Chapter 14 Wren
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
WREN
After we filled up on gas and Sly grabbed a stack of gift cards, Jagger took us through a burger joint drive-thru, then found us a quiet rest stop with picnic tables that sat away from the busier part of the rest stop, giving us a bit of privacy.
I watch Dex unroll his burger wrapper and take a big bite. I follow his action, and my eyes widen in delighted surprise.
“Good?” Pete asks with a smirk when I moan loudly.
I swallow my mouthful before answering him. “Okay, forget pizza. This is my new favorite.”
“Glad you like it.”
Jagger holds out a small bag of ring-shaped fries. “Why are these fries circular?” I ask as I pull one out and inspect it.
“It’s an onion ring,” Pete says, with amusement. “Try it.”
I take a bite then groan again. “Oh my goodness, this is so good!”
I sit at the top of one of the tables beside Dex, happily chewing my food as I eye the open area in front of us, wishing I could kick off my shoes and do a few cartwheels, enjoying the soft grass on my hands and feet.
My eyes dart to Sly sitting nearby, eating while adding the gift cards to his phone. I’m glad I have these guys with me. I had no idea how to do any of that. I’ve never even owned a cell phone before.
When we stop for the night, we can start ordering stuff. I grin, wondering what they’d think if I didn’t order dresses. I couldn’t even picture myself in pants, and the thought makes me excited and nervous. I’m still not entirely sure what rules are fundamental and what Robert made up.
My eyes glance to the men around me, feeling a little nervous about my questions. But if anyone was going to tell me the truth, it was them.
“Can women wear pants?” I blurt out, already knowing the answer, but wanting the confirmation.
Four sets of frowning eyes move my way.
“He told you women can’t wear pants?” Pete asks angrily, obviously already understanding why I’m asking.
I nod once. “I’ve only ever worn dresses,” I say with a shrug that hides my true thoughts on it, as I brush off a piece of imaginary dirt from my skirt.
“You can wear anything you like, baby,” Dex says, his teeth grinding as he tosses his empty wrapper in the nearby trash can.
“I feel like you guys get mad every time I ask you something like that,” I whisper to him quietly when he returns.
He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side. “No, baby. We just hate that piece of shit brother of yours.”
“Wren,” Sly says, getting my attention. “What he did to you isn’t okay.”
“He wasn’t all bad,” I say before I can stop myself. Maybe I just don’t want to admit that the brother who raised me never really existed at all. Not the way I saw him.
“Okay,” Sly says carefully, turning on the bench to face me. “Tell me some of the good things he did for you.”
“Well, he raised me since I was five, when my parents died.”
“I’d argue he was just taking care of someone he saw as property,” he says, making me frown.
“He always made sure I was fed and clothed.”
“But he controlled what you ate and what you wore,” he argues calmly.
“He put a roof over my head and took care of me.”
“He kept you locked up. You weren’t allowed to go to school, to have friends, to do anything normal people can do. He took away your freedom.”
“What about the piano and ballet classes? The language lessons? Teaching me to cook and clean?”
He sighs, stands, and steps directly in front of me, his intense green eyes staring into mine as he grabs my hands. “Wren, he was grooming you.”
“Grooming? Isn’t that something you do to a dog?” I ask in confusion.
He shakes his head. “It means he was shaping you to be what he perceived as the perfect wife. Someone who would agree with everything her husband says, someone who would want no life of her own, who would willingly cook and clean with a smile on her face, and instead of asking if she even loved him or not, she would simply be there to make him happy.”
The realization twists inside me until I can barely breathe.
Is that what Robert was doing my whole life?
Grooming me? I don’t have anyone to compare my life to, no way to know what was ever right or normal.
It feels like everything I am has been peeled back, and underneath, there’s nothing real.
Just the parts he built, piece by piece, until I became exactly what he wanted.
I try to blink back the tears as I turn my worried eyes back to Sly. “Who even am I?”
His eyes turn pitying, and the dam breaks. I throw my hands up to cover my face as a sob bursts from me. Dex lifts me into his lap, his large arms surrounding me as he whispers soothingly to me. “It’s okay, baby. We’re here now. And we’re gonna make everything better.”
“H-How?” I stutter out around my tears.
“First, you’re going to take a few deep breaths and try to relax,” Sly says as his thumb wipes the tears from my cheeks.
Taking a deep breath, I do as he says, and when the tears finally stop flowing, Dex speaks. “Why don’t you tell us what worries you the most right now?”
I take a moment to consider the question before answering. “I don’t know what I don’t know. What else did he lie about?”
I sniff for a second before something else clicks in my head, and I let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Women can have jobs, can’t they?”
“Yeah, baby. They can do anything men can.”
“I should have figured that one out already. I’d seen women working at the diners and the clothing store.”
Dex tilts my head back, then wipes away the remaining tears from my cheeks. “Much better,” he says with a smile. “Now listen, women can wear, eat, drink, and dress however they want. They can have any job a man has. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to work, cause I’m gonna take care of you.”
“We are going to take care of you,” Pete corrects.
“Did your brother tell you what you’d have to do as a wife?” Sly asks carefully. I glance at him and can see he’s trying to remain calm, but his eyes give him away. He’s angry.
“Yes. He said a good wife cooks and cleans the house for her husband. In one of my brother’s lessons, he explained how I’m not supposed to ask about his business, just ask how his day was.”
His eyes narrow slightly as he asks, “What else did he tell you in these… lessons?”
I think for a second as Dex’s hand runs soothingly up and down my back.
“To curtsey when meeting a man, never to speak back or argue, to always do as I’m told…” I trail off, starting to realize how controlling it all sounds. My eyes meet Sly’s as I whisper, “I didn’t know it could be any other way.”
I feel my lip quiver, and I slam my eyes shut tight, trying to take control of my emotions. I may not know who I am anymore, but I refuse to be a girl who cries all the time.
Dex squeezes me to him as I take a few deep breaths to calm myself. The reassurance he’s providing me right now gives me time to think and reminds me that I’m not alone anymore.
I lift my head and look at Sly as I finally ask, “Will you guys help me figure out who I am?”
“Of course, Wren.”
“I have no idea where to start or how I even do that.”
“If we had your letters, we could start with those,” Pete says with an uncharacteristic frown.
“How would that help?”
“Nobody coaxed you to write those, right?”
I nod, trying to figure out what he means.
“You wrote to us because you wanted to, and the words you put on that paper were all your own.”
“But you couldn’t bring them with you,” I say, knowing they couldn’t exactly sneak out of prison with nine months' worth of letters under their arms.
“The only regret I have about escaping is not taking them with me,” Dex says, squeezing me against his chest again.
“We don’t have them, though, so what do I do now?”
Jagger holds out the phone to me, and I read what he’s typed. “You start by making choices. About everything. What you want to eat, wear, drink. What you hate. What you want to watch on TV, how you want to act or speak.”
I glance up at him, passing the phone back. “I wouldn’t know any other way to speak or act, though.”
He types again, and I read it. “Do you ever want to say something, but hold your tongue?” I nod, and he types another message. “Don’t do that. Not with us. Say whatever comes to mind. The more you speak, the more you will find you favor speaking a certain way.”
I pass him back the phone as I frown down at my hands. I guess I do keep a lot of my thoughts internal. My eyes catch on the large expanse of grass, and I bite my lip nervously. What if all my questions bug them?
Deciding I should start now, I ask it aloud. “What if I start to annoy you?”
“Angel cake, you could never annoy me,” Pete says with a smile.
“What if I say something inappropriate?”
Dex snorts, and when I look up at him, he grins. “Baby, you’re with four escaped convicts. What exactly do you think you could say that would be inappropriate?” He pushes a strand of my long black hair behind my ear as he smiles softly at me.
My stomach tightens at the way his warm hazel eyes bore into me. “Why do I feel funny when you look at me like that?” I whisper, afraid to break the connection.
His eyes widen just a fraction. The movement is so small I would’ve missed it if I hadn’t been looking directly at him. He’s silent for a moment before he asks, “Have you felt that before?”
“A couple of times since I met you four.”
“But never before that?” Sly asks, making me turn to him. His green eyes are staring at me so intensely that I have to swallow the lump in my throat before I can answer.
“No. Why? What is it?”
“Attraction.”
I feel my cheeks heat, and I move my hands to cover them, feeling the heat of my embarrassment against my palms. I knew they cared for me, but I thought it might be platonic that they see me as more of a friend or sister.
I definitely did not see them as brothers; that was for sure.
The feelings they stirred in me were the furthest thing from friendly.