Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Brakkor
Something was wrong.
Look, up until a few days ago, I didn’t believe in this Fated Mates bullshit. Then my brother—and my godsdamn Kteer—convinced me that Jocelyn was my Mate, and somehow, somehow I knew that it was the truth.
She was mine, and I was hers.
So why the fuck wasn’t everything all sunshine and rainbows now?
I could feel her pain. Oh, Jocelyn was doing a good job hiding it; anyone else would have thought nothing had changed.
But each time I took her in my arms and praised her, or called her mine, or Mate, or all the other cutsie little terms I remembered Korrad using for Sharra, she seemed to withdraw a little more, curling in on herself.
Jocelyn only seemed herself when we were in bed.
And don’t get me wrong; we were in bed a lot.
The morning after that barbeque, after that claiming in the woods, I texted my brother: She’s mine. I’m not coming into work today.
His reply was immediate: Congratulations. Take as much time as you need.
Should’ve known he wouldn’t give me shit, not over something this serious.
Jocelyn and I spent the day in bed—and in the shower, and on the floor, and twice up against the wall. It was like the more times I made her come, the more addicted I was to her. I needed her pleasure like I needed my next breath, and she was completely on board with this plan.
It was only after, when we were cuddling, or throwing a frozen pizza in the oven, or whatever…I would try to bring up the future, and she would close down. She was hurting inside, and I couldn’t figure out why.
The only thing I could think to do to counter her pain was to bring her more pleasure, and it didn’t appear to be a long-term solution.
Didn’t stop me from trying harder, though.
By Friday at noon, I thought my Kteer might finally be sated. The damn thing was purring in my chest, putting off a smug satisfaction. Which was fucking annoying, because biology be damned, my heart could tell that Jocelyn wasn’t nearly as happy with this new situation as I was.
I thought at first that she was just embarrassed, even though she was the one who’d asked for sex.
So I tried to rein in my need, to go back to just focusing on her pleasure with my fingers and my tongue…
but she wasn’t having that. When she dropped to her knees in the shower and licked my cock from balls to tip, I kinda figured out that she didn’t want this to be one-directional again.
But when we weren’t fucking, and I tried to talk to her, to ask her what was wrong, she retreated again. So I changed the subject, talking about the future, and what it would be like to live together, or what kind of job she could find on the island…
Whenever that happened, she’d make an excuse to leave the room.
Why wouldn’t she talk to me?
Needless to say, my cock was sated, and my heart was even more confused. Which is weird as hell, because a month ago I would have told you that my heart didn’t need to be involved at all.
Shit got bad right after lunch on Friday.
I’d made us grilled chicken sandwiches, and I was cleaning up when I heard her rustling around in the bathroom she’d taken over with her stuff.
The town council meeting was in an hour, and I’d taken the full day off in order to drive her over and support her.
I knew she’d been working hard on her arguments and plans for the council, and I had complete confidence in her.
Jocelyn emerged with her rolling suitcase packed, and I dropped the cutting board I’d been washing into the sink. In shock, I twisted to watch her march across the living room, her gaze locked straight ahead, as if she didn’t want to glance at me.
She was reaching for the door when I finally managed to pull my voice up out of my stomach. “Where are you going?” I blurted.
With one hand on the knob, still staring straight ahead, she took a deep breath. “I…I’m going to pack my car. So I can leave after the meeting.”
“Leave?” I all-but-stumbled toward the archway separating the kitchen from the main room, the dish sponge dripping water behind me. “As in, leave the island?” Leave me?
She was refusing to look at me. “Brakkor, Mr. Frapp paid me for two weeks, to do the research necessary to convince the town council. I mean, I guess I could stay for the weekend, but my job is done after they agree.”
Stay for the weekend. At most, I had two more days with her? At worst, I had mere hours. “What happens if they don’t agree?” My voice was hoarse. “What if they aren’t convinced to provide a place for the lighthouse?”
For the first time, Jocelyn’s defenses cracked, and she hunched her shoulders, glancing at me with uncertainty in her eyes as she chewed on her lower lip.
I stepped into the room. “Joss? Would Mr. Frapp pay you to try again at next month’s meeting?” What was I saying? It’s not like I wanted her to fail. “Did he say anything to you?”
“I…I don’t know.” Her lips tugged downward, and despite her irritation, I was relieved to see her getting angry instead of brittle. “Why does it matter?”
“Why does it—?” I repeated incredulously before tossing the sponge to the floor in astonishment. “Because I don’t want you to leave, Joss!”
Her hand was still on the door knob, not a good sign. “We’ve had fun—I mean, I’ve really enjoyed my time with you, Brakkor, but we always knew this was a temporary thing.”
“I didn’t,” I growled, stalking closer. “Kitten, this isn’t temporary to me.”
“Hunt, catch, fuck, Brakkor, remember?” She backed up until her shoulder blades hit the door. “You hunted me, you caught me—”
I caught myself and stopped before I could reach for her, instead looming over her like the asshole I was. “This went way beyond catching and fucking, and you know that.”
She lifted her chin, and I could see her eyes were watery. “You said this was just a hookup.”
Part of me was relieved that we were finally having this conversation; that she was finally letting me in…while the other part was horrified at the thought of screwing this up badly enough to push her away.
So I forced my Kteer to quiet, and I stepped back, hoping to appear calmer than I actually was.
“We had an agreement at first, yeah. Up until I met you, Joss, I only ever wanted hookups. When you snuck out of that hotel room, and I couldn’t get you out of my mind, I thought it was just because I was the one used to leaving. ”
“Yeah, that was why,” she sniffed. “It bothered you that someone left you first.”
That’s what she was trying to do now? I shook my head.
“That’s what I thought, but I was wrong. I couldn’t get you out of my head—my heart—because you were more than just a hookup to me.”
Unable to help myself, I reached for her again. But when she glanced away, I hesitated, wondering if she even wanted my touch, and my fingertips hovered near her cheek.
“Joss,” I rasped. “You’re my Mate.”
This, my friends, was a Big Fucking Deal for me to admit. Apparently, Jocelyn didn’t realize that, because she snorted softly.
“You don’t have to promise me anything. I slept with you willingly, and I enjoyed myself. We don’t have to pretend like there’s more to it.” Her voice caught and her eyes closed. “Pretend we have a future.”
Unable to help myself, I closed the distance between us, cupping her cheek. “Pretend? Fuck, this is as real as it gets, Kitten! You’re my Mate.”
Jocelyn swayed slightly, leaning against my hold, but her eyes stayed closed and she sounded close to tears when she said, “I get it. You want control over the situation—the power. And honestly? I don’t need that power, I just…” She made a noise like a sob. “I don’t want to get hurt again.”
Oh fuck, this is what they meant when they talked about heartbreak? I felt like my chest was squeezing, and for once, my Kteer was silent. “Joss…I would never hurt you. I would cut off my own arm before I hurt you, I would—”
“I don’t mean physically.” She took a deep, shuddering breath and straightened, pulling away from my palm.
But her gaze never rose above my chin. “You were clear what you wanted from me, Brakkor, and I don’t blame you—I like that you were honest with me.
” Finally, her honey-warm eyes flicked up to mine, and I saw the sincerity in them.
“Really. I like that you say exactly what you think, and you don’t worry about sugarcoating it.
You don’t waffle or whatever, you were clear you wanted a hookup, and I appreciated that. ”
How the fuck had this conversation gotten so far away from me? I wanted to grab her, pull her against me, wrap myself around her, around her scent, and assure her this was forever. Instead, I curled my fingers into fists, my claws digging into my palms, to keep from scaring her away.
“Joss, that was weeks ago. From the moment you walked down that beach at Korrad’s wedding, I knew that’s not what I wanted.”
Her smile was sad, almost pitying, when she met my eyes again. “You told me what you wanted, and people don’t change.”
People changed all the time! It’s what made them people! But I shook my head and played my trump card again. “We’re Mates.”
“You can call me whatever cutesy name you want, but you can’t gaslight me, Brakkor. I’ve been gaslit by the best of them.” Her tone had gone hard.
Frantically, I shook my head. “All my lights are electric! I don’t know what that means!”
She pulled the door open. “It means you’re doing one thing and telling me another, coming up with that cute new term of endearment.”
Oh gods, she was slipping away, and I still didn’t understand why. “I’m not! Joss, I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about!”
Maybe my panic convinced her because she sighed and pushed the door shut again. She didn’t remove her hand, though, so I couldn’t breathe normally.