20. I Need A Plan
I Need A Plan
Leo
Zoe had to leave the party to work. I guess the bar won’t run itself. It sucks, though, that we didn’t get a chance to talk.
When she hugged me, fuck, I thought I was going to pass out. She looked so pretty. Her lilac hair was longer than I’d seen it in years, the top half pulled back into a messy little bun and the rest hanging down in waves. She looked like a little fairy, and honestly, I couldn’t get enough.
I need to think carefully about my next steps. I made a promise a long time ago, one I never expected to make but have every intention of keeping. I promised to love her. I promised to show her that I love her.
I knew I wasn’t the man Zoe needed me to be, but I was trying to become that guy. I haven’t hooked up with anyone since the moment she walked out of my apartment all those months ago, and I’ve taken the time to consider what she said. She wants something real. I thought I was ready to give her that then, but I wasn’t, not really. Now I am. I just hope I’m not too late.
Pushing open the door to the bar is like entering another world. The quiet warmth of the early evening outside gives way to the noise and buzz of a town full of locals and tourists wrapping up their summers. The music is loud — the laughter infectious, and the heat from the warm bodies filling the bar is too intense for the air conditioning to make an impact. I take in the sight with a grin on my face; she did this. Zoe turned this sleepy little small-town inn into a venue. She brought together the visitors and the townspeople, all with smiles on their faces and cold beers in their hands.
I move my gaze to the bar and spot her, a little purple firefly buzzing around, serving customers with the speed of someone who grew up to do just this. She smiles and hands over two bottles of beer, popping the tops off without even looking down before moving down the line — the long line. I turn my attention to the queue at the bar, then back to Zoe, and then I realize she’s on her own back there.
Making my way to the bar, I quickly head behind and ask the next customer what I can get them.
Zoe turns to me wide-eyed as I fill up two glasses with Coke and take out two beers, popping off the tops and taking payment.
‘What are you doing?’ she asks, confused, and I gesture to the line.
‘You can’t do this alone, Zo. It’s been a while, but I think I can remember what I’m doing.’
It has been a while. I’ve helped out at the bar a couple of times over the years, usually at Christmas when we’ve all had a few too many, and it’s all hands on deck. I can’t see her struggle tonight.
She turns her body toward me, and it’s as if the line disappears for a minute.
‘Leo, you don’t have to.’
I smile, just a little, at the soft, grateful look in her eyes and reach my hand up to grip the top of her arm. There’s a soft sheen of sweat on her skin, and I have to fight against the images and the memories of a night in my bed when her skin glistened like that for very different reasons.
‘Munch, I’ve got you, always. You know that.’ And she does — the small nod before she turns back to the waiting crowd tells me so. ‘Who’s next?’
‘Thank you for tonight.’
Zoe sits next to me on the roof of the bar, dangling her legs over the edge the way we’ve done a hundred times before.
‘You’re welcome, munch.’
The evening air is a welcome relief from the heat of the bar, and the silence of the now-sleeping town is comforting.
‘You did pretty good.’ I turn to find her smiling down at the bottle in her hands. ‘For someone who’s used to sitting down all day.’
I laugh, and she raises her gaze to meet mine.
‘Why were you alone tonight, Zo? The bar is always busy this time of year.’
She nods as she swigs from her bottle.
‘Bud got sick, Lacey too. They ate some bad chicken or something, and it took them both out. Bud before his shift. Lacey about forty minutes after she got to work.’
‘Oh, man,’ I grimace, and she nods.
‘I would have called Bree or Doug, but Bree drank way too much at the party, and Doug and Cara only got back today. I didn’t want to drag him away.’
‘You could have called me.’
‘Turns out I didn’t need to.’
She holds my gaze, and I take a breath. This is it — this is the moment.
‘Munch,’
‘I’m sorry,’ she cuts me off. ‘Shutting you out the way I did, I’m sorry, Leo. I was angry.’
‘I know,’ I admit. ‘I acted like a dick, but, Zo, even though I didn’t handle it the right way, I hope you know why I reacted to seeing you with him.’
‘Leo,’ my name is a groan, and I know she doesn’t want me to say anymore, but I can’t stop now. I reach out and take her bottle from her hands, putting it down with mine before shuffling a little closer. I’m straddling the wall, facing her side, so she turns to look me in the eye, and I see the worry, the nerves.
Reaching up, I push her hair behind her ear and run my knuckles down over her jaw. Her eyes close, and when she opens them again, the worry is fading, being replaced by something else, something I’ve seen before.
‘Zoe, I wasn’t the man you needed me to be back then, but the way I feel about you has never changed, not even for a second.’
She exhales a soft, warm breath into the night air and shivers as my fingers trail down over her shoulder and the back of her arm until her hand is in mine.
‘I want to show you, Zo. I want to show you I can be the man you need.’
‘Leo, I…’
The vibration of the cell phone in her back pocket reverberates through the side of my knee, making me realize how close I was, and it seems to wake her up, pulling her out of the haze as she reaches back, and I see the name that acts like a cold bucket of water for her: Doug.
‘Hey,’ she says as she answers, and I hear his deep voice on the other end.
‘Zo, what happened tonight?’
‘What do you mean?’ Her voice is pinched as she turns, pulling her legs back from the edge and standing. I can’t hear him anymore as she walks away from me, but I watch, desperate to get back to where we just were. ‘No, it’s fine. Yeah, he walked in at the right time and helped me out.’ She swallows and chews her bottom lip, then looks up to meet my gaze once more. ‘Yeah, that’s what family’s for.’
And just like that, I realize I still have work to do. In Forest Falls, more than anywhere else, I’m her brother’s best friend. I’m her neighbor, her husband’s cousin, and her friend, and our family and a lifetime of memories surround us. It’s going to be harder than I thought to convince her to let me be more than that. I can’t just dive into this. I need a plan.