Chapter 16 Jonah - Past
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Jonah - Past
HYPOTHETICAL OPERATION.
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I fucking hate Dex fucking Weller.
I didn’t wait for Becca as I stormed away from the Cozy Cow. The wind chilled my damp clothing. It hung heavy on my body, and my hair stuck to my face and neck in wet clumps that smelled like coffee and vanilla.
Granted, I had been the one to throw the first cup, but what else was I supposed to do when he’d bought a cup of coffee for Becca?
He wasn’t even interested in her. Was he?
No, he couldn’t be. The thought of him being interested in her made my blood boil and my vision turn red.
I’d acted before I thought about it, hurling the coffee across the diner.
What the fuck was that? That wasn’t me. I didn’t do shit like that, but when he was around, I couldn’t think clearly.
I became someone else, someone I didn’t like.
He did this to me. Somehow, it was his fault.
“Nah, baby, I’m the devil.”
His words from the field that day circled around in my mind, and I couldn’t think of a better way to describe him.
Dex Weller was the devil, and he was set on corrupting me and dragging me down to hell with him.
Well, I wouldn’t allow it. Whatever this was, this invisible, immense thing that pulled me into his orbit like fucking gravity, it was over now.
I wouldn’t play his games. I wouldn’t sink to his level. I never wanted to see Dex again.
“Jonah, would you wait up?” Becca called after me as she ran to catch up.
I didn’t know how to explain myself to her.
I’d called her non-stop until she woke up this morning, and demanded she come meet me at the diner because I didn’t want to be alone.
That old house and that old man made me feel like I was going crazy.
The pain in my leg flared because it was colder today, and I wanted to tear it apart.
Today was absolutely no good, and then he had to come in and make it all so much worse.
None of that was even the worst part. No.
The worst part, the absolute worst part of it all was that Dex Weller had me pinned down on the dirty floor of a diner—both of us covered in scalding coffee, with me trapped by his stupid fucking strength—and I got hard.
Just popped a fucking shame boner right then and there beneath him.
My dick and I really needed to have a chat about what the fuck it was doing. Waking up for Dex Weller in my weird little fantasies when I was in my bed alone was one thing, but in public during a fucking fight was entirely another.
“It seems my rabbit likes being held down.”
His low gravelly voice circled around in my mind, and I couldn’t help the frustrated shout that escaped me in response. Whose fucking rabbit? Not yours, asshole. Never yours.
“Jonah!” Becca grabbed my arm and turned me toward her. I shrugged her off, but she grabbed me again. “Nuh-uh, not this time. You are not getting out of explaining this. What the fuck is the matter with you?”
“I don’t know, okay?” I yanked myself out of her grip. “I can’t think when he’s around. He pisses me off so much I can’t control myself.”
Becca gave me a long stare, and I couldn’t meet her gaze, worried somehow she would see too much.
She always saw too much. I didn’t even know what I was hiding from her, but whatever these feelings were inside me, they were private, and shameful, and much too big.
That’s why I couldn’t help but explode whenever Dex was in close proximity.
“Oh, sweetie.” Becca sighed, and that pissed me off more.
I pulled away from her and continued on my way.
She followed me. “Let’s go get you cleaned up, but then we’re talking about this properly.
Also, you are absolutely going back to the diner to apologize to Amanda.
There’s no way I’m letting you get us banned from that place. ”
“Now, I’m gonna hold your hand when I tell you this, but you’re into Dex,” Becca told me as we sat on my bed, like that wasn’t the most ridiculous thing she had ever said in her entire fucking life.
“That’s not funny.” I scowled at her, snatching my hand back to continue drying my hair with my towel, pleased it no longer smelled of coffee after my shower.
I’d told her, mostly, about whatever was going on with Dex and me.
Of course, I left out the part where I’d almost kissed him at the party last weekend.
Before he rejected me. It was a drunken mistake, one I wouldn’t be making again, and it wasn’t relevant to this, because although I might have thought about it often in the safety of my own mind, I definitely would never attempt it again.
“I’m not joking, JJ. You’re into him. Like a lot.”
“I hate him,” I corrected her.
“You can be into people you hate.”
I stared at her, processing that. I guess maybe you could, and maybe I was. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. It’s never happening. I’d rather kill him than fuck him.”
Becca smiled. “God, that’d be some hot sex, though, right? All mean and rough and intense. Yum.”
She fanned herself with her hand. I dried my hair more vigorously, letting the towel curtain my face to hide the heat rising to my cheeks. Again my mind flashed to the way he’d pinned me to the ground, and again something hot twisted inside me. No. Bad dick.
“Maybe you just need to fuck it out of your system,” she dared to add, and I let the towel drop so I could glare at her. She actually seemed serious.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s it. Besides, aren’t you the one who told me to stay away from him?”
“Well, yeah, and I stand by that, because look at the absolute dumpster fire you become when you’re anywhere near him. But I’m not saying you should date the guy. Just have some absolutely filthy sex and then close that chapter for good.”
I glared at her, mouth opening to retort, but no words would come. I settled for glaring some more instead.
“Holy shit, you totally want to!” she basically squealed, and more heat rose to my cheeks.
“I do not!”
“Do too.”
“Do not.”
“Do too.”
“No!”
“Yes!”
I threw my damp towel at her, and she laughed as she caught it and flung it to the other side of my room.
“We are soooo getting you laid.”
“Shut up! No, we are not! Plus, he fucking hates me too.”
“You’re kidding, right? That man basically dry-humped you in the diner today for everyone to see.”
“That was a fight,” I corrected her.
“He calls you Rabbit.”
“Only because it pisses me off,” I huffed. Becca laughed way too hard at that. “It’s not funny.”
“I mean, it’s kind of funny. You. A rabbit?” she cackled. “I love you, JJ, but the only rabbit you could ever be is that one from Monty Python that eats people.”
I tried glaring at her, I really did, but I couldn’t help the smile that pulled on my lips or the laugh that followed, and soon we were both cackling like idiots on my bed over this entire ridiculous situation.
“Okay, so. Operation Fuck Dex is underway.” She beamed and then squealed as I grabbed a pillow to suffocate her with, mostly to distract us both from where this conversation was headed, because I was not at all ready to deal with that.
Even if my stomach fluttered with something dangerously similar to excitement at the prospect.
“Come on, Jonah, don’t be such a prude,” Becca continued the moment I released her from the pillow prison.
“It’s not like you’re a virgin.” I turned away from her, the silence suddenly so loud between us. “Wait, are you?”
“Does it matter?” I snapped a little too aggressively.
“No. Not at all,” she said, voice softer. “There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong if you never want to have sex either, you know that, right?”
“I know,” I responded quickly, but hearing that soothed me somewhat.
It felt like the whole world was so interested in sex sometimes, that I was missing out on something fundamental by not wanting it.
Like there was something wrong with me for not caring if I ever experienced it or not.
Until now. Now Dex had woken something up inside me that I didn’t know how to put back to sleep.
“Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to… you know. It should probably be, like, meaningful… right? The first time.”
Becca was quiet for a moment. She turned to face me, but when I refused to look back, she seemed to understand that I needed to be shielded, at least from being watched, as we had this conversation. She turned her gaze back to the ceiling.
“That’s entirely up to you, love. If you want it to be meaningful and special, then that’s fine.
But if you want my opinion on it, I think too much pressure and weight is put on losing your V-card.
There’s no reason the first time has to be any more meaningful than any time after that, and to be honest, the first time usually sucks anyway.
There’s no right time or right way to go about it, and anyone who tells you otherwise better mind their own fucking business. ”
A smile pulled at my lips. “What about you, then?”
“You are my business.”
“I like being your business.”
Her hand found mine on the bed, and she laced our fingers together. “I’m so glad I have you, JJ.”
I squeezed her hand back, refusing to look at her, refusing to let her see how much those words meant to me. When I could trust myself to speak, I said, “I’m glad I have you too.”
She turned to look at me again, but I still refused to look back until she snorted and whacked my arm playfully.
“God, Jonah, you’re so sensitive, damnnn.
” I turned and scowled at her, but I knew my face didn’t actually look anywhere near as menacing as I wanted it to.
“Okayyyy, so. Operation Fuck Dex?” She pumped her eyebrows at me. “Are we in? Or are we in?”