright smile.
Piper gasped. “You did?”
“Me too!” Lucy chirped.
Piper whirled on Kappy and shoved his chest back. “What the hell, husband?”
Kappy threw his hands up in innocence. “I might’ve slipped. But just once, I swear.”
“I didn’t!” Lucy said with a proud smile while skipping over to her dad.
“Yeah, you didn't. You didn’t even tell me,” Colt said, scooping her up easily even though she still had her skates on. “Let’s get home. I’m missing Cally Boy.” Callahan, their drooly baby boy, was at home with a sitter.
“Me too! We gotta make sure we don’t miss his first steps,” Lucy gushed as Colt started walking to the rink exit. “You don’t think he did it yet, right? Every single day when I go to school, I’m afraid I’m going to miss it!”
Colt’s grin widened. “Nah, I think he’s waiting just for you.” He bopped Lucy’s nose, making her giggle, then lifted his arm in a salute to say goodbye to us.
Lucy turned in her dad’s arms to give us a big wave. “Bye guys! Bye Hans!”
Hans chuckled, his blue eyes shining. “Goodbye, little one.” Turning his attention to Colt, he gave a proud nod.
“See you guys in the morning,” Mer called over her shoulder while catching up to Colt. She melted into his side as they walked out into the crisp fall day.
“Yeah, time to go, my little wiffle ball,” Piper said, grabbing Kappy’s hand and tugging him forward.
Kappy’s face faltered. “Wiffle ball? What?”
“Yupp, everything just goes right through you,” she admonished. “Bye JP, bye Hans, we’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
“Yeah, uh, congrats,” I said awkwardly, moving to give her a hug.
She gave a small smile. “Thanks, we’re having a wedding and reception and everything later, we just didn’t want to wait to be married, ya know? It was supposed to be secret,” she added through gritted teeth while eyeing her husband.
“I said I was sorry, jeez,” Kappy mumbled, lifting his hat to run a hand over his mullet.
“Yeah, yeah.” Piper rolled her eyes while moving toward Hans for a hug. Hans spoke a few hushed words of congratulations to her, making her tear up.
“And you,” Hans said, wagging a finger at Kappy. “You remember what I told you.”
A shit-eating grin spread on Kappy’s face while he crossed his heart. “Always, old man.”
“Good, now get out of my rink,” Hans said, shooing them away with his mop.
Ignoring him, Kappy pulled Hans in for a big, back-slapping hug. “I still wanna get you on the air, old man.”
“Nope, no one’s stealing my socks. I’ll leave all that nonsense to you,” Hans said.
Kappy threw his head back laughing. “But the world needs ya, old man.”
“Maybe.” Hans grinned. “But this place right here is my world.”
Kappy nodded somberly. “So maybe I should let you know that I was playing suey with some of the U16 boys and we broke one of the lights in the locker room hallway, sorry,” he said before jumping a safe distance away from him and his mop.
“All right, get out,” Hans said, shooing him away, but he couldn’t hide his smirk.
Still laughing, Kappy grabbed Piper’s hand and tugged her toward the exit. Right before leaving, Kappy looked back and locked eyes with me. “I can keep a secret. You don’t even know,” he said ominously.
Shooting me a look of apology, Piper pretty much shoved him out the door.
As soon as they left, the rink fell quiet, almost too quiet. A bantam AAA team was on Rink 1, and a new synchro team was taking the ice in Rink 2, but with the practices in full swing, the lobby was dead quiet. Only the usual peaceful hum of the AC filled the air.
“Damn,” I said, plopping on the rink bench and staring at the empty wake my friends left.
Kappy and Piper were married.
So, that just left…me.
I mean, I’d known that for a while—that it was just me. But now it was official. Kappy and Colt were both married. They were both moving on with their lives. And I was just…here, trapped in the same spot year after year.
I was stuck.
And just like clockwork, whenever I thought of marriage, I thought of Ali.
Back in July, I tried to find her before leaving the cruise ship to fix things, but she was nowhere to be found that morning.
And then I spent the next week trying to call and text her, but she never responded.
I wanted to keep reaching out and apologizing, but I didn’t want to come off as a stalker and scare her either.
She clearly wanted space from me, so I needed to back off.
But how could I fix this if she wouldn’t let me?
Then again, maybe I didn't deserve the chance to fix it.
It was karma, I guess, for telling Ali I’d be busy with hockey, because now hockey was all I had.
We both knew it was an excuse, but I just didn’t want Ali to be stuck. I didn’t want her to be waiting around for a measly phone call from me when she could be living life with someone else. Someone like Brandon, I thought bitterly.
Just the thought of her skating with him made jealousy claw at my chest. But I had to let her go. I forced myself to let her go all those years ago, and it was clearly the best thing for her.
Hans slowly sat down on the bench beside me. “I’d ask how you’re doing, but I think I know the answer.”
I let out a long breath.
“I’m gonna tell you something that I want you to remember.”
“What’s that?” I said distractedly, rubbing my sore shoulder.
“Don’t be discouraged about being last.”
“Ah.” I raked a hand over my hair, questioning how he could practically read my mind. “But I don’t want to be last,” I admitted.
“No one ever does.” He was silent for a beat, then his glassy blue eyes met mine. “But would you wish it on anyone else?”
I swallowed hard before shaking my head. Because that was the truth. I wouldn’t wish this weird mix or heavy regret and loneliness on anyone.
“Well, then ya gotta be okay with it being you.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I guess.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” he said, waiting until I met his clear blue eyes.
“Order doesn’t matter when it comes to pretty much anything in this life.
Getting married, starting a new profession, learning about yourself, going to church, going to school, even changing your diet.
When you start is never as important as making the decision to actually start, and when you start in comparison to others doesn’t matter at all. ”
I rubbed my forehead. “Okay, but—”
“No buts,” he cut me off in a harsh voice. “I married my Katia so young.” He gave me a bittersweet smile. “But our love story was not so long. Katia passed right before I met you all.”
My shoulders loosened. “Hans, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”
“Don’t feel bad, you’re learning.” He gave me a gentle grin.
“But just because our story was cut short doesn’t mean I loved her any less or that it was less impactful on my life.
Loving her was the greatest thing I ever did in this life.
Our love was…” he trailed off and stared at the ceiling for a beat, “it was what all the songs and books and movies are written about.” Han went silent for a beat before patting his legs. “I’ve been thinking about Miss Ali.”
I did a double-take. Hearing her name felt like a stab to the heart. “I thought we were talking about you,” I said, feeling my shackles raise up about this particular topic.
Hans let out a chuckle and patted my shoulder. “Why would you ever think that? You’re the student here, not me.”
I rolled my eyes.
He gave me a sad smile. “You liked her.”
It wasn’t a question.
“And she liked you,” he sighed.
I scoffed. “Maybe, who knows.”
“No, don’t be like that, Jameson.” He harrumphed. “There are only a few things I can say for certain in this world, and that is one of them.”
I hung my head. “Doesn’t matter. I messed up, Hans. I…” I trailed off and ran a hand over my newly buzzed hair. I was too disappointed in myself to even let him know what happened this summer.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret: If it’s meant to be, you can’t mess it up.”
I pressed my palms into my eyes. “Don’t give me false hope. I don’t deserve it.”
“Well, this part isn’t about you,” he said simply, making me look at him in confusion.
“She can’t run forever, and when she has to stop, when she’s forced to stop, it’s going to be hard.
I just have a feeling…” His chin wobbled, shocking me.
“I’m afraid I won’t be able to be there for her.
I’m afraid I won’t be able to help this time. ”
“This time?” Replaying his words, I was taken aback. “What do you mean? Why wouldn’t you be there for her?”
He pressed his thin lips together. “I’m old, Jameson.”
“Stop,” I automatically said. “No, you’re not.”
He arched a bushy eyebrow. “I am. And I need you to do something for me,” he said in a determined voice.
My eyebrows pulled together. “Yeah, sure, anything.”
“Be there for her, okay?”
I blinked at him. That was… That was an impossible ask.
“Be there for Ali? I can try, but I don’t…
” I shook my head. “I don’t know if she wants me to be.
” I thought back to how she screamed at me to leave her room, how she said she never wanted to see me ever again.
I fucked it too badly this time. There was no going back.
“Be there anyway,” he demanded before going into a coughing fit.
I patted him on the back, not too hard, because I didn’t want to hurt him. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try,” I said, feeling more confused than ever.
“Promise me, Jameson,” he said, his face red from coughing. “Please.”
“Yeah, it’s a promise.” My eyes drifted over him. “You feeling okay?”
He swallowed hard and nodded.
Right at that moment, a group of rowdy PeeWee hockey boys ran into the lobby with a soccer ball, calling for Hans.
“Ah, duty calls,” he said with a grin on his face.
“Want me to wait for you? We could grab some dinner?”
“No, that’s all right. I have a couple more things I want to get done here,” he said with a small smile.
“I can help,” I offered, standing from the bench.
He shook his head and laid a weathered hand on my shoulder. “No, I want you to get moving, Jameson. Take care now, all right?”
My eyebrows tugged together. “If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” He gave me a small smile as he shuffled over to the kids.
_________
The next morning, Hans was found slumped over on the bench facing Rink 1. He gave his whole heart to the rink; he gave it until it stopped beating.