Chapter 5
CARA
“Alright, sweetheart, you sleep well,” I murmur to Nina, as I press a kiss against her head. She turns over in bed, pulling the downy covers around her. Her eyes are already shut, and, even as I kneel there next to the bed, I know that she is going to sleep like a baby tonight.
Which is exactly what I’m hoping for, to be quite honest, because I desperately need to talk to someone right now. Anyone.
Truthfully, I don’t know how I’ve managed to make it through the door without the truth creeping up on me once more. Taking care of Max and Nina has been enough of a distraction, but every now and then it hits me like a ton of bricks, knocking the air out of my lungs.
My new employer, the man I’m working for and living with to take care of his son…
He’s the father of my own child.
Even thinking it now makes my head swim, and I’ve to press my hand against the wall to keep my legs from giving out entirely underneath me.
It still doesn’t feel real. I mean, how could it possibly be?
It’s been five years since I’ve seen him, five years since I laid eyes on the man in the mask who got me pregnant.
And I never thought I would see him again. I’d come to terms with that a long time ago. Sounds crazy now, given that the universe seems so insistent on putting me back in the same room with him.
The moment he stepped into the kitchen, I knew there was something about him.
I could have just convinced myself it was his presence and nothing more than that.
He has plenty of it, after all; that cropped gray hair, those piercing gray eyes, that sharp jawline and the suit that looks more expensive than everything I own.
But then, when I bent down to greet his son, I saw it. The spiderweb tattoo on his hand. It’s one of the details of that night I’ve never forgotten, turning it over in my mind late at night when I allow myself to remember what happened. And I’ve done that, many times, because...
Well, because I’ven’t been with anyone else since I was with him.
And now he is back in my life. But I don’t think he has a damn clue who the fuck I’m.
I mean, why wouldn’t he have said anything about it if he did?
He would have been crazy if he thought we could get away with just ignoring the great big fucking elephant in the room, and the only reason he wouldn’t have asked about it was if he really thought there was no reason to.
Which means he must have forgotten me. Maybe even forgotten that night.
My stomach twists painfully at the thought. I don’t know why, but I hate the idea of him just being able to brush that off as though it was nothing, when it’s lived rent-free in my mind ever since...
I pull out my phone and step into my bedroom, making sure the door is shut behind me.
The last thing I want is for Nina to overhear this conversation.
I’ve always figured that I’ll have to explain the lack of father figure in her life to her at some point, but I had hoped it might come in less fraught circumstances, that’s for damn sure.
She has no idea that the little boy she was playing with today, the one who she seems to have already grown so attached to, is actually her half-brother.
I dial Sophie’s number and lift my phone to my ear as I begin to pace, trying to work off some of the excess energy that is rushing around my system.
She picks up after a few rings, and I can hear something sizzling on the other end of the line—no doubt she’s cooking, as she often does to unwind.
She works as a journalist now, and, judging by some of the articles she puts out, I’d say that her days can’t always be easy.
“Hey, Cara,” she greets me. “What’s up? How are you settling in at the new job—”
“Sophie, I need to talk to you about something,” I tell her urgently. The tone of her voice shifts at once.
“What’s going on?” she asks. “It’s nothing to do with mom or dad, right...?”
“God, no, nothing to do with them,” I assure her, and she breathes a sigh of relief, a rush of static down the line.
“Thank God,” she mutters. I know she is terrified of that, of one of them reaching out to either of us. No matter how much time and distance we put between ourselves and our old life, it’s not like it doesn’t linger there in the background for us, threatening to cause trouble at any moment.
“So what’s happening?” she asks, and I can hear her return to her cooking. I hesitate before I continue.
Do I want to dump all of this on her? I mean, she probably has enough on her plate as it is, without having to hear about my crap, too...
But I can’t do this alone. Sophie is pretty much the only person I can turn to.
“Uh, so,” I begin, swallowing hard before I continue. “I met the guy that I’m going to be working for today.”
“Oh, yeah?” she replies. “And what’s he like?”
My mind flashes an image of him, unbidden, into my mind. His eyes are stuck in my head, the way he looked at me, the strength of his handshake when he took mine. But that’s not what I need to tell her, not by a long shot.
“He’s...”
Okay. Just come out with it. She’s going to worry the more you try and dodge the point, and the faster you tell her, the faster she can help you.
“He’s Nina’s father.”
Silence. For a moment, I think she must not have heard me.
“Sophie?”
“Yeah, I’m still hear.”
I can sense how tense she is. I wish I could see her now, she the look on her face so I could get a better feel for what she was feeling.
I hate not being with her, delivering this news over the phone, but I can’t just leave the house and go visit her.
I’m not sure if I’m even allowed to, and, if I was, I wouldn’t want to leave Nina alone in a place where I know so few people.
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“But I thought you said that you had no idea who he was…”
“He has this tattoo, on his hand,” I explain, letting out a long breath. “And it’s one of the few things I actually remember from that night. And this guy, when I met him, I... I saw that same tattoo on his hand.”
“It could just be a coincidence,” she points out. “I mean, anyone could have any tattoo, couldn’t they?”
“It wasn’t just that,” I admit. “It was everything about him. His voice, the way he carried himself... I’m sure it was him, Sophie. In fact, I know it.”
She falls silent again, as she tries to take in the enormity of the news. Hearing her process it, it really hits home how big this is. I’ve found the father of my child.
Except I’m living with him, taking care of his son, and he doesn’t seem to know a thing about it.
I don’t know where that leaves me. I had hoped, if I were to ever meet him again, that I would have some time to parse out what kind of person he was before I let him back into my daughter’s life, if at all.
But no, we have been thrust right into the middle of his world, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do to get out of it.
“What’s his name?” Sophie demands. I pause for a moment, slightly surprised.
“Uh… Alexei.”
“Alexei what?”
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to remember the name on all the contracts I signed. “Kurenko. Alexei Kurenko.”
“Kurenko...”
She mutters the name under her breath, and I hear movement on the other end of the line. I shift uncomfortably.
“What’s going on?”
“Just give me a second,” she replies vaguely. “I feel like I know that name from somewhere. Kurenko, Kurenko...”
I bite my lip as I listen to her, with no idea what she is going to turn up.
But I know that it’s unlikely to be anything positive.
The career she’s chosen, she writes mostly about crime, and if she’s come across his name through her work, then I imagine it’s because he’s involved in something. .. something bad.
“Shit,” she mutters, and I snap back to the conversation at hand.
“Sophie? You find something?”
“Yeah,” she replies grimly. “But you’re not going to like it...”
“Just tell me,” I demand, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingertips and squeezing my eyes shut as I wait for the answer.
“He’s Bratva.”
“Bratva?”
“Like mafia, but Russian,” she explains. “Runs weapons in and out of the city, he’s a supplier for practically every case I’ve covered in the last six months.”
I feel like I’m going to throw up. He’s... he’s basically handing out guns to every criminal in this city? It doesn’t feel real, that I could have been standing in a room with a man like that and not know a thing about it. How could I not sense it on him at once, that darkness, that cruelty?
“Cara, I’m not kidding,” she tells me urgently. “You need to get out of there. As soon as you can. You and Nina both, you can’t stay with a man like that, you don’t know what he’s capable of.”
“I can’t,” I protest. “I just took this job, and I need the—”
“Screw the job, Cara!” she exclaims, and the sudden shift in her tone makes me jump.
. “Turn in your notice. Tell them that you have to move across the country to take care of your sick aunt or something,” she urges me.
“Just get out of there. Get as far away from him as you can. Trust me when I say that you don’t want to be around when shit goes off. ..”
She catches her breath, gathering herself before she continues.
“Please, just tell me that you’ll listen to me on this,” she begs me. “I know it might sound like I’m over-reacting, but this... This is the kind of thing you can’t just let slide. You can’t have Nina around him, it’s not safe.”
I don’t say anything for a moment, my mind drifting to Max, who seemed like such a sweet little boy in all the time I spent with him today.
If I leave, am I just going to be abandoning him to this life?
He needs contact with the outside world, with something beyond the confines of this dark place. ..
“Cara?”
But the sound of my sister’s voice pulls me back into the moment, and I try to remind myself of what is at stake here.
I’m not just thinking about myself, I’ve to think of Nina.
How would I explain it to her if she was exposed to even a corner of that world?
And it’s not a matter of if, it’s when, at least while we are living under his roof.
If what my sister is telling me is true, and I’ve no reason to believe anything else, then there is the possibility of violence beyond anything even I could handle, let alone what my precious daughter could.
“I’ll find a way out,” I promise her softly. “You’re right. I’m not… I’m not going to stay any longer than I’ve to.”
“Thank you,” she replies. “Anything you need, any help, you just tell me, okay? You guys can stay with me if you want, it’s not a big deal...”
I laugh slightly, though it is still rather shaky. “You really think we could all pile into your apartment?”
“Whatever it takes,” she replies firmly. “It’s better than living there with that man, trust me.”
“Got it,” I whisper. Behind me, I hear something creak in the corridor, and I whip my head around, suddenly distinctly aware of the fact that someone could be listening in.
“I’ve to go,” I blurt out. “I’ll call you again soon, okay?”
“Please do,” she replies. “Cara—”
But before she can finish what she’s saying, I hang up. Truth is, I don’t want to talk to her or anyone right now. I just want to curl up in bed and try to get some sleep, forgetting about the enormity of everything that has happened today.
And, as I slip into bed, I stare up at the ceiling. I think about the man in this house, the man who I’m living under the same roof as, the man who gave me pleasure deeper than anything I’ve felt before or since...
And how, whether I like it or not, I need to try and put as much distance between myself and him as possible.