33. Sebastian
Chapter thirty-three
Sebastian
W e enter my office. It is still devoid of personal effects, but I did bring in a framed photo of Iris and me from our bike ride that I planned to display once Iris gave the okay.
“You were right that we should have concealed our relationship,” I say. “Maybe we can prove to him that we’re both honorable and not about to defraud the company. He doesn’t need to worry about this conflict. If he works with us in these senior roles for a while, he’ll realize this.”
“So you’re suggesting we put our relationship on pause—‘break up’ for him—and then see if we can persuade him down the line?” she asks.
“No, I don’t want to break up,” I say immediately. I don’t. I can’t.
Her eyes are sad, and she looks away. “I don’t think we can lie to him about our relationship. That wouldn’t inspire trust.”
“You’re right,” I say. “There has to be a solution other than one of us stepping down or our breaking up.”
“I don’t want to step down,” Iris says. “This is an amazing career opportunity for me—and if I’m realistic, it’s one I may not get again because cybersecurity is so male-dominated. And by the time I prove myself at another company, it’ll be time to have kids and I’ll have to step back. And I definitely can’t work for Hank. He’ll make me do all the work, but he’ll take all the credit.”
“You can’t step down,” I say. “There has to be a third way.”
She squares her shoulders and stares at me. Does she want me to step down? But…
I do have a fallback. My dad’s company. My chest feels tight.
“You can’t step down either,” she says. “Not when you’ve finally earned your dad’s approval.”
I exhale. She’s not suggesting I work at my dad’s company. She’s not Melody.
I nod. “It’s not just about my dad’s approval. I also took this job because I wanted to work in the film industry—and because Bob said I’d be the GC in two years. And it’s not exactly easy for me to get another GC position. Though, yes, I could find another job and hope again that I could prove myself and eventually become GC. But there’s no guarantee. There has to be a third way.”
The GC position my dad mentioned. But I don’t want to be a nepo hire. Iris has made her opinion of nepo hires very clear.
Her shoulders slump. “I don’t think there’s a third way. And the thing is”—she swallows—“one of us could give up the management position and we could keep dating, but it would poison our relationship. That person would always be bitter. Not immediately, maybe. But what if the person who gives this up never makes GC or CISO again? That’s definitely going to fester.” She sighs. “I just got out of that relationship—where my career was resented. Patrick missed that signing opportunity for me. I can’t do that again.”
“What are you saying?” I ask.
“I’m saying there’s no good solution.” Her eyes, brimming with tears, meet mine.
“Are you saying we should break up?” I can’t believe this. Isn’t she willing to fight for us? She’s not even thinking this through. “I can step down.”
“No, you can’t. Because I can’t let you. And what will your dad think? If you do that for a woman? When he wants you to be some cold financier type?”
“My dad wants me to be happy. I think that’s what he just realized. You make me happy.”
“And you make me happy. I’ve been floating these past few days,” she says, wiping her eyes. Her phone beeps. “But let’s end it on this happy note. I don’t want to watch you have regrets and become bitter. I don’t think I can survive a betrayal like that again.” She walks over to me and reaches out to hold my hands.
I turn away. This is not what I want.
“We’re under a DoS attack. I have to go,” she says from behind me.
A denial-of-service attack. Ironic. I feel like I’m under a denial of our relationship attack.
I turn back around. “I can’t believe you’re not willing to fight for our relationship.”
There’s a knock on my door, and then Bob sticks his head in. “Ready to meet again?”
“We have another DoS attack. I was just telling Sebastian.” She walks out the door, past Bob.
“Can you give me a few minutes and I’ll meet you in your office?” I say to Bob.
How can she switch so quickly into professional mode? I feel like the floor was just pulled out from under me. We broke up .
Another woman who is willing to give me up. Not willing to go the distance.
Another woman who isn’t willing to fight for me.
And the thing is, love requires that. I’ve seen it in my parents’ marriage. It means facing tough times together. My parents’ marriage has definitely had its ups and downs. My mom has been frustrated with how much my dad works. My dad hasn’t always felt appreciated for all the stress he lives with. I don’t want to date someone who calls it quits at the first sign of trouble. Or give up the GC position for that either.
But she’s also right. That if I did give up the GC title, and if I never got promoted again and I was always Associate General Counsel, wouldn’t that bother me? Or if I took the GC position my dad mentioned, could I prove myself—and ignore the whispers that I got the job because of my dad?
I stare out the window at the choppy waves of the Hudson River. I have to be honest and say I’m ambitious enough that it would bother me if I was never GC or if I took a job and my colleagues viewed me as a nepo hire like Hank. Maybe it wouldn’t—maybe I’d be so happy with Iris that I would think it was worth it. But can I tell that now? We’ve only been dating for three days.
She’s right. There are no good choices.