Chapter 49
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Cole
My brothers and I sit on the sectional, staring at my phone that is sitting on the coffee table in front of us. The Serendipity logo stares at us, but none of us can bring ourselves to hit play.
I don’t want to be here, and I definitely don’t want to listen to the latest episode of Riley’s podcast. I’m only sitting here because my best friend has a magical ability to convince me to do just about anything.
“You need to listen to the latest Serendipity episode,” Abby says. Her eyes stay locked on me as she takes a sip of her coffee.
“Why on earth would I want to do that?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Obviously,” I drawl, taking a drink from my own mug.
“Then… just trust me on this.”
“Abs. I can’t. I don’t want to hear her voice. I hate her.”
“Do you?”
“Yes,” I say with a nod.
“I don’t think you hate her. I think you love her, and you’re devastated she left.”
The truth in her words shoots straight to my heart.
She continues. “I think there’s a part of you that understands why she did what she did. I think you’re even a little proud of her for doing what was best for her, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurt you in the process.”
I don’t know what the hell to say because she’s fucking right, so I just run my hand over my face.
“If you can’t listen to it for yourself, do it for Mav. You know he loves her,” she says.
So, that’s how I find myself here alongside Theo and Finn, ready to listen to the podcast. Finn wanted to watch the video version, but I refused.
The thought of hearing her voice is almost more than I can handle right now. Seeing her on the screen would be a level of pain I’m not ready to cope with.
I shoot off a quick text to Abby, letting her know that I’m about to start it. I might regret this, but I don’t know what else to do.
“Ready?” Finn asks.
“Yeah,” Theo says.
I nod, resting my head on the back of the couch. My eyes close in anticipation.
Her voice floats from the phone’s speakers. After agonizing months without her, the sound is like a jolt of electricity to my heart.
“Hey there, fellow romantics, and welcome to another episode of Serendipity.”
My eyes stay clamped shut while I listen to her guide us, the listeners, through three different love stories. They’re all beautiful and heartwarming, but each one of them makes my heart hurt a little more.
It’s a stark reminder of everything I thought we could have with Riley, but sadly don’t.
I love Abby dearly, but I am really starting to second-guess our friendship. This is fucking brutal, and I don’t understand the purpose in making me listen to it.
I can’t bring myself to pry my eyes open because I can’t bear to look at either of my brothers. I am sure the looks on their faces would be enough to push me over the edge.
The tone in Riley’s voice changes as she continues to narrate. I can hear the emotion welling inside of her with each word she speaks.
“I can’t truthfully depict the love stories like these in Aspen Springs without sharing my own story.
” She lets out a small laugh, and my guard immediately goes up.
“That’s right. I am a small piece in the framework of this story because these aren’t the only three relationships like this in the small mountain town. ”
My eyes spring open now. I glance to my right. Finn is leaning closer to the phone, as if he gets close enough, he might be able to reach out and touch her through it. The grip Theo has on his thighs is sure to leave marks.
“I spent a month in Aspen Springs preparing for this episode. During that time, I fell in love with three incredible men.”
Everything inside of me lurches to a halt. She loves us? Me? I’ve been acutely aware of the fact that she didn’t return the sentiment when I told her I loved her.
She really loves us?
“Some people might say that is too short a time to fall for someone, let alone three, but when you know you know… and all that. There’s a tangled history with all three men that goes back nearly a decade.
I promise I’ll get to that later… if they’re okay with it and there ends up being more of this story to tell. ”
Riley is always so sure of herself when she talks on her podcast. It’s wild to hear her rambling. The layers of emotions are evident in the way she speaks.
Most people probably wouldn’t notice, but I know her. There are only a few people on this planet I know as well as I know her.
“I have always been a true romantic at heart, but I have major trust issues because of my past. When the seriousness of our relationship hit me, I panicked. I was in love with them, but I couldn’t let myself accept it. I knew then and there I wasn’t ready to give them what they deserved.”
My elbows rest on my knees, my face leaning on my intertwined hands.
“I’ve spent the last two months trying to heal myself. I’m not crazy enough to think this is something that can happen in that short of a time, but I have come a long way with the help of a wonderful therapist.”
She has been going to therapy. Pride swells within me. I want to keep hating her, but I only want what is best for her.
Abby was right. I am happy Riley took the step to heal the part of her that has always felt like she wasn’t worthy enough for people to stick around for.
“I did this for me, but it was always with the end goal of getting them back. I want to be able to give them all of me without the constant panic drawing me away. I don’t know if they’ll ever be able to forgive me, but I have to take that chance.
I want them to know that they mean everything to me.
In my perfect world, the vision of my future is woven with theirs. I want us to build a life together.”
She lets out a choked sob that tears at my heart. I can tell it gets to my brothers, too.
“But if they can’t forgive me or have fallen out of love with me, I’ll accept that.
At least I have told my truth. I won’t ever love anyone the way I love them.
Even if we only ever get those few weeks together, I will be forever grateful.
If there is more of this story to tell, I’ll be back with part two…
if not, I guess you know how this story ends. ”
I don’t even know how to process all of this.
“Well… until next time, enjoy finding romance in the most unexpected ways.” She pauses. When she speaks again, it feels like it’s whispered right into my ear. “And guys… I do. I love you with my whole heart. Go open the front door… please.”
That’s it. The episode is over.
What? My eyes widen, and I’m not the only one. Theo and Finn look at me with matching expressions.
“Does she mean right now?” Finn asks.
“I don’t know,” I say.
Finn stumbles his way over to the door and swings it open. Riley stands there looking like she’s about ready to puke.
“Hey,” she says quietly. Finn stares at her, like he can’t really believe she’s here. I don’t think any of us can. “Can I please talk to you guys?”
Finn hesitates for only a second before opening the door wider. She steps past Finn, stopping on the far side of the couch.
Her eyes lock on each of us for a moment. The tears building in her eyes grow more evident each time her gaze shifts between us.
“Did you listen to the podcast?” she asks.
“Yes,” Theo says. His tone is flat, not giving any of his emotions away.
She nods, like she’s trying to hype herself up. “Okay… that’s good.” Her eyes dart around to each of us again. “I have gone over what I wanted to say to you guys a hundred times in my head, but now that I’m here, my mind is kind of blanking out.”
She drags in a deep breath, seeming to compose herself.
“I want to apologize for leaving. I know things were different this time, but I still left. I know the chances of you all forgiving me are probably slim, but I needed you all to know the truth before I could move on. And if there’s even the tiniest chance of you loving me back, I had to try.
” She’s obviously trying to keep herself from crying, but her eyes are glossy.
“Did you mean it?” Finn asks, his vulnerability blatantly clear. “What you said in the podcast?”
She looks at him, eyes going misty. “Every single word.”
Finn swallows, nodding several times. Then, he’s closing the space between them and wrapping his arms around her.
She stands there, too stunned to move for several seconds, before winding her arms around his waist. She lets out a strangled sound, burying her face in his shirt. I can’t see her face, but I can tell she’s crying.
She tilts her head back, waiting until he gazes into her eyes. “I love you, Finn. You make my world a happier place by being in it.”
“I love you, too,” he says quietly.
“You do?” she asks, sounding baffled by his admission.
“Yeah, angel. Loving you isn’t something I can stop. I’m pretty sure it’s a forever kind of thing,” he says with a small smile.
She presses up on her toes and kisses him. He pulls away, pressing one more kiss to her temple before stepping back.
She turns to face Theo and me, where we’re standing on the opposite side of the couch. Her eyes roam between the two of us, uncertainty evident with every shift of her gaze.
Theo breaks the silence. “It hurt, but I’m glad you did what you needed to do for you.”
She takes a tentative step toward him but stops. “I know I hurt you, and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that.” The tears she was holding back cascade down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Theo.”
He’s quiet for several heartbeats before gesturing to her with his hand. “Come here.”
She rounds the couch and falls into his arms. I can hear her mumbling her continued apologies against his shoulder.
He eases her back so that they can look at one another. He presses a single finger to her lips, silencing her.
“Shh…” he whispers. “You aren’t perfect, but who is? We’re all human, and we make mistakes. Sometimes big ones.”
She lets out a choked laugh.
“You did what you needed to do,” he presses one hand against her chest, “for your heart,” he grazes one finger across her temple and into her hair, “and for your mind. You did what you needed to do for you.”
“H-how… how can you just be so understanding with all of this? Why aren’t you mad?” she stammers between sobs.
“Two things can be true at the same time, but I love you… and that trumps anything else,” he says, swiping her tears away with his thumbs.
“Theo,” she whimpers, wrapping her hands around his forearms. “I love you. I love you so damn much. You make me a better person.”
“Fuck,” Theo says on an exhale, and then he presses his lips to hers. He moves to kiss away the tears on her cheeks, holding onto her until her breaths are more even. She gives him one last kiss before stepping away.
Her eyes are on the ground, but they slowly make their way up my body. Finally, her eyes collide with mine. She looks fucking terrified.
“Cole,” she rasps, and all the work Theo just put in to calm her down goes out the window. Tears instantly start to pour from her eyes. “I… I know… there is no way for you to forgive me. I have hurt you too much.”
She claws at her chest, stuttering in shallow breaths as she cries. “I get it. I really do. I just need you to know that I love you. I loved you back then, and I love you now.”
Her eyes fall back to the ground. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I can’t take it anymore. I close the distance between us in three steps and cradle the back of her head, holding her against me.
She looks up at me with wide eyes full of shock. “Wh… what are you doing?”
“I can’t bear to watch you cry and not comfort you.”
“Oh,” she breathes. Her gaze drops once again. “But you still hate me.”
Believe me, I’ve tried over the last two months, but I couldn’t do it. “I don’t hate you. I love you too much for that.”
Her head jerks back up. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“How? How can you still love me?”
“I’m not saying I’m not still hurt by what happened, but I’m also proud of you.”
Her eyebrows draw together. “Me?”
“Yes, you, sweetheart.” I wipe away some of her tears. “You put yourself first. I’m proud of you for doing the work to heal the things inside you that others tainted. I know how hard that is.”
She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.
“We will figure it out,” I say. I don’t know if I’m trying to reassure her or myself more.
She leans up on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I love you,” she whispers in my ear.
A shiver races down my spine. I waited eight years to hear her say those words to me. It’s hard to believe it’s actually happening.
“I love you, too,” I say, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.
She moves to my side, lacing her fingers through mine.
“So… you really want to do this?” Finn asks, motioning around the room to all of us.
Riley’s face softens. “Yeah, I do.”