Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Margot had never felt so torn. She was pacing the room in a frenzy, wanting to focus on the good while unable to think of anything but the bad.
Maybe it is nothing. A mere coincidence. What if he already knew? That would surely mean that there is no reason to panic. But if he did not know, then I should have told him. But how could I!
She tried to calm herself by thinking about what had just happened, a moment that should have brought her nothing but joy.
Finally, Sebastian had opened up to her, told her the truth of it all, and expressed his feelings as she could not have foreseen.
And their kiss… still, she felt him on her lips, a taste that she hoped would never die.
It was good news. It was exactly what she wanted to hear.
And was it not for that which plagued her, she would have been dancing with joy because starting tomorrow, this marriage would finally be given a chance to turn into something more than either could have dreamed.
It is only the beginning, but that we are both willing to try, that is the most I can hope for.
Sadly, things were not that simple.
She wanted to think only of Sebastian and that kiss. She wanted to picture what tomorrow might bring. She wanted to look into the future, wondering how her life might look. But whenever she did, another face haunted her thoughts, and a cold shudder ran through her spine, so she wanted to scream.
How had this happened? Why had it happened? It couldn’t be a coincidence. It couldn’t be a mere happenstance. Not where he was concerned.
It was the man whom her husband was now meeting with, the same one that she had stumbled upon earlier in Sebastian’s study.
He called himself Lord Livingston and acted as if he did not know her, but it was all a ruse because he knew her as well as she knew him. And she loathed him with all her being.
That man, one whom she had hoped to never speak with or see again, was none other than Lord Ashcombe.
He is here for me. But to what end? Knowing Lord Ashcombe, it can only be bad.
Margot bit her lip as she tried to figure out what this might mean.
Sebastian had said that he was giving the man a loan.
So was money what he was after? Was he going to take the loan and run?
Laughing all the way at once against disrupting her life?
That felt too simple and small for a man as repugnant as Lord Ashcombe.
There was more to this than she knew, and that thought filled her with fear.
I should have said something. I should have told Sebastian before he left. But how could I! After what he’d just confessed. How happy he was. And what if I am wrong and this is all a misunderstanding…
The question thus became, what was she going to do now?
She knew the answer, even if she spent many hours trying to convince herself otherwise.
What she would have liked to have done was nothing, pretending she had not seen him, going into tomorrow with nothing but hope in her heart and an eye toward the future.
Alas, she knew that would not do, for surely Sebastian would find out eventually.
And then, he would wonder why she did not tell him the truth.
Thus, when Sebastian returned, Margot decided with much pain and worry that she would need to sit him down and tell him the truth. And then pray that it was not too late…
It was late when Sebastian arrived home. Margot did not know the time exactly, just that she had been sitting on her bed as the anticipation built inside of her.
She heard him walk up the steps and down the hall. She saw his shadow pass by her door as he made for his room. She heard the door open and then close, and that was when she finally acted.
Her body was shaking as she exited her room. She could hardly breathe. But she walked to Sebastian’s door and knocked before she lost the nerve.
“Yes?” Sebastian’s voice called from inside.
“Sebastian…” She popped the door open and stepped into the room.
He was sitting on the bed, taking off his boots. When he saw her there, a wicked grin spread across his face. “Well, this is a most unexpected surprise. Margot…” He clicked his tongue, his tone playful. “I thought we agreed to take things slow.”
She remained by the doorway, not daring to walk further into the room. “We… there is something we need to discuss.”
He laughed. “That is one word for it.” Sebastian then kicked off his final boot and stood, quick to start across the room.
“Wait.” She shot up a hand to stop him. He paused mid-step, only just now seeing the worried look on her face.
“I am not here for…” She was shaking, her words tripping from her tongue so that she could hardly speak.
And whenever she tried to look at him, she felt a stab of guilt. “I am not here for that.”
“You… what is wrong? Did I do something? What happened?”
“It is nothing that you did.”
“What then?” He laughed nervously. “Margot, you’re scaring me. Do not tell me…” More nervous laughter. “You have changed your mind already? I had hoped we would at least make it through breakfast.”
“No,” she said. “Of course, I have not. This is not –” She caught her tongue, forcing herself to meet her husband’s eyes. She let the pain show in them, needing him to understand that this wasn’t about him. “There is something I need to tell you.”
“Alright…”
“That man I saw you with earlier.” She swallowed, again unable to look directly at Sebastian. “He told you his name was Lord Livingston?”
“That’s right…” he spoke slowly, unease lacing his tone. “What of him?”
“And the business you had with him. To what nature… what did he want?”
“Margot.” He laughed again, the nerves growing. “I am sorry, but that is hardly your concern.”
“You said it was a loan.” She spoke into her chest, her body shaking. “And did you… Did you complete the loan?”
“Such matters are not –”
“Please!” She snapped her head up and stared at him, her eyes pleading. “Tell me. Did you loan him money?”
There must have been something about the way she was looking at him that forced the issue.
She saw a spike of unease flash behind his eyes, and he leaned back, his neck turning red.
“I did. But it is perfectly legitimate. He owns land in the north that I plan on buying off him. The loan was a downpayment – a mere fraction of what I will be paying him once the paperwork is completed. Why does it matter? What is going on?”
She groaned. I am too late. Although, as I said, this is likely just the beginning. “He is not who he says,” she spoke softly, her chin quivering and her words becoming lost in her throat.
“What?” he blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I should have told you – I was going to tell you. But I was scared. Surprised. And then you came to me and confessed everything, and I… I…” She could feel the tears welling, and she let them build, because she felt she needed the pity. “I should have told you. I know that. Please, forgive me.”
“Forgive you for what? Margot…” He went to her now, ignoring the way she leaned back, taking her hands and squeezing them. “You are shaking. Margot…” He kissed the back of her hands. “What is going on? What do you mean, he is not who he says?”
“That man…” She looked down, focusing on his hands. “His name is not Lord Livingston. He is Lord Ashcombe, the man to whom I was once engaged.”
She felt the change take him immediately. The way his body stiffened. The way his grip on her hands lessened. She tried to meet his eyes, but gasped when she saw the confusion in them… no, not confusion. That is anger.
“Lord Ashcombe,” he repeated. “You are certain?”
“It is him,” she said. “I have no doubt. I do not know why he lied to you. I do not know what he wants. But that he is here, that he knows who you are…” She forced her eyes up, pleading with him to believe her. “He is using you, Sebastian. He is using me, too.”
His brow was furrowed. “And… and you did not think this was information I could have used before I met with him – before I loaned him a small fortune?”
She winced. “I wanted to tell you. I meant to tell you!”
“Why didn’t you?” She could see him growing angry as he tried to reason through what he was hearing.
“I… I told you why. I meant to – I was about to. But then you came to me, and you told me –”
“No,” he cut through her, his voice sharp. “That was after. You saw him with me in my office, and you said nothing. Why?”
“I…” She could feel the panic rising inside of her. He is not upset with me. Just the situation. That is all. “I was scared. Confused. When I saw him, I did not think – I thought that you… that you…”
“That I what?” he growled. “That I knew who he was and invited him into my home? You thought I would do such a thing, after what he did to you?”
She winced again. “I do not know. I guess… no, I… I am not sure. Please, Sebastian!” In a moment of desperation, needing him to understand, she rushed for him, meaning to take his hands, pull him into her, hold him so he might forgive her.
But he took a step back, holding up a hand to stop her.
That single action hurt more than anything.
“I am going to ask you one more thing, Margot. And please do not lie to me.”
She swallowed. Braced herself for whatever the question was.
“Was that the first time you have seen him since he left you three years ago? Since you and I married?”
Margot opened her mouth to tell him that, of course, it was. She wanted to scream it! Only then, she remembered something else… the truth. And where she thought it best to lie to save face, she knew there was no point. He told me the truth, finally. I owe him the same. “No,” she said in a whisper.
“What?”
“I…” She was speaking into her chest, unable to look at him. “I saw him last week at Marlow Estate. I saw him at the garden party. But only for a moment!” she hurried to explain. “I did not speak with him. I did not approach him. I saw him and… and…”
“And you said nothing.” Sebastian wasn’t looking at Margot as he spoke.
He was looking past her, his stare distant, his tone dispassionate, even accepting, as if the truth was a nail being driven through a coffin, confirming truths he didn’t want to accept.
“You said nothing and now…” He shook his head.
“I am sorry, Sebastian! You must know I am.”
He laughed bitterly. “I know you are, Margot. The little good that does me.” He sighed, and then he walked toward her. She perked up, thinking he was coming for her, only to sink when he stepped around her and made for the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To my office,” he said without stopping. “I have to write a letter to my solicitor. If I’m lucky, maybe I can stop this loan from going through before it’s too late.”
“Sebastian!” she called after him. “I am sorry. Please, you must know that I am!”
Sebastian did not stop at her words. Perhaps he did not hear them? He strode through the door and down the hall, leaving Margot alone and trembling.
And just like that, I have ruined everything. Worse that it wasn’t my fault – not really. But such is the way of my life that regardless of what I do, the worst seems to find me.
She had been looking forward to tomorrow, their breakfast, their day spent together as a married couple.
The first true day of their marriage, it had felt like that to her.
Now, Margot was all but sure that when she sat at the breakfast table, Sebastian would not be joining her.
Would he join her another day, or was their fate so wrecked by drama and bad luck that this marriage, despite everything, was doomed to failure?
All things considered, Margot could not help but concede that perhaps in this life, she simply wasn’t meant to be happy. Sebastian, either, for that matter.