Chapter 16 Jonah - Past #2
I stared up at the roof, feeling my cheeks heat and my belly flutter with that new sensation that happened whenever I thought about Dex. “Hypothetically, if we were in… what would that plan look like?”
It was all supposed to be hypothetical, just talking about it as a vague concept, a stupid, really fucking bad idea that Becca and I would talk shit about and laugh over before stomping it to the ground like it deserved.
I hated Dex. I wasn’t actually going to try to fuck him.
It was just talk. Until it wasn’t. Until the days passed and Dex filled my mind more and more, his words, his stupid pretty face popped up in my thoughts all the fucking time.
Then there were my ever-evolving fantasies. They’d taken a highly unpleasant and unwanted turn following the new knowledge of what it felt like to be held down by him.
Maybe Becca was right. Maybe I needed to fuck it out of my system. Then my mind would know what it actually felt like, and I could stop imagining it and move the fuck on.
I still wasn’t convinced he’d be interested, but it wasn’t like I was going to throw myself at him or actually proposition him or anything.
I’d never put myself in a position again where Dex could reject me.
But if he were the one to come on to me, well…
maybe I wouldn’t be opposed to it. Just once.
“This is so stupid,” I groaned as I stared at myself in the mirror. Becca hovered behind me, her gaze scrutinizing as she looked over the outfit she’d put me in. I felt absolutely ridiculous. Becca was the most fashionable person I knew, but I had to wonder if she was joking with this.
The ripped black skinny jeans were acceptable, except maybe this pair had a few too many rips.
Still, I could get behind them. What I could not get behind was the chunky platform boots with so many buckles that they jingled every time I took a step and the sleeveless black turtleneck crop top that exposed my midsection.
I also couldn’t get behind the smudged black eyeliner rimming my eyes.
Well, I’d admit I liked it a little more than I’d expected to. I still felt ridiculous.
“It’s not stupid. Don’t insult my hard work like that. It’s fucking hot. You’re a goth baddie dream boy. Emo punk suits you. Dex is gonna come in his pants when he sees you, then he’s gonna tear all your clothes off like a wild animal, and it’s gonna be bye-bye virgin Jonah.”
“You are so gross,” I groaned, pulling away from her to go sit on her bed.
This entire plan seemed so dumb now. We didn’t even know if Dex was going to be at this party, and even if he was, I still wasn’t sure that fucking him was a good idea.
The fact remained that I fucking hated his guts, even if I also fantasized about him being up in mine. Gross, Jonah.
Becca hummed happily as she finished getting herself ready.
She wore a patent leather mini skirt over fishnet tights that absolutely would not keep her warm.
At least her boots covered most of her legs.
They were heeled, as if she needed any extra height.
She also wore a lacy deep-burgundy shirt over a black lace bra, a cropped black leather jacket, and more jewelry than most girls probably owned altogether.
“You look hot,” I sighed.
“We look hot,” she amended, and I rolled my eyes. “Are you ready to go?” she asked as she pulled out another leather jacket with studded shoulders from her wardrobe, this one for me.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I grumbled, taking it from her and shrugging into it.
Here goes nothing.
This party was in a house almost identical to the last one—with too many rooms, perfectly white walls, and beige furniture, like it came out of a magazine rather than being a place people actually lived in.
I honestly didn’t care for it. It was the kind of house my mom had always dreamed about, the kind she’d managed to get with Richard.
I spent most of my time trailing Becca and avoiding talking to anyone else, letting her do the speaking for us both.
Unlike last time, however, I felt the weight of people’s gazes far more intensely.
I found myself trailing the hem of my crop top with my fingertips, pulling it down only for it to ride back up again immediately.
It was too exposing, the neckline too constricting, like all the fabric was in the wrong place.
It made my skin itchy, and all my clothes seemed wrong.
I longed for my abandoned hoodie. This wasn’t me.
I didn’t like it. It was just as well that Dex wasn’t even here, because I didn’t want him to see me like this.
Who knew what infuriating fucking remarks he would make about it.
As Becca got caught in yet another conversation on our way to the kitchen for alcohol, I kept my gaze down and thought about what excuses I might give to get out of here.
Maybe I could at the very least sneak away and raid someone’s wardrobe for something that would cover me better.
I didn’t even know whose house we were in, or whose party this was.
I was about to reach for Becca, about to give her a look that I hoped would convey more than words could, when I felt it.
Felt him. I knew it was him, even before I turned around, because only his gaze was that heavy, that heated, that magnetic.
That pull between us was there, as it always was, growing stronger.
Before I could turn to find him, rough fingertips traced over my sides, just above the waistband of my jeans, on skin that was far too exposed and vulnerable.
The scent of leather and smoke and something deeper and oaky had my breath catching in my throat as lips ghosted over the shell of my ear.
“Have you had anything to drink?” Dex asked.
I couldn’t remember how to breathe, let alone speak, but I still shook my head in response.
“Good. Keep it that way. I gotta see a guy about a thing, but then I’m coming to find you, Rabbit. Wait for me.”
Then he was gone again. My pulse thundered beneath my skin, the ghost of where he’d touched still tingling, sending ripples of heat and want and excitement and fear over the entirety of me.
Maybe it was the outfit that had me feeling vulnerable, maybe it was this stupid half-baked plan Becca had talked me into, but the urge to punch him was second to the urge to see what would happen if I did what he said, just this once.
“I saw that.” Becca gave me a Cheshire cat smile that was honestly a little creepy. She hooked her arm with mine, apparently done with her conversation and I hadn’t even noticed. “Shall we get a drink to settle the nerves, love?”
Keep it that way. I swallowed and shook my head.
This definitely didn’t feel so hypothetical anymore.