Chapter 17 Jonah - Past
seventeen
Jonah - Past
BOOTS.
This was a terribly bad, no-good idea.
I didn’t know what the fuck Dex was here to do, but he’d disappeared a while ago now, and I was starting to think he’d just left me here.
Maybe that was his new method of messing with me, just leaving me waiting.
I didn’t even know what I was waiting for.
He hadn’t specified that part. Just told me to wait as he went off to “see a guy about a thing.” What the fuck did that even mean?
I didn’t have a drink to settle my nerves, as Becca had suggested, because he’d told me not to, and I’d listened. Why the fuck had I listened?
Well, I was done listening. Becca, as usual, was caught up in conversation with someone I really didn’t want to talk to, so with a gentle squeeze to her shoulder, I left her side, wandering into the kitchen to see if I could figure out what the alcohol situation was here.
Fortunately, it was empty for the moment, so I could poke around without anyone watching me.
After I’d successfully located a bottle of vodka and some lemonade in the fridge and filled my cup, I was already feeling more optimistic—at least until there was a “tsk” from behind me. I almost dropped my cup when I jumped, spinning to find Dex leaning against the doorway.
Pale eyes looked from me down to the cup in my hands, locking onto it for a long moment before he shook his head in disapproval and turned to leave. Panic clawed at my chest—sudden, confusing, and unwelcome. I slammed the cup down on the counter and followed him.
Dex had made his way across the room already, through the drunken crowd toward the door. I pushed through the bodies between us, catching the sleeve of his leather jacket just as he made it to the exit.
He tugged out of my hold. I frowned and grabbed him again. My chest constricted, my throat tight with guilt.
This time he spun, large hands grasping my shoulders as he flipped us, pushing me against the wall beside the door. I felt the shift of a frame at my back, but I hardly cared, too busy glaring at the man who held me there.
With the platform boots we were the same height, yet somehow I still felt smaller, boxed in between his arms. “Let me go,” I warned him as heat rose over my chest and neck.
“You’re the one who grabbed me, Rabbit.” His expression seemed more amused now, and I preferred that to the disappointment I’d seen on him in the kitchen.
I opened my mouth to retort, but what could I say? He was right. When I’d thought he was leaving, I’d needed to chase after him.
His eyes dropped to my lips for a moment before he frowned again, his hands releasing me as he took a step back. “Pity.”
“I didn’t drink,” I said quickly, barely stopping myself from reaching for him again before he could retreat any further.
A scarred eyebrow rose in question, lips pursing in disbelief. “I told you to wait for me.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” I shot back, unable to help myself.
“You’re right. And you made your choice.”
This time when he shifted away, I didn’t stop myself reaching out to grab the front of his jacket. “You took too long. I thought you’d left.”
“Mmm.” He made a contemplative noise and stepped in closer than he was before. “So it’s my fault, is it? That my little rabbit got so impatient.”
“I’m not yours.”
He chuckled. “You want to be.”
More heat flooded my face, flooded my whole body. I pushed him away. “Do not.”
Dex rolled his eyes. “Then why are you sulking?”
“I’m not!” I realized only then that I was pouting and crossing my arms like a petulant child, and dropped them.
“Be honest with me and maybe I’ll stay.” His smile was slow as he stepped in.
I wanted to push him away. I wanted to pull him closer. Instead of doing either, I let my eyes drop to that stupid tattoo on his neck, letting him advance on me until he was only inches away. So close and yet still not touching me. If I just leaned forward slightly…
“Who are you all dressed up for, Rabbit?”
I couldn’t think of a suitable response, not when his fingertips found the exposed skin of my waist, featherlight, his touch barely there and yet it was all I could focus on. “N-no one.”
“Mhmm…” He nodded slowly. “You should be honest with me.”
“I am.”
“You’re not.” He sounded so certain. Like he knew me so well. Well, he didn’t. He was quiet for a long moment, fingers tracing my skin as he waited for a confession I was determined not to give him. “Last chance,” he warned, inching closer. “Who did you get dressed up for?”
I bit my lip to stop myself from answering, not trusting my tongue.
Then his leg pressed between mine, and my knees almost went weak.
“Pity your mouth isn’t as honest as this.” His voice was low and raspy as he angled his thigh up into the growing bulge in my pants. It was all I could do not to whimper pathetically. “But I’ll accept it.”
Laughter from someone nearby sent a stab of panic into my core. I’d never done anything like this before, and knowing I was now, here, with him, and there were people here to witness it, made me feel physically nauseous.
Dex turned toward the laughter, and whoever was making it immediately quieted down. I didn’t look to see who it was. My eyes locked on his shirt, my cheeks still flamed with embarrassment. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be doing this. I should just leave.
“I need to go.” I pushed at his chest.
“You’re not running away this time, Rabbit.” He stepped back, but only enough for me to feel like I could breathe again. “Come with me.”
It sounded like a demand, but before I could argue with him, he turned and walked away from me. Oddly, I felt more vulnerable without his body there to shield me from prying eyes.
I took one long look at the front door, right beside me, before following Dex back through the crowd.
He made his way up the stairs, and my chest tightened as I followed him, uncertain of our destination and what would happen when we got there.
Ahead of me, he opened doors along the hallway until he found an empty room and stepped inside, waiting for me to follow. I did, then he shut the door behind us. The click of the lock felt as loud as a gunshot. Like something foreboding.
It was a bedroom. Beige and boring in decor, yet I’d never felt more intimidated by a room.
I eyed the bed like it was a weapon set on my destruction, staying stuck in place right by the door.
It wasn’t too late to run. I was pretty sure I could unlock the door and make it out of here faster than he could stop me.
Would he stop me? He hadn’t dragged me here after all.
I’d followed him on my own. Why had I done that? Stupid, Jonah. Stupid, stupid, stupid—
“Hey.” My attention snapped from the bed to Dex. He was sitting on the edge, his legs spread wide, hands extended behind him casually, like he did this kind of thing all the time. Maybe he does. The thought sat in my gut like a stone. “You okay over there?”
I nodded. “Fine.”
“Mhmm, so why don’t you come over here, then?”
It was a good question, a perfectly acceptable question. Why else would I have followed him up here if it wasn’t for… whatever this was? Fuck, I didn’t even know what he was expecting to happen here. “No.”
“No?”
“No.”
“Okay?” he said, extending the word out as if he was waiting for me to elaborate on that. I didn’t want to elaborate on that. He sighed before standing and coming over to me. My eyes found his boots—black, dusty, scuffed, with thick soles that probably gave him an extra inch of height. “Jonah.”
Hearing my name was a shock. Not Rabbit, not City Boy, but Jonah. My eyes snapped up to find his, searching, looking for answers to a question we both knew but hadn’t voiced. A question I wasn’t sure I wanted him to find an answer to.
“I hate you,” I blurted.
“Okay,” was his response. As simple as that. He didn’t seem offended, or surprised, or angry. Just okay.
“I do.”
“I believe you.”
“Well, good. As long as you know.”
The corner of his lip pulled up in a smile. “Did you follow me up here just to tell me you hate me?”
“No.”
“Then why did you follow me, Rabbit?”
I grunted.
“Answer me.”
“No.”
He stepped in closer, and I backed up to get away from him, until my back was against the wall.
I could have gone for the door, but I didn’t.
I let myself get trapped by him. Again. Dex gripped my chin between his thumb and finger, tilting my head up to look at him.
He was gentle, and I wished he wasn’t. This soft touch left me with too much ability to think.
I didn’t want to think. I wanted whatever had happened in the diner, when he took control of the situation, of me.
Why did he have to be gentle? Why did he have to look at me now like he cared?
“Talk to me,” he demanded, but even that sounded soft.
“No.”
His eye twitched, and I could tell he was trying to keep himself composed. I wished he wouldn’t.
“Do you want me, Jonah?”
“No.”
“Then why are we here?”
“Because!” I snapped, growing more frustrated.
How was I supposed to vocalize my thoughts?
They made no sense to me. They weren’t normal.
They were twisted and unknown, too big and too deep inside me.
I didn’t know how to get them out, but like a beast thrashing in a cage, they demanded release. Demanded him.
Dex sighed, keeping eye contact with me for a long time, trying to read me. See it. See me. Don’t make me tell you. I willed it, pushing the thoughts through air heavy with tension. Heavy with us.
“You look pretty tonight,” he said, releasing my chin and taking a step back. Resignation passed over his face, and with it more panic, twisted desire, and regret swirled inside me. He turned toward the door. I pushed him because I didn’t know what else to do.
“God fucking damn it, Jonah!” he snapped. Finally. He shoved me back until I slammed against the wall. Yes. That was it. “What the fuck is your problem?”