22. Easton
TWENTY-TWO
Easton
I slip on my sneakers as I step out of the closet and head down the stairs. Hazel was still asleep in bed when I left her to come to my room and get changed.
My head is buzzing with too many thoughts, too many emotions, and I need to clear it. I need to go for a run.
Before I leave the house, I check in on Jade to make sure she's still sleeping, which she is, sawing logs with her little stuffed cat snuggled against her face.
So, I take this moment to get out and get some fresh air. And hopefully, it'll help me feel better about everything that has been going on with Hazel and me.
I push myself harder and harder with each step, my mind racing as my muscles burn. I’m already working up a good sweat, and I don’t think it’s just because I’m running and it’s hot.
I have no idea what is happening with Hazel right now. Everything that we’ve been doing has been messy and chaotic, and we haven't talked about any of it.
But it's as if an invisible string is pulling me closer to her at every turn, and I can't do anything to stop it. After all these years, she is the sun, and I am a planet stuck in her orbit.
Still, what will happen if all of this ends, and she decides she doesn't want me anymore? I don't think I could handle that. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure it would crush me.
I love having Jade and Hazel as a part of my life. The easy days with them have been some of the best I've had in ages. The swimming pool, the movie nights, the board games.
And if Hazel decides that she doesn't want any of that with me? I don't think I'll ever be able to move on from that.
I would die a bachelor. Not that it would be a terribly bad thing.
I feel like we need to talk. I feel like I need to know where we stand because the potential to see this through and actually be in a relationship with Hazel is too good to be true.
I need to accept that I want it desperately.
My feet pound against the pavement with each step I take. It's warm, and the crickets are singing around me. As a breeze rushes past, making the grass on either side of the highway sway, I realize that I’m not going to solve anything out here.
You need to talk to her.
Turning around, I hurry back toward the house. It’s quiet this morning, and there are hardly any cars that zoom past me on the road.
It’s also well on its way to being a scorcher. I’m pretty sure the forecast said it was going to be in the upper nineties today.
“Another trip to the pool,” I mumble out as I jog home.
We could always swim in mine, but there's something about taking Hazel and Jade to the big one. There are waterfalls and slides. Stuff that I can’t offer with my Olympic-size pool in the backyard.
You can’t take them there until you talk with Hazel.
The little voice in my head is right, and I push myself harder, my thighs screaming at me, so that I can get back to the house as quickly as possible.
When I sprint up the steps of the house and use my key to get inside, I wander to the kitchen, needing some water.
There, I find Hazel and Jade in the kitchen, bacon sizzling away on the stove.
“Damn, that smells fantastic.” I smile as Hazel turns to me, and Jade sets down the spatula that she’s been using to help flip the bacon.
“Swear jar.” Jade holds out her hand, and I sigh, grumbling under my breath about why I agreed to that damn thing.
“I don’t have money on me right now, Jade.”
She scowls, dropping her hand only to turn on her heel and start running upstairs.
“Where are you going?!” I call out after her.
“To get your wallet! You’ll have a dollar in there! It’s in your room, right?”
I don’t bother answering because Jade is already out of sight and well up the stairs. Rolling my eyes with a sigh, I go over to the cupboard and fetch a glass for water.
Act casual. But you have to talk to her. But don’t be weird.
After last night and my unhelpful run, I still don’t know where I stand with Hazel, and my brain loves reminding me about how I have to talk to her.
Damn, I would so prefer to put this off, but I know I can’t. We can’t stay away from each other, and that’s not about to change.
Conversation necessary.
Jade rushes back downstairs with my wallet in hand just as I fill up my glass. The chat is going to have to wait until after breakfast.
“Here. Put a dollar in the swear jar.”
“A dollar?!” I look between her and Hazel. “I thought it was a quarter?”
Hazel grins, hiding a laugh with a sip of coffee. “It went up because you never have any change, and Jade figured it would be easier for you to remember with paper money.”
“Ugh.” I shake my head, pulling out a single from my wallet and stuffing it in the jar on the top of the fridge. “There. Happy?”
Jade smiles. “Yup. Now…”
She walks over to the stove near Hazel, gesturing at the frying pan like Vanna White. “…bacon!”
After breakfast, I help Hazel clean the dishes while Jade runs off to her room, eager to get out of a chore. The TV plays idly in the background, providing a constant noise to fill the silence.
“No dishes means you have to take out the trash, Jade!” I call out, hoping it reaches her as she bounds up the steps.
“Okay!”
All I can do, yet again, is shake my head. “That girl. Are all ten-year-olds like this?”
Hazel smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I think so, yeah.”
I pause. Hazel is radiating tension, and she didn’t say much during breakfast, either. As I hand a plate to her to dry off, I study her face.
She’s chewing on her lip, her eyes doing that one-thousand-yard stare.
“Hey,” I prompt, getting her to look up at me, “you doing okay?”
I get another smile, and again, I don’t buy it for a second. “I’m fine. Still a little tired, is all.”
You were going to do this anyway. Now is as good a time as any.
I shut off the water and put my back towards the sink, grabbing one of the spare towels and drying off my hands.
Hazel gives me a look, knowing that I'm clearly up to something, and she sets the plate she’s drying down on the island as gently as she can.
“I can tell you're not okay. I can tell you're upset about something.
And I have to assume that it has everything to do with last night and us and what's going on.
I was going to wait to talk to you about all of this, but it doesn't seem like I should put it off any longer.
We have a few minutes. Why don't we talk?”
Her eyes flare wide for a second, but then this look of relief washes over Hazel like she’s been waiting for me to say something, to prompt this talk.
“Yeah, it’s…it’s a lot.” She sags against the island, leaning like I am, and then her stare drops to the floor. “I…I don’t regret what happened, first of all.”
Tension bleeds from me, and I don’t remember when I started clenching my jaw, but it relaxes.
"But it’s confusing as hell. We’re supposed to be doing this fake dating thing, and I did agree to it, so it’s not like I’m angry. It’s just that…I’m nervous about what all this means.”
I run my stare over her, taking her in. Hazel doesn’t look nervous. She looks terrified. She looks worried and small and beautiful.
Stepping forward, I get right next to her, lifting her chin with my hand so that she looks me in the eye.
“I am, too. I have no idea what all this means, and it’s…” A cut of laughter escapes me. “It’s a lot.”
Hazel chuckles, flicking her stare down bashfully before meeting my gaze again. “I’m scared about what being together might mean for both of us. For Jade. It’s been a long time since we dated, but…but I can’t seem to stay away from you.”
And that’s it. That’s all of it right there in a nutshell. “Hazel, I?—”
“Breaking news.” The TV in the other room switches, using that odd sound they play when they interrupt what’s currently on to broadcast an important story.
Huh?
Dropping our conversation for now, Hazel and I walk to the living room, curiosity drawing us to stand in front of the set. I’m still holding the dish towel.
“We’ve just learned that Neil James, a felon convicted of aggravated human trafficking and exploitation, has escaped from California State Prison.
It’s been stated that he broke out sometime during the night and is now at large.
It’s not known yet how James orchestrated the breakout, but officials say a statewide manhunt is currently underway.
Authorities are encouraging extreme caution for all those in the area.
They’re cautioning civilians to stay vigilant and remain indoors when they can.
James is described as a violent criminal, and he is likely armed and not traveling alone. ”
A picture appears on the screen of Neil’s mugshot. It’s the first time I’ve seen his face.
“If you have seen this man, stay away. There is a tipline currently open, displayed at the bottom of the screen.” I see the 1-800 number flashing. “Authorities will investigate all potential sightings of this dangerous criminal.”
Fuck.