Chapter 46 Benny
forty-six
Benny
ON MY OWN.
Harper was fast, faster than I’d expected as the distance between us increased. But then we were in the woods, and he had to be careful of sticks and shrubs in his way while I simply smashed my way through, gaining on him, and not caring if they scratched or sliced me.
My heart thundered in my chest as if it were trying to break out of me to get to him faster.
For weeks it had ached in his absence, but now it felt as if it were tearing as he ran from me.
Adrenaline mixed with my elevated heart rate, the anger and the desperation in me bubbling to the surface like a volcano’s eruption.
“You said I was yours!” I yelled after him. “Always!”
He stumbled, and it was all I needed to close the distance.
My body closed around his to protect him from the fall as we tumbled into the sticks.
Then I was over him, my arms boxing him in and preventing him from trying to get away from me again.
“You left me again!” I yelled.
“I didn’t have a choice!” he yelled back.
“Of course you did. We’re supposed to fight this together.”
His eyes filled with tears. His lip quivered. Cold fingers traced my cheek. “I need to protect you.”
I shook my head, trying to fight back my own tears, because I was mad at him. And I wanted him to know that.
He nodded. “I do. I have to protect you, and your family. Which means I can’t be in it, Benny.”
“No,” I grunted, my voice strained from how tight my throat was. “You’re my family too. And family doesn’t leave.”
“But staying is what got Ginny hurt.”
“No. Leon hurt Ma.”
“Because of me!”
“No!” I snapped. “No.” I repeated, softer. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is. If it weren’t for me, it never would have happened.”
“You didn’t do it. It wasn’t you. It was all fuckin’ him.”
He nodded, fingers so gentle on my face. “Yes. Because he was trying to get to me. Which is why I had to leave, so that you wouldn’t be between us. So he’d leave you alone.”
“No,” I croaked. “Come home. We’ll deal with him together.”
“I can’t. I can’t be the reason anyone else gets hurt.”
“But…” My heart twisted. Ached in a way I’d never experienced. “I need you.”
More tears streamed down his beautiful face. I didn’t wipe them away. “And I need you to be safe.”
“I’ll kill him for you,” I told him, and I meant it. “I’ll kill him, and then you’ll be safe. And you can come home.”
“No, Benny. He’s… too big. Too powerful. You can’t get close to him without destroying yourself. It’s too dangerous.”
“I. Don’t. Care!” I raised my voice, and the woods around us seemed to quiet as the sound of it echoed. “I don’t care about anythin’. Only you. I told you, you’re my everythin’.”
His face distorted as he sobbed. “You’re my everything too.”
My forehead rested against his. “Please. Please. There’s a way. There has to be. For us to win this, together.”
He sobbed again. “No. I have to do this alone.”
“I can’t survive losin’ you another time.”
“I’ll come back. When I find a way for us that won’t put you in danger.”
I shook my head. “No. I’m not leavin’ here without you.”
“You have to.”
I shook my head again.
“Benny. You have to.”
“No. I won’t. I’ll listen to you always. I’ll do anythin’ you say, always. But I can’t do this. I won’t.”
“You have to.”
“No.”
“Benny.”
“No!”
“Think of your ma, Benny. Think of Rachel. Are you going to put them at risk again over this?”
“That ain’t fair.”
“No, it’s not. None of this is fair, but it’s what has to happen.”
My body convulsed from the force of keeping in the tidal wave of emotions threatening to spill out of me. “Shady can help us.”
“Shady?”
I nodded. “He’s how I found you. He can help.”
Harper shook his head. “No. I need to figure this out. I can’t trust anyone, Benny.”
“Right.” I sniffed. “Not even me, right?”
“That’s not true.”
“No? Then why did you leave without tellin’ me?”
“Would you have let me go if I’d told you?”
“Of course not.”
“Exactly.”
I rolled off him, letting my frustrations escape me in a deep roar I offered to the woods. I panted from the force of it. “Please, Harpy,” I whispered, because that was all I had the strength for now.
“No, Benny. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. But this is the way it has to be. This is how we keep everyone safe.”
“So that’s it, then?” I turned my head in his direction. He wasn’t looking at me. “We just… end?”
“For now.” He sniffed.
“And if you can’t find a way out of this on your own?”
His silence gave me a very unwanted answer.
We’d lost.
“Fine.” I sat up. He did the same.
My fingers trembled as they traced the chain around my neck until they reached the clasp. If always didn’t mean always, I didn’t want to wear it until it did.
“Here.” I held my hand out to him, and his opened for me. I dropped the chain into his palm, unable to bring myself to look at what I might find on his face. “You can give it back to me when you mean it.”
He said nothing.
I pushed up to my feet.
He said nothing.
I walked away from him.
He said nothing.
If Harper was determined to solve this on his own, then we weren’t the team I thought we were.
If he could do what he thought was best for us, then so could I.
He was still mine, and he always would be. But all that brought was pain if we had to be separated.
I’d fix this myself.
I’d take Leon down myself.
Then he could come home, and we could be what we were always supposed to be.
I was going to kill Harper’s father.