45. Sleep On It, Zo Zo
Sleep On It, Zo Zo
Zoe
I bring the car to a stop and take a breath. I’ve driven straight here from Leo’s place, leaving my bag of clothes and toiletries there, only leaving with the clothes and shoes I’m wearing and my cell phone.
I glance up to see the little house I love so much, and I start to cry. Emotion that I held inside for the drive here spills out of me. It’s over. He’s leaving, and I walked away from the chance to go with him.
The tap on my window has me raising my head from the steering wheel to see the kind eyes peering in, and I rush to open the door.
‘Hey, baby.’
‘Grandma.’
‘So, you drove all the way up here. You going tell me why you’re crying in your car outside my house?’
I raise the bottle of beer to my lips and take a swig, then pull the blanket up over my raised knees. I love my grandma Dee. She’s wild, and she takes no shit, but she is the most open-minded, caring person I know.
‘I’ve been seeing someone.’
‘Well, I assumed this would be about a man.’ She takes a swig from her bottle, and I go on.
‘It’s Leo, Grandma.’
She nods, and a twitch lifts the corners of her mouth. ‘Well, it’s about damn time.’
‘Okay, so what you’re telling me is you are in love with the man, but one, you felt you had to keep that a secret, and two, you walked away because staying with him would mean leaving the state?’ I stare at her for a second, and she shakes her head. ‘You kids are as dumb as rocks. First of all, I have to deal with Doug and Cara being dumbasses, and now you. I thought you knew better. Jesus, I hope Breanne is watching you idiots and finding herself a little more sense.’
‘ Grandma .’ My jaw drops, and she shakes her head.
‘Zoe, you loved and lost once already. Why are you putting yourself through that again?’
‘He’s going to California.’
‘So go with him.’ I huff out my frustration. She’s not listening. ‘Why don’t you want to leave Forest Falls, Zoe?’
‘What?’ Her question stumps me.
‘You’re thirty-five, and you’ve lived in the same small town your whole life. Why don’t you want to leave?’
‘I can’t.’ I hear the shake of my inhale, and she tilts her head sympathetically, then holds out her hand for mine.
‘Talk to me, honey.’
‘I have a life there, Grandma. I have my bar and my house — my whole family is there.’
‘Try again.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Zoe, you’re not convincing me.’
‘I have the life I dreamed of, almost. The only thing missing is a husband and kids. I have my dream job, my dream house. Everything I ever wanted is there.’
She inhales deeply, then stands.
‘Sweetheart, I love you, so I’m going to give you another shot at that one. Sleep on it, Zo Zo. I’m going to bed.’
Rendering me speechless, she leans in to kiss me, then heads into the house, leaving me alone on her porch with only the stars for company. She’s eccentric, my Grandma Dee, but she’s wise — most of the time. Right now, she’s just confusing.
I stand by it. I have what I dreamed of. Not all the pieces, but I always knew Leo wouldn’t be that. I ignored it because of my feelings for him, but I can’t just let everything I’ve worked for slip away.
Right?
Emotion tightens my throat as I remember the look on his face as I told him no, told him I was leaving. I never thought I could break somebody’s heart, but I saw it happen right in front of me.
‘Oh god.’ I gasp and reach my hands up to cover my face as I cry hard. It’s over, and it hurts so much.
Leo
Me: Munch, please call me.
Me: Baby, please don’t give up on us!
Me: I’m not going. I will close the shop and move back to Forest Falls if it means I keep you x
My finger hovers over the send button of that last one before I delete it. I can’t give up everything I worked my ass off to get. California, I can give up. Lion Ink, I can’t.
Me: Can we talk, please? If there’s really nothing I can do or say to keep you, I’ll walk away, but I’ll stay, Zo. If you can’t leave South Carolina, I won’t leave either. You’re everything to me.
I take a breath, trying to get through the urge to throw my cell at the wall when it vibrates in my hand.
Munch: I love you, Leo. I love you, and I’m proud of you, but face the facts. We were never going to be forever. Go to California. Show the world who Leo Bennett is. I’ll be watching.
She’s done. Just like that, she’s over it.
This time, no amount of breathing can save my phone as it hits the wall with a satisfying crash.