Chapter 15 Dex - Past
fifteen
Dex - Past
SO THERE’S THIS GUY.
Waves crashed endlessly. Water rolled over itself and thrashed against stone, carried by the current, by the wind. An eternal push and pull.
No matter what happened in Port Skelton, this place remained the same. It was unaffected by trivial human matters and pursuits. It felt real in a way that most things didn’t, in the way that only the ocean could.
Being here always filled me with a sick sort of satisfaction. It made me feel small, made my problems feel small, like while I was here they weren’t real and didn’t matter. Like while I was here, none of it could hurt me. Ironic, I suppose, considering what had happened here twelve years ago.
“So there’s this guy,” I said with a sigh.
I’m not sure why I was telling him, maybe because there was no one else to tell.
Maybe because I thought he’d want to know.
“I think I’m interested in him. Like, actually interested…
” I brought my cigarette to my lips, taking a long drag and letting the wind steal the smoke as I exhaled, carrying it somewhere imperceivable, dispersing it into the atmosphere until it was nothing, along with the rest of my secrets. “It scares me.”
My boots ground against the small stones and dirt beneath me, my eyes locked onto a small black ant on a mission, scouting the area, unbothered by my presence.
“I don’t know if he’s interested in me, but it feels like… something. Something I haven’t felt before. I’m not sure what to do about it.”
Another exhale, smoke whipped away before it had a chance to plume. The ant found a seed.
“What should I do, Dad?” I asked.
There was no response. There hadn’t been a response for twelve years. I’d thought if there was ever going to be one, if there was going to be any trace of him at all, it would be here, where he’d died.
I clicked his lighter in my hand, watching as the flame died before it could even ignite.
It didn’t stand a chance at life against this wind.
Twice more I tried; twice more it died. I turned my attention back to the ant, watching as it lifted the seed almost its own size over its head to carry back to wherever its nest was.
I understood why Dad had chosen this place. It was peaceful but not silent. Loud in ways that didn’t trigger him. I didn’t understand it at the time—why he had to leave so often, why he chose that day not to come back—but I did now. I understood it too well.
I didn’t want to follow my dad’s example, not because I didn’t feel the call of the rocks at the bottom of this cliff, or of the waves that promised blissful silence and a watery embrace.
A way to wash away my pain. No, that wasn’t why I chose not to stay here forever like he had.
It was because suicide felt like proving my mother right, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
That being said, living wasn’t great either.
So I did it recklessly. I didn’t care who I pissed off and picked fights with.
I didn’t watch my mouth. I didn’t care about consequences.
It was incredibly liberating not to give a single fuck about anything.
And if doing whatever the fuck I wanted ended up getting me killed, well, that was fine too.
As long as I was breathing, though, I was gonna make that everyone else’s problem.
Standing up and taking one last long look at the ocean beneath the storm clouds that were rolling in, I crushed the ant and its treasure with my boot. Another miserable day in hell.
“Later, Dad.”
“You’re early,” Roy grumbled from the reception desk as I walked through the door, his thick brows furrowed, that eternally displeased expression on his face.
“So?” I shot back as I attempted to continue past him, only for a large, callused hand to press against my chest and halt me in my tracks.
“So your shift don’t start for another thirty minutes. Beat it, kid. I’m not paying you overtime.”
“I’m not asking you for overtime.”
“Damn right you ain’t, cause you ain’t working. Now get the fuck out of here till the shop opens.”
“I’ll do what I want, old man.” I knocked his hand away with only half the force I would have used for anyone else.
“Not in my shop you won’t, brat.” Roy huffed. The thick curtain of his mustache hairs twitched with his breath.
“You gonna stop me?” I raised a brow in challenge.
I didn’t doubt he’d have the capability if he really wanted to.
Roy was twice my age, but he was also twice as bulky.
His dark shirt stretched to capacity over thick shoulders and sculpted biceps, the buttons clinging on for dear life down the center as his breaths expanded the muscle of his chest. He had a body built from hard work and heavy lifting.
“I will if I have to, boy.” He didn’t miss a beat, staring with the pale eyes of a predator, almost matching mine in color, though Roy’s were more blue than gray, in stark contrast to his tan skin and dark hair.
I groaned. “But I’m bored, and I’m already here.”
Roy huffed, a response I was familiar with. By now I knew the old mechanic well enough that I could translate entire sentences from his huffs. This one said, “That’s not my problem, and I won’t be persuaded otherwise.”
“Ugh, fine, gimme some cash, then.” I surrendered.
Roy didn’t question me any further, simply retrieved his wallet from his back pocket and pulled out a twenty, holding it out to me between two thick, oil-stained fingers.
I snatched it up and tossed my helmet at him, which he caught with another huff as I turned and exited the shop again.
The Cozy Cow was only a five-minute walk from Roy and Declan’s Auto Repairs, so I left my baby in the lot and made the trip on foot.
This early in the morning, there were rarely any dine-in customers, though office and retail workers would stop in for takeaway caffeine on their way into work.
That was why the figure at the window caught my attention—well, that and the fact that Jonah Hargreaves always had a way of pulling my attention to him like a magnet.
Today’s hoodie was a dark purple, pulled up over his head, which rested on the glass window. His eyes were closed, brow furrowed like he was annoyed that he couldn’t sleep in the middle of the diner at seven forty-five in the morning.
It was impossible not to be aware of him, and as if he could feel it too, his eyes snapped open, immediately finding mine.
The glare he sent me had twice the regular level of heat, and I knew without a doubt he remembered our last encounter very clearly despite the fact he’d been drunk.
He looked ready to pick up where we’d left off, like any sudden movement and he’d jump the table and drive his bony fist into my jaw again.
I almost wanted him to. My insides buzzed with the need to be pressed against him in whatever way I could get.
“Just the regular?” Amanda asked from the counter, breaking the building tension between us as I turned to look at her.
“Just mine and Roy’s,” I answered her.
“Bryce not working today?”
“He is, but he can get his own.”
Amanda rolled her eyes, though her expression was amused as she put in the total, and I paid with the cash Roy had given me. “You’re a menace.” She smiled.
She was one of the few people in Port Skelton who didn’t seem to find me intimidating or try to avoid me.
It had been an accident, really, saving her.
The piece of shit she’d called a partner had owed Archer money, and when I’d gone to collect he’d been in the middle of beating her, so I gave it back to him tenfold.
He couldn’t beat her with two broken arms, but I also broke a leg just cause I could.
She’d finally left him after that, moved out of Meadow Park into a house share with some chicks she went to school with.
I knew because for some reason she liked to tell me these things as she made my order.
While Amanda rambled on about her housemates, I turned back to my honey-eyed inferno, only to find his fire was no longer directed at me. Instead he was glaring at the barista as if she had somehow offended him. I didn’t like that. I wanted his glare, his attention. All of it.
Picking up a plastic stirring spoon and a cube of sugar, I aimed, lining up my shot with my shitty catapult. Load. Aim. Fire.
The sugar cube soared through the air, hitting its mark—the side of Jonah’s head—before crumbling over his clothes and the booth.
Attention successfully captured.
His fire intensified, igniting me where I stood.
I smiled, and it just pissed him off further.
When his eyes eventually left mine again, I watched him look over the contents of his table, undoubtedly looking for something he could throw back at me.
I was worried he’d go for the ceramic mug steaming in front of him, if only because I didn’t feel like causing Amanda the trouble of cleaning it up, but before he could decide, the door chimed and Becca breezed in.
“Dex,” Amanda called behind me, and as Jonah’s attention was stolen away from me once more, I turned to face her and the tray of three coffees she held out for me to take.
“I said Bryce could come get his own,” I grumbled.
“You did,” she agreed before waving her hand at me. “Now get out of here.”
I rolled my eyes, and as I was about to turn for the exit, I felt the thump and crumbling of what was undoubtedly a sugar cube exploding as it hit the back of my jacket.
“Jonah!” Becca scolded as I turned, coffee tray in hand, and made my way over to their booth.
Jonah glared, and Becca’s eyes were wide with shock and uncertainty at my approach. Plucking Bryce’s coffee from the tray, conveniently marked with a B on the lid. I offered Becca my most dazzling smile and a wink as I put it down in front of her at the table.
Two birds, one coffee.
The shock garnered from both of them as I turned for the exit was incredibly satisfying, that was until another much heavier thump hit the back of my jacket, accompanied by hot, sweet-smelling liquid splashing up my neck and down the back of my jeans.
There was a heavy silence as every person in the diner stopped what they were doing. Even the buzz of the milk frother on the coffee machine halted as Amanda looked on in horror.
Well then. I wasn’t about to let that slide, especially not with this many witnesses.
I walked back to the booth, keeping my expression neutral. Jonah’s face flushed pink, either in anger or embarrassment at his own actions, like maybe he’d acted without thinking that one through.
“That was a mistake, Rabbit,” I told him as I plucked my coffee from the tray and emptied it over his head.
Jonah gasped, like he hadn’t quite expected I’d do exactly what he’d done.
The moment he recovered from his shock, he launched himself at me, knocking the remaining coffee out of the tray as we slammed against the table at my back.
Roy’s coffee, black and extra hot, burned in a way the other two hadn’t, and all that seemed to do was ignite Jonah further as he clawed at me, hands going for my neck.
There were gasps and shouts of shock from the surrounding crowd, but I hardly cared. If my rabbit wanted to fight this out in the middle of the diner, I was happy to oblige.
We tumbled to the ground, trading hits and grabbing fists of each other’s clothing as we fought to get the upper hand.
Jonah snarled at me like a rabid dog, fueled by rage, but I was euphoric.
Having his body thrashing against mine was so right, even if it hurt.
Violence tasted a lot like passion, and I craved Jonah’s passion.
With a grunt, I had him pinned to the ground beneath me, where I wanted him more than anything, his captured wrists pinned to the tiled floor on either side of his head.
Before he could make a move to kick at me, I straddled him, weighed his lower body down with mine so any attempt to move only pushed him further into me.
Coffee dripped from my messed-up curls down onto his cheek as he glared up at me and attempted to thrash out of my hold, but I had him now, and I wasn’t letting him go.
Jonah grunted and tried to buck me off. I pushed down against him, and at the heavy pressure and friction I watched as his breath caught in his throat.
Heat crept up his neck, his pupils expanding.
“Would you look at that. It seems my rabbit likes being held down,” I said in a voice low enough for only him to hear, and whatever trance he’d briefly fallen into shattered.
“Get the fuck off me!” he shrieked.
Before I could respond, ice-cold water was being splashed over the both of us.
“Get out! Both of you! Out now!” Amanda shouted, brandishing a mop as a weapon.
Beside her, Becca stood with eyes wide, clutching a now-empty water jug.
With a grunt, I relented, releasing Jonah as we both got to our feet.
I half expected him to launch at me again, but it seemed he couldn’t even meet my gaze as he pulled his wet hood over his head and dashed out of the diner much like he had that very first day.
Becca stared at me, both confused and shocked before she put the jug down, apologized to Amanda, and took off after him.
I sighed, watching them leave before reaching a hand out to Amanda for the mop.
“The fuck happened to you, boy?” Roy asked from the desk where Bryce was now sitting. The bigger man rested a hand on his shoulder, which Roy quickly removed as my eyes locked onto it.
“Nothing happened,” I grumbled as I made my way to the bathroom at the back to clean up. Fortunately, I kept a few changes of clothes here, in case of days I wasn’t able to go home.
When I returned from cleaning up, Roy stared at me as he leaned against the wall, arms folded, brow furrowed. “Talk to me, son. What’s going on?”
My eyes shifted to the door that led to the reception area.
“I sent Bryce to get more coffee, seein’ as you decided to wear the first lot.”
I rolled my eyes, ready to shrug Roy off again, but the way he stared at me told me he’d be having none of it.
It was annoying, really, the way he genuinely seemed to care about me.
No one else in my life would be bothered.
It frustrated me. I didn’t know what to do with it.
For a moment we simply stared each other down, each waiting for the other to give in first, but the grumpy old bastard was infuriatingly patient.
I conceded with a groan. “So there’s this guy.”