Chapter 21
Twenty-One
“Iwould not have taken you for a romantic,” Sebastian chuckled as he took a sip of brandy.
“Oh?” Lord Livingston remarked as he took a sip himself. “And why is that?”
“A bachelor like you,” Sebastian offered. “Might I ask how old you are?”
Lord Livingston laughed. “Not as old as I might look. But you are correct to be wary. And believe me when I tell you that you are not the first to think such things of me. But alas, romance is in my blood, and there it remains.”
“Might I ask why you have remained single all this time?”
“I thought I was here to discuss business,” Lord Livingston quipped. “Not tales of my less-than-happy pursuit of wedded bliss.”
“I am sorry…” Sebastian grimaced. “I just find myself in a bit of a situation.” He scoffed. “And I suppose I was hoping to mine your experiences for some advice. Forget I asked.”
“No, no, it is fine,” Lord Livingston assured him. “Care to tell me your concern? That way, I will know how to shape my own story.”
“Definitely not,” Sebastian laughed. “All you need to know is that I am married, it is not what I expected, and I have yet to decide what is to be done. Or rather, if it is worth doing anything.”
“Ah, yes…” He winked. “A common situation experienced by men of our class. A marriage forced upon us, fought against, only to realize that these things are generally for life. To live apart or find common ground and hope something akin to happiness is born from it?”
“Something like that.”
Lord Livingston shrugged. “I cannot speak to your own experience, nor do I intend to. All I know is that love – true love — is not such an easy thing to find. Few men ever do, and even then, it does not always last. But let me tell you, and this comes from a man who has loved and lost…” He shook his head with sadness.
“Whatever the cost, whatever the prices we must pay, the result is always worth it. Even if it lasts a second, make that the most glorious second to ever exist here on this earth.”
“Huh…” Sebastian frowned. “So, if there is a chance…”
“Take it,” he said with a sly wink. “As I intend to. You know, when that special someone comes along.”
Sebastian found himself retreating into his own thoughts as he mulled over what Lord Livingston had just said, pairing it with his current situation in ways he had not expected to.
This meeting, one that had come from nowhere and looked to be proving profitable, was only ever meant to be about business.
Lord Livingston was new in town, was in search of investments pertaining to land he owned in the north, and had managed to secure a sit-down with Sebastian.
The man is persistent, I will give him that.
But if what he offers is true, I get the sense that I will be doing a lot of business with him in the near future.
But none of that was important. At least not as important as it should have been.
Their conversation had turned to marriage, although Sebastian could not say how.
Despite himself, he had shifted the topic toward his own marriage, prying Lord Livingston for advice that was desperately needed.
The man was a neutral party and thus impartial in Sebastian’s esteem.
What was more, he was surprisingly eloquent, and what he had said just now hit home a little harder than Sebastian had anticipated.
All day now, Sebastian had been thinking about what to do concerning Margot.
To give their marriage a chance? To not take the risk and leave it where it lay?
A battle is raging inside of me, the likes of which I have never known.
No victor yet… but Lord Livingston had certainly given me much to think on.
He needed to speak again with his wife. Still, he did not know what would be said. But something had to be! And hopefully, the result would not be as painful as it had been last evening.
“You’ve given me much to think on,” Sebastian said.
“I’m glad I could help,” he laughed.
“But enough of that.” Sebastian finished his glass of brandy and waved Lord Livingston down. “We’re here to talk business – I must say, I am surprised I have never heard of you.”
“Not so surprising,” Lord Livingston shrugged.
He had a face that one would not forget, simply because it was so symmetrical and sharp.
High cheekbones, deep-set eyes of blue, and a smile that was knowing and intelligent.
No doubt the man was a hit with the ladies, albeit not the one his heart had yearned for.
“I have spent much of my life overseas and in the north. I rarely make it this far south.”
“Unless there is money to be made!” Sebastian laughed.
“Precisely.”
“Speaking of which, shall we discuss –” He was cut off by a knock at the door. “Yes?” Sebastian spoke over the lord’s shoulder.
The door gently opened, and through it stepped Margot. The sight of her caused a reaction inside Sebastian that he should have expected, even if it did catch him by surprise. His chest tightened. His stomach flipped. And his brow began to sweat as his pulse quickened.
Despite all that had happened, he still found her to be a beauty of unmatched desire.
She was dressed simply, her gown loose-fitting and in no way suggestive of the curves trapped beneath.
But it was her eyes that he found and focused on, her full lips, her soft skin.
Am I insane for turning her away? Most would think so.
“Oh…” She hesitated when she saw he was with company. “I am sorry. I did not –”
“Not at all.” Sebastian rose quickly. “Is there something you need?” He was surprised that she came to see him, a sign is what it was, one that he would do well to heed.
“I…” She looked across the room, noticing the back of Lord Livingston’s head. “You are with company.”
“Oh, yes…” He shook his head. “Silly me. This is Lord Livingston. And Lord Livingston, I would like for you to meet my wife.”
“Ah, yes.” Lord Livingston rose and turned, smiling broadly for Margot. “The infamous duchess. It is so nice to meet you.” He crossed the room for her. “I have heard nothing but wonderful things.”
Margot stood frozen as Lord Livingston reached her. Her eyes were wide, her expression one of the utmost shock. So frozen was she that she did not move to offer Lord Livingston her hand, forcing him to take it and give the back of it a kiss.
“I… I…” She looked between Sebastian and Lord Livingston. “I should go.”
“You do not have to,” Sebastian said quickly. “Please, you wanted something?”
“N – no,” she stammered quickly, looking away. “It is fine.” And as quickly as she had come, she was gone.
Sebastian frowned as he looked after her, wondering only for a moment at the strangeness of her reaction, understanding it just as quickly. She is still angry with me. Still, she wonders about my intentions. I cannot blame her, yet I also wonder why she had finally come to see me…
He could only assume that a moment of bravery had forced her hand, but seeing him with company had quickly dashed it. It was frustrating to say the least, because Sebastian needed the push – the reason to speak with her and tell her the truth. Only now, he wondered if he did.
That she had come to see him again was surely a sign. He had wondered long and hard if he should take a chance with her and admit his feelings and the reason he was so scared of them. And now, he had his answer. Helped by Lord Livingston, who had said exactly what he needed to hear.
“She is a beauty,” Lord Livingston said as he sat himself down. “You are a lucky man.”
“Yes…” A smile crept up the side of his face as he came to a decision. “I am.”
It was an hour later when Sebastian found himself at Margot’s bedroom door. His heart thundered inside his chest. His breathing was a storm. And sweat was beading on his forehead while his nerves wreaked their own sort of havoc.
It must be done. No more running. No more lying to myself. At the very least, she deserves the truth, and once she has it, she can decide how she feels.
He knocked once and awaited the reply.
“Yes?” her voice called softly.
A deep breath, and Sebastian entered the room.
She was sitting at the table, staring blankly at the tabletop; there was no book, no ink or parchment. Just her thoughts. But when he entered, she looked up, seeing him step inside the room, and she grimaced and looked away.
“Margot…” He hesitated by the doorway. “We… I…” He swallowed his nerves. “There is something we need to speak of.”
She exhaled as if she had been expecting it. “As do I. That man you were with –”
“No, not him,” Sebastian spoke over her, wondering why she cared about Lord Livingston. “It is us I wish to speak of.”
“Oh…” She blinked, and behind her eyes, he could see her fighting an urge to speak. Rather, she nodded once for him to continue.
“Two nights ago, when we spoke in the garden…” He crossed the room but stopped short of her, as if to get too close might see her leap from the chair and run. “I told you how I felt about you. Or rather…” He sucked through his teeth. “I told you of my attraction to you.”
“You did.”
“More than that, I apologized for how I have been behaving. That it is not your fault. That I am the one who has forced this situation. That the blame lies with me.”
“I remember…” Her voice was distant as if she were remembering the conversation.
“I told you many things,” he laughed awkwardly. “The only thing I did not tell you was the truth.” Sebastian wanted to look away, worried she would see the shame in his eyes. But he forced himself to stare at her. “The reason that I have been acting this way.”
He looked at her, waiting for her to speak, but she said nothing. Not surprising. I know how she feels, just as I know that this is on me to fix.